


Finding Calm In A Storm

by TrishaCollins



Series: The Long Road [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam is smol, Big brother of the year, Brotherly feels, Dean is an amazing parent, F/M, Gen, He shouldn't have to be, Hunter culture, It's a two bedroom apartment, John Needs A lot Of Therapy, John is a terrible father (except when he isn't.), Kate is a saint, Sam and Dean are difficult, Winchester men need some domesticating, i just want them to be happy ok
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-15
Packaged: 2018-08-19 03:52:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8188577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrishaCollins/pseuds/TrishaCollins
Summary: A drunk driver and Kate cross paths, leading John to panic and get there as soon as he could for her and Adam. Which leads to Kate meeting the boys, and the boys meeting Adam. Nothing goes exactly as John had planned, but maybe the results will be better for everyone.





	1. Meeting in the middle of the night

John had said he’d be there as soon as he could. She believed him, he had always come when she called. What she hadn’t really expected was for John to show up sixteen hours later with two wide eyed boys pulled along in his wake like the tail on a kite. 

“Where’s he? He ok? I got here as soon as I could.” His face was pale, lips bloodless and his hair was a mess. 

She held out her hands. “He’s out of surgery and his fever has gone down.”

John grabbed her hands, squeezing them gently. “Ok. Ok. Can I see him?”

She glanced past him to the boys. 

John seemed to remember they were there, and turned around with a rough tone that seemed out of character. “Go sit in the waiting room.” He growled. “Dean, watch your brother.”

The older boy nodded, reaching for the little boy’s shoulder. “Come on, Sammy. We’ll get something out of the vending machine.” 

John turned around to face her, expression softening at once, still holding one of her hands. “Sorry, I didn’t even think to leave them with someone.”

She nodded, giving his hand a little squeeze. “He’s in pediatrics; I came down to meet you. Will they be alright alone?”

John nodded, glancing at the boys who were already settling in the hard plastic chairs, the younger one seeming to settle quickly into playing with a toy he had tucked in his pocket. “They’ll be fine.” 

She watched them for another minute, a thousand questions in her mind, and glanced at Judy at the desk. “Can you keep an eye on the boys?” She asked quietly. “Pediatrics won’t let them come up yet.”

Judy gave the boys a concerned look over the edge of the desk. “I’ll get them some supper, we’ve got some crayons in the back office, it’s pretty late. You take care of things, Kate.”

She smiled in return, tugging John’s hand and leading him to the elevator. “They expect him to make a full recovery.”

John relaxed a little, blowing out a breath. “Did they get the guy who hit you?”

“They did. He’s going to be ok, John. Now that they’ve got the appendix out, the internal bleeding has stopped.” She pushed the button for the floor. “How was the trip here?” 

“Fine. I think I was speeding most of the way here. Was worried about you both.” He touched the line of stitches on her forehead. “Are you ok?”

“It will teach me to sit so close to the airbag.” She joked, letting him check her over. 

He blew out a shaky breath, pulling her into a tight hug. 

“Ow, John. Ribs.” She whispered, and he immediately loosened his grasp. “We’re both ok.” 

“I know, just…” He blew out a rough, shaky breath. “When I got your call, all I could think about was…” He trailed off, though she could guess that he was thinking about his late wife. 

She stroked the back of his neck, settling her chin on his shoulder. “We’re both going to be fine, John. It was a drunk driver, nothing more malicious than that.”

He kissed the side of her head. “Adam’s really ok?”

“Really ok. He’s going to be in the hospital for a few days and in a cast for longer than that. The car seat took most of the impact.”

“But surgery…” He blew out another breath, turning to the door when it opened. 

“I know the surgeon, and he told me that Adam should make a full recovery. They’ve got him on medication; he’s still out of it. But he knows all of the nurses and they keep coming to check on him. So he gets to see all of his friends.” She smiled. “He’s two; mostly what he registers is that he’s the center of attention and that everyone wants to sign his cast.”

John nodded, chewing on his lip. “Sorry it took so long, we were in New York.”

She blinked. “What were you doing there?”

He looked past her to one of the charts on the doors. That was always how she knew he was about to lie to her. “Conference.”

“And the boys?”

John hesitated, seeming to war with himself for a moment. “My sons. Dean’s the older one, Sam’s the little guy.”

She considered that for a moment, he had never told her about the boys in the three years they had known each other. But John had never dealt with anything that had revolved around Mary’s death, and the youngest couldn’t have been more than ten now. She wondered if he’d left them with family or something. “They look like you.” She said, finally.

John grinned, the look a bit lopsided. “Dean looks like Mary.”

“Oh.” Probably he must have left them with someone, while he was dealing with his own troubles. Poor kids. “Here we go, in here.” 

Adam was asleep, curled up around a giant stuffed dog, snoring. 

She smiled, walking forward to brush her fingers over his hair, kissing his forehead. 

He grumbled at her, sighing softly. 

John was still holding her hand, staring down at the little boy, face white and pale. 

“He’s ok, John.” She took his other hand, bringing it to Adam’s face.

John looked like he was about to break into little pieces, he finally sank to his knees by the bed, running his hands over the little boy, checking the IV and lifting the blanket to get a look at his still swollen abdomen. She sat down on the edge of the bed, watching him check Adam over with the precision of a trained medical professional. 

“God.” John whispered quietly, settling back on his heels. “He’s a mess.”

She laughed. “You should see my car.” 

“Bad?”

She nodded. “Totaled. Did its job though.”

 

“Most you can ask for.” He drew another shaky breath. “I was so scared when you called me, Kate.”

She touched the top of his head. “Not every bad thing is the end of the world, John. But I’m glad you came.” 

He took her hand, kissing her palm. “Most bad things could be, in my world.” 

“Well, not this time.” She stroked his hair gently. “You should get some sleep. You can stay here.” 

He nodded; closing his eyes, not seeming in a hurry to move from his position crouched on the floor.


	2. Black Coffee

It was nearly two hours later when she finally escaped with the excuse of needing coffee.

John was getting tired, and if she had to guess the boys were probably getting tired too. She needed to check in with Judy and find some place for them to spend the night. 

Dean was sitting in one of the hard chairs, eyes on the doorway. Sam was curled up and fast asleep, long frame tucked into the hard plastic. 

Dean’s eyes flicked to her the moment she crossed the doorway, but she went to Judy first. “Did you scare them up some dinner?”

Judy nodded. “They’re tucked out, poor little guys. The older one is the most guarded teenager I’ve ever met. Where’d they come from? He leave them in a military school or something, you didn’t say John had other kids?”

She offered a small shrug. “I think they were with their grandparents after his wife died. It’s been rough on all of them.”

Judy’s face softened slightly. “Well, whoever he left them with wasn’t good at teaching them trust. They ate, though. I told the older boy they could sleep in the break room, but he told me his dad had told them to wait there, so that’s where they would stay.” 

She nodded, watching Dean. “I’ll try talking to them.”

Judy nodded. “How’s Adam? Haven’t been up to see him yet, is his dad with him?”

She smiled faintly. “Yeah, I promised to bring back coffee and check on the boys, it spooked him.” She hadn’t told him she intended to check on the boys, just in case. She wanted a chance to meet them on her own without him looming.

She loved John, but he could be a very difficult man in the best of times. This was hardly that. 

“Well, if he didn’t insist on traveling so much he wouldn’t have been so far away to be spooked.” Judy retorted without heat, still watching the boys. “He’s a good man, but I just have to question his priorities sometimes, Kate. I know you love him, I know he loves you, but he needs to make up his mind to let go of whatever demons he’s running from and move on.”

She sighed. “If only it were that easy, Judy. Let me talk to the boys.”

She crossed the waiting room slowly to them, crouching down so that she wasn’t towering over them. “Hey there, Dean. Sam ok?” 

Dean had watched every step she took, growing tenser the closer she got. “He’s fine, Ma’am. Just tired.” 

She nodded. “Judy said she offered you the break room. You’d be more comfortable there.”

“Dad said to wait here. So here we are.” Dean responded without heat, hand resting protectively on his brother’s shoulder. “We’ll be fine, Ma’am.”

Sam had Dean’s jacket draped over him like a blanket, which meant Dean was only wearing a light t-shirt. The hospital was cold. “Well, ok. If that’s what you want. Can I at least get you a couple of blankets so Sam doesn’t get cold?”

Dean froze, looking torn for half a second before he nodded curtly. “That’d be fine, Ma’am.”

“My name is Kate.” She offered gently. 

Dean seemed to swallow a sigh. “Yes, Mrs. Kate.”

She wagered that was about as far as she could push him. At least for now. He was almost as guarded as John. “If you need anything, or you and Sam get hungry again, you tell Mrs. Judy at the desk there. She’ll tell you when she’s about to go off shift, and she’ll introduce you to the person who takes over. If you need your dad or me, they know how to get in touch with us.”

Dean nodded curtly. “We won’t be any trouble, Mrs. Kate.” 

“I don’t imagine that you will. But that doesn’t mean you won’t get hungry. Bathroom is down that way.” She pointed at one of the halls. “And the lunch room is in the basement; just tell them to put it on my account.”

Dean blinked. “You have an account at the hospital?”

She laughed. “Yes, I do. I’m a nurse here.” 

Dean nodded, still not asking why they were there. “Alright.” 

Sam grumbled a bit in his sleep, and they both looked at him. But he drifted back off when Dean touched his hair, fingers brushing through the strands. 

“You’re a good big brother, Dean. I can’t wait for you to meet Adam.”

Dean frowned. “Adam?”

She tilted her head. “You dad didn’t tell you?”

“No, Ma’am.” Dean responded, uncertain.

“Adam is my son, and your little brother. He’s two. Your dad came here because we were in an accident.” 

Dean swallowed, frowning. “Oh.”

Which wasn’t exactly positive, but she was sure it was quite the surprise.

“He ok?” Dean asked, finally.

“He’s going to be. Your dad is with him now.” 

Dean nodded a little bit. “We going to get to see him?”

“During normal visiting hours.” She looked at her watch. “Which will be in another six hours. Once the doctor clears him for solid foods, maybe we can all have breakfast together.” 

Dean’s mouth twitched, almost a smile. “That’d be nice.” 

She smiled at him, trying to coax the little smile out of him. “I’ll go get you those blankets and a few candy bars. Would you like a Soda or something to drink?” She pushed herself to her feet, ignoring the twinge of the bruises on her ribs.

“Coffee, please?” Dean requested. 

She hesitated, staring down at the teenager. “How do you take it?”

“Black’s fine. I just need to stay awake.” He looked down at Sam. 

“Ok. I’ll bring you some cream and sugar packets.” Odd kid. Where had John left him? “I’ll be right back.”


	3. Cream and Sugar

John looked up when she opened the door, a dangerous look on his face before he relaxed and gave her a tentative smile. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She responded with a little smile of her own, letting the door swing shut behind her. “Brought you coffee. Black, like you asked.” She offered him the paper cup, settling next to him on the cot. 

“Thanks.” He blew at the surface of it, shoulders slumping a bit.

“I checked on the boys. Sam’s asleep.” She said quietly, staring into the depths of her own cups.

John gave a little, guilty jerk. “Yeah? Dean still up?”

“Yeah, I brought him some coffee, got them some blankets.” 

John nodded. “Thanks for that.”

“Who’d you leave them with, John?” She asked, feeling a little bit guilty herself. 

“Different people. It depended on where we were.”

“You can’t travel around with two little boys like that, John. What about school?”

He shrugged. “They’re not so little anymore.” 

“Exactly. They need to be in school, have a stable home and a place to grow up.”

“And a backyard and a dog?” John retorted sarcastically. 

“Yes, John, and a backyard and a dog. Dean can’t be more than twelve and he acts like a little soldier.” She blew out a breath, frustrated and tired. 

“That’s how I raised him. Worked fine for me.”

She frowned at him. “John Winchester, I know you don’t think that way. He’s a little boy, not a soldier in whatever war you’re imagining.”

For half a second, she thought he was going to say something, but whatever it was died unsaid. “Don’t worry about the boys, Kate. They’re my concern, not yours.”

There were a lot of things she could have said to this frustrating lump of a man, a lot of angry things on behalf of those two boys down in the waiting room. Instead she took his hand. “You are my concern, John. Which means those boys are my concern too. You can’t look after them properly when you’re bleeding all over the pavement.”

He sighed, looking at their joined hands. “I’m more trouble than you know, Kate.”

She smiled a bit. “I think I know something about the trouble you’re capable of causing, John.” 

He closed his eyes, hand tightening around hers. “I can’t even start to explain this right now, Kate.”

She leaned and kissed his cheek. “Then don’t explain it, John. Take a chance on moving on, on letting go.” 

He let out his breath in a shuddering sigh. “Babe…”

“Trust me?” She touched his face, rubbing the backs of her knuckles against his skin. 

“I do. But…” He shook his head. “Kate…” 

Whatever it was, it was clearly a heavy thing. Something he couldn’t quite communicate to her with the words he had. 

“You don’t have to tell me everything, John. Just…relieve them of their duty for now, let them be boys. Let’s just take this one moment at a time.” She whispered, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand. “I know you’re not a traveling mechanic or salesman. I am content with just knowing that.

He looked at her, dark circles around his eyes, eyes deep and dark and more bruised than any of the souls she had met in her work at the hospital. She could fall into John, and keep falling forever without touching the bottom of the hurt inside him. 

“You’re too good for me.” He said, finally. “Bringing them here, coming here like I did, I might have led my troubles right to your door.”

Impulse had walked her through most of this conversation. “If you did, then we will face them together, John. You and me. We’ll keep the boys safe.” 

There was a brief hesitation on his part, a slow widening of his eyes as he took in that she meant all three of the children. 

“Kate.” He closed his eyes.

“When you lost Mary, those boys lost their mother, John. Dean lost his mother; Sam lost the idea of a mother. And here you are still running from that, dragging them along with you. Stop running, John.”

He shook his head again, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing her knuckles. “I’ll go bunk them down.”

“And then you’ll come back?” She asked, watching him.

He looked at Adam, worry still clear on his face. “Then I’ll come back.” 

“Ok then.” She let him pull away and watched him go, really not sure if she’d ever see him again.


	4. Syrup

She had been just about to call a cab when John pulled up in a beat up car with the two boys and a car seat in the backseat.

Adam playing with her scarf and tugging gently on her earrings, prescriptions and well wishes stuffed into her purse and a shopping bag. She stared at John for a long moment, trying to decide how she felt about him in this moment. 

It had been almost four days since she had seen him, leaving in the middle of the night with his sons in tow. 

He parked the car in the loading zone, crossing in front of it to take her bag. “Figured you didn’t have a car yet, and the guy at the store said that was the size a two year old would need. Front facing, right?” He looked nervous, offering his hand for either the baby or the bag. 

She looked at the car seat, and the wide-eyed look Sam was giving her from squished in the middle next to it. “I thought you left town.”

He looked down. “We drove around for a bit. Trying to obscure any trail we might have left. Didn’t want to risk something coming to find us when Adam was still recovering.” 

She frowned. “Have you had breakfast yet?”

He shook his head, and she finally let him take the bag, walking to the back of the Impala and opening the door. 

Dean was watching her cautiously from the other side of his brother, and she offered him a tentative smile. “Hello again, looks like we’re going to get some breakfast after all.” God, she hoped John had fed them while he was running from his own paranoia. 

Dean offered an uncertain smile, but Sam grinned at her. “Dean said we had a little brother. Which means I’m not the youngest anymore.” He informed her.

She laughed. “He’s right. Adam, can you say hello?”

Adam waved his hand, still distracted with her scarf. She bent down to buckle him into the seat and he turned his attention to the other two boys curiously. 

He and Sam spent several moments staring at each other. The trunk slammed and John cleared his throat. “There’s a diner up the road a bit.”

“I know. It’s fine.” She kissed Adam’s forehead, closing the door carefully and leaning against the hood to look at John. “Where did you go?” 

“Around. Windom’s small, so we drove up north a bit, down south a bit more. Kicked over a few cans, confused the trail. I don’t want anything to think there’s something here to come looking for.” He looked in the car at the boys. 

Dean was reaching across Sam, holding Adam’s hand, Adam was grinning, other hand in his mouth. 

“What are you afraid of, John?” She asked quietly, elbows against the car.

He gave her a sad look. “A thousand little things, and a few bigger things. I don’t want you or Adam to get hurt because of us, Kate. Trust me?” 

She sighed softly, closing her eyes, and nodded. “Let’s go get the kids something to eat, ok?” 

He offered her a tentative smile. “Yeah.” 

*** 

Dean had Adam out of his car seat and Sam by the hand before she had even managed to get her seat unbuckled.

John was watching them through the window, making sure they didn’t leave the side of the car. With Dean in charge of his two younger brothers, she doubted that was a real concern.

“Are you going to tell me what’s really going on?” She asked quietly. 

John sighed, rubbing his face. “Yeah. But…Kate. Kate, there’s a lot of stuff in the world you don’t know about.” 

She frowned at him. “Alright, look. You can’t keep playing the game where you sound ominous but tell me nothing. I get that you think you’re protecting me, but right now you’re just irritating me.” 

John grimaced, looking at the boys again. “There are reasons that I have done what I have, Kate. Reasons I kept my distance when Adam was born. The thing that killed Mary, it’s still out there somewhere. Every day I wake up thinking it’ll come and get you too.”

She sighed, reaching to grab his hand. “John, the person that killed Mary-they were a horrible person, don’t get me wrong. And I hope some day the police find them and bring them to justice, but you can’t let that fear chase you away from any happiness you might have. That’s not fair to you or the boys.”

He grimaced. “It wasn’t a person, Kate. It was a thing. A demon.”

She stared at him blankly, trying to decide how to deal with that. “It’s easier to think about bad people as subhuman, John. And I agree, the person that did that was obviously a horrible one. Just as dark and terrible as any monster in a story.” 

He sighed, scrubbing at his face. “Let’s get the kids some food. We’ll finish talking about this later.”

Dean was watching them from next to the car; Adam balanced carefully on his hip, face a mask of calm. 

“Ok, John. I’ll let it go for now.” But not forever, he needed to let go of this obsession, this paranoia that he had apparently been carrying around since Mary died. 

It wasn’t fair to anyone to hold onto it. 

*** 

Dean cut up Sam’s pancakes for him, added syrup to them; make sure they were small enough for the smaller boy to eat.

Sam had a look of good natured compliance on his face the entire time, though he was unnaturally quiet for a boy of seven or eight. 

Adam had been a secondary focus for his brother; Dean was entirely willing to cut small bites from his own meal to feed Adam between the bites she was feeding him. 

Dean seemed charmed by Adam; Sam seemed glad for the distraction the toddler provided. 

John watched, barely looking away even when the waitress came to refill his coffee. 

The waitress smiled at the boys. “You’re such a good big brother.” She commented. “I bet your mom really appreciates you.”

Dean froze; face going pale and eyes darting to her, then to his father, his hands dropped under the table.

She smiled at the waitress. “I do appreciate his help, but I’m not his mother. Thank you.” 

The waitress flushed, filled her coffee, and darted off. 

Dean was staring down at his plate, clearly uncomfortable and expecting to get yelled at.

“It’s alright, Dean.” She said gently. “No harm done.”

“Sorry.” He muttered, looking down at the table. 

“I really do think you’re great with Adam. You must have looked after Sam when he was younger.” She offered, taking a drink of her juice and looking away. Poor kid. That had been a misstep. 

Sam was nodding, mouth full of pancake and syrup. 

Dean nodded a bit. “Yeah. He was just…” He glanced at his father, frowning at the table. 

“You can talk to her.” John said gruffly, drinking his coffee.

“Dean!” Adam said, offering a handful of mashed pancake and a grape. 

Adam got a smile, and Dean accepted the offering with all possible grace, even eating the grape. “Thanks little man.”

Adam grinned. “Better?”

“Yeah, all better.” Dean reassured. 

Adam grinned at him, going back to making a mess of his breakfast. He had clearly eaten all he wanted of it, little cast jutting out from his highchair. 

“So what grade are you in, Dean?” 

Dean froze, giving his father another look.

“Home schooled.” John said flatly. 

“He still has a grade for turning in his work. What’s your favorite subject?”

Dean had the look of someone entirely unprepared for the question, eyes as wide as saucers. “Um. Geography.”

“I like history.” Sam piped up, mouth full of pancakes. 

“Swallow, nobody wants to wear your food, Sam.” Dean grumbled.

Sam chewed a few times, and swallowed. “But I’m good at all my subjects.” He bragged. 

She laughed. “Is that so? I bet you love reading then.”

He nodded brightly, picking up a grape and popping it into his mouth. “I can even read in Latin.”

“That’s really useful. Did you learn at Sunday school?” Dean may have all the classic signs of neglect, but Sam was clearly just looking for a light to bask under. 

He shook his head. “Dean taught me. Him and dad know it fluently. Do you know Latin?”

She laughed. “Not many people do. I remember some from Sunday school, I can still do the Lord’s Prayer.”

Sam nodded gravely. “I can do that.” And then he did, in quick, relaxed Latin.

Neither his father or brother looked at all surprised. 

“Wow.” She blinked at him. “That was really good, Sam.”

He beamed, putting another bite of pancakes into his mouth. He was missing his right front tooth. “I can do lot more than that. It’s important. You can make a lot of things go away with just a few holy words.”

“A lot of things?” She asked, bemused.

“Yeah. Or you can at least get something to reveal itself. Most demons will finch if you say the Lords Prayer near to them. They can’t keep up their illusions. Other things you need holy water for, though, or salt. Most things can’t cross salt lines.” 

She glanced at John, confused and concerned. 

John was just nodding, drinking his coffee. 

“Salt’s easier for little guys like Sam.” Dean said quietly. “Though his Latin’s pretty good.”

“You deal with ghosts with salt too.” Sam chirped. 

She stared at John. Had he really convinced the boys of his paranoia? 

“Not at the breakfast table.” John said finally. 

Dean and Sam instantly went quiet, applying themselves to their breakfast.


	5. Macaroni

It had been six days since she had been to her apartment. By now, she was sure everything in her fridge was no longer good. John hadn’t objected when she directed him to the shopping center so she could get a few things.

Again, Dean had Adam out of his car seat before she even had time to get out of the car. He seemed to know how to hold him to avoid bothering his leg or stitches. He had Sam’s hand in his other hand, standing at the back of the car waiting for them to get out.

“He’s fast.” She mused, watching them. 

“Yeah.” John said, grinning. “Yeah, he is. Good reflexes.” 

“What war are you training them for?” She asked quietly. “Demons, ghosts…what are you even doing, John?”

He gave her a sad look. “It’s the war that came to us, Kate.” 

She shook her head, grabbing her purse and slipping out of the car.

Dean gave her a wary look, but let her take her son from his arms. 

He followed close behind her, still holding Sam’s hand.

She pulled out a cart, setting Adam in the seat and snapping the small belt in place.

Dean made a quiet, outraged noise behind her, and unclipped him and stole him back the first time she looked away.

Adam giggled, wrapping his arms around his big brother’s neck.

“Dean, he’s fine in the cart.” She said gently. 

Dean shook his head, holding Adam close. “Someone could leave with the cart while you aren’t looking.”

Sam was watching her curiously from his big brother’s side.

“Nobody is going to leave with the cart.” She replied, slightly confused. 

“But they could. He’s safer with me.” Dean said quietly, arms supporting Adam’s weight, body turned slightly to shield the toddler from her view. 

She stared at John, standing behind the boys, looking for help. 

John shrugged. “Make sure you keep an eye on Sam too.”

“Yes sir.” Dean responded, still sheltering Adam against his shoulder. 

She scowled at John. “You shouldn’t encourage him to parent his brothers, John. He’s just a little boy.”

John gave her a confused look, staring at Dean for a moment. “He’s doing fine, Kate. Let’s just get what we came here for.” 

She looked at Dean. “If your arms get tired, I’ll carry him.” She said firmly. “You let me know. Sam, if you want, you can ride in the cart.”

Sam’s eyes widened slightly at the forbidden offering, glancing up at his brother before scrambling into the basket. 

Dean looked uneasy about it, but he didn’t protest, clearly considering this an agreement between them. 

He was too old for his age, whatever that age happened to be. She marked that on the ledger of what she had to yell at John about later. She would make sure there was a later.

“You point me at the snacks you like best, ok Sam?”

The little boy nodded, bouncing on his knees. “Ok, Miss Kate!” 

She smiled at him, pushing the cart forward. 

***

John wouldn’t let her load or unload bags into the Impala’s trunk. She was too worn by the day to argue with him about it, and just took the boys upstairs to her apartment while John brought the bags of food up. 

She pointed out the bathroom, and started unloading bags, leaving Dean to watch over Adam to make sure he didn’t try to stand up on the cast.

It wasn’t until she turned to take a bag from John that she realized Sam was watching her intently from the doorway.

“Hey kiddo, want to help me put things away?”

He frowned. “Are we going to eat that all tonight?”

She laughed, then realized he was serious and wasn’t sure how to feel. “No, Sam. It’s food for a couple of days.”

“Where are you going to put it all?” He asked.

“In the cabinets and fridge. We’ll have some of it for dinner tonight, and some for breakfast tomorrow. Don’t you go grocery shopping with your dad?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, but we get what we’re going to eat.” 

“Well, we will eat this eventually.” She smiled at him a bit weakly. “Here, you can help me, I will show you where everything goes.”

Sam nodded seriously, coming forward to help her make neat stacks of cans in her pantry, and go through her fridge for what had expired while they’d been gone. 

He seemed to get the hang of it after awhile, excited by the game of it. 

John flopped down on the couch, watching Dean play with Adam, a tired look on his face.

“The couch folds out.” She offered, as she started getting lunch started. Sam seemed pleased to help her, even if it was only macaroni and cheese with hot dogs. 

“Yeah. I remember.” John said quietly. 

“I figure the boys can sleep there tonight, if they don’t mind sharing.” Sam glanced up at her, tipping his head a bit, but not saying anything. “Or I could get a few sleeping bags down and they could sleep on the floor in Adam’s room?” 

Dean looked up from his place on the floor next to Adam’s blanket, looking at his father. 

“Either’s fine.” John responded, staring at the blank TV. 

She sighed. “What do you think, Sam? Want to have a sleep over with your baby brother?” 

Sam nodded quickly. “We’ve got bags in the Impala too.” 

“Well, we can go down and get them.”

“Let me.” Dean said quickly, looking at Adam. “You stay right there, ok? Don’t try to stand up.”

Adam nodded solemnly. “K, Dean.” 

Dean gave him a soft, wistful smile, kissing the top of his curly head. 

John tossed him the keys without saying anything, staring at Adam. 

***

She watched the boys get ready for bed, Adam balanced on her hip. Dean had helped Sam get ready, even if Sam didn’t look like he exactly needed someone to put his tooth paste on his tooth brush. 

Dean was jumpy, nervous. He kept glancing to his father and the door, but he wasn’t saying anything about whatever was bothering him. 

New place, she figured. He wasn’t familiar enough to be comfortable with her. 

John seemed to have checked out shortly after dinner, staring at the blank TV with a tired expression on his face. That left her herding the kids, or really, watching Dean look after Sam as though this wasn’t at all unusual.

She’d known that John was depressed, but she hadn’t realized how bad it was.

“Do you need extra pillows?”

“No, ma’am. We’re good with what we have.” Dean responded quickly, nudging Sam at his sleeping bag. 

“You going to say goodnight to your father?”

Sam looked at Dean, then at the doorway, and slithered into his sleeping bag, pulling the cocoon of nylon up to his chin. 

“He seems like he’s in a bad mood.” Dean said quietly. 

“Is that what he calls them?”

Dean nodded a little bit. “He’s not been drinking these past few days.”

“Oh?” She frowned.

Dean shrugged. “That means he’s not been sleeping.”

“Ah.” Alcoholic tendencies? Self medication? She tucked Adam into his bed. “Well, leave him to me for tonight.”

Dean nodded, glancing at the door. “Yes, Ma’am.” 

She smoothed Adam’s hair down, he was already asleep. The excitement of the day and the meds the doctors had given him had knocked him flat. 

“Let me know if you need anything, ok?”

Dean nodded, sitting on his sleeping bag. “We try not to cause much trouble.”

She smiled at him. “I can tell, Dean. Thank you for helping with Adam tonight, you took a lot of weight off my shoulders.”

He smiled at her, a little cautious. “Well, Sam seemed to be having fun with you. So I figured I could help out with Adam. He’s a good little guy. Sucks about the cast and the stitches, but he seems ok with it.”

She nodded. “I’ll be glad in a few months when he is done with it.”

“Yeah, it sucks being injured. Sucks worse when the little ones are hurt.” 

She frowned. “Does Sam get hurt a lot?”

He shook his head quickly. “No. I keep Sam safe.” He replied firmly. “But a couple of times things get through.” 

She shook her head. “I am still not sure I understand what you mean, Dean.”

Dean frowned at her, uncertain. “Aren’t you a hunter like dad?”

She shook her head. “I’m a nurse, Dean. I work at the hospital we were at.”

He looked confused, looking over at Adam. “Oh. Well, I guess that explains a lot.”

“It does?”

He nodded. “You don’t have salt anywhere, and there’s no iron…it’s pretty poorly defended. Do you even have a shotgun?” 

She stared at the boy, the little old man sitting on the floor of her toddler’s room. “I don’t.”

“Well, Dad’s got one you can probably borrow. Case anything bigger comes around. Do you know how to shoot?” He asked, sounding entirely pragmatic about the questions.

She blew out a small sigh. “Let me talk to your father.”

He nodded at once. “Yeah, that’s probably best. Sorry, I thought you were a Hunter too, like dad. He can teach you more than me.”

She smiled at him, feeling wooden and strained. “It’s alright, Dean. Sleep well.”


	6. Frozen Waffles

She was most of the way through her bed time preparations when John came into the bedroom, wrapping his arms around her from behind and hiding his face against her neck. “I don’t want to drag you into this, Kate.”

She closed her eyes, lifting her hands to his arm. “I’m already in it, John.” As insane as the last day had been, she loved this man. She loved her son, she thought she could easily love Sam and Dean. 

“I know. But I keep fighting it.” He rubbed his cheek against her shoulder. “I don’t deserve you.”

“That’s for me to decide.” She whispered in response. 

He squeezed her, tracing fingers over the bruises on her ribs. “I was scared I was gonna lose you too, Kate.”

“You didn’t. You didn’t lose either of us, John. We’re all here. All of us.”

She could feel the tears on her neck as he started to cry, slow, quiet tears. She stood there, hands pressed gently against his arms, letting him cry. 

It was rare that John allowed himself tears, for him to allow himself any emotion. 

“Tell me what you’re fighting, John.” She whispered, when the tears had been spent against her back.

He drew a sad, shuddering breath, and did. 

They didn’t sleep much that night, he told her everything. About Mary, about the Demon, about how strangely she had died. About the monsters he was hunting, the specific monster he had taken up arms to hunt. 

She listened without interrupting for hours, eventually they moved to the bed, and lay nose to nose with their hands intertwined while he spoke softly, well into the early hours of the morning. 

“You realize this all sounds insane.” She said at last, when he was done with the story.

He nodded, stroking the line of her jaw with the pad of his thumb. “You’ve worked ER on full moon nights. You’ve seen it.”

She laughed softly, pressing the tip of her finger to his lips. “Why take the boys with you, John? Why not find somewhere safe they could grow up.”

He hesitated for a moment. “I think it’s going to come back for Sammy. I was afraid that if I left him somewhere, it’d come after him when I wasn’t there and just take him away.”

That made a brutal sort of sense, a sad sort. 

“I don’t know if I can believe you yet.” She told him honestly. 

He nodded. “I’d be shocked if you could, Kate. It’s a lot to swallow all at once. I’ve got a hunt down in Texas I need to get to, demon of some sort and some missing person cases. Stew on it for a few days, when I’m done with that, we’ll come back this way. You can decide then how you want to move forward.” 

She nodded, pressing a kiss to his lips. “I’ll make coffee.”

He smiled quietly. “Put a shirt on first.” 

She swatted him, but there was no heat to it, and stopped to check on the boys before she went to the kitchen. Dean was asleep, Adam curled up on his chest beneath the sleeping bag and Sam tucked against his side.

There was a line of salt just inside the door. 

***

Breakfast was frozen waffles, scrambled eggs, and bacon. But Sam acted like she has served him a feast and ate everything she offered him.

Adam had a sippy cup full of apple juice and was cradled on Dean's lap, getting fed bites directly from his brother's plate. "You gotta eat, little man, so you heal." Dean told his brother quietly when Adam seemed on the verge of throwing a fit. He had an odd, quiet voice he used with the toddler, one she wasn't sure she could match but that seemed to appeal to Adam.

Whatever frustration he had been about to express always dissipated. 

It was fascinating to watch them together, to watch the echoes of how Dean must have been with Sam when he was that young.

It made her sad, too, because Dean couldn't have been that much older than his brother. 

He was drinking black coffee again, like his father. 

"We'll head out after breakfast." John told the boys.

Dean took a small breath, arm shifting around Adam, but nodded.

Sam looked up from his plate, kicking his legs under the table. "Yes, Sir."

She took a deep breath. "I can pack up some snacks for the boys."

John nodded, but didn't look up from his plate. 

She stared at him, wanting to kick him or something to get him to even look at the boys. Dean looked upset about leaving, even if he was trying to hide it. Sam looked entirely unsure.

But John was oblivious. 

"You'll be back in a few weeks." She said quietly, trying to be reassuring. 

Dean glanced at her, and then at his father, offering a small nod. 

She smiled a bit tentatively about him. "Adam will miss you while you are gone."

Adam tipped his head back, offering his apple juice to his brother. "Dean, thirsty?" 

Dean offered a small smile to his little brother. "Nah, buddy. I'm good. You drink that."

Adam frowned. "Dean go?"

"Yeah, but we'll be back. You be good and stay off that leg. Remember what I told you?"

Adam bobbed his head. "Stay on bed, throw salt at monsters, wait for Dean to come." 

Dean nodded approvingly. "Good job." 

Her heart sank a little bit, watching Dean. "That salt line keeps the monsters out, huh?" 

Dean nodded. "Yeah. Most things can't cross it."

"I'll make sure it stays in place until you get back."

Now she got a tentative smile. 

She smiled back. Dean didn't trust anyone, but she wanted him to trust her. If leaving a line of salt on the doorway would reassure him while he was gone, she would do that.

Sam was still eating, head down. 

She could be patient with both of the boys, she decided. She knew how to do that. At the very least, she wanted Adam to have a relationship with his older brothers.

***

She had put Adam down to sleep and was cleaning up the kitchen when someone knocked on the door.

She frowned at the clock before moving to answer it, making sure the chain was in place and looking through the peep hole before she even though about opening it. On the other side was a teen girl with short, dark hair and a worried expression on her face. 

"Who is it?" She asked through the door.

"Oh gosh, you're awake. Listen, I'm sorry to knock on your door so late. But my car has a flat. Can I use your phone?"

She gave the girl another look through the peep hole before slowly opening the door. "You need to call your dad?"

The girl gave her a miserable nod. "I don't even know how to change it. And I'm afraid to just try to flag someone down to help me."

She sighed softly, but undid the chain and opened the door. "Alright. Come on in, then."

Something hit her, hard, and she went down. 

The last thing she saw was the girl stepping over her, into the house and looking around.

She woke an indeterminable amount of time later, her face sticky with what she assumed was blood and hands tied on her back. Her head was throbbing and her vision had a weird halo at the edges.

There was a teenager pacing in front of Adam's door, not going inside. "Someone did the whole room, window too. She was almost too smart for us." He sneered at her over his shoulder. "Almost. Stupid bitch. Hey look, the little tyke is awake. Come here little guy."

Adam said "No" very clearly from inside the room and she groaned, trying to get up.

"She's awake, Dar." The girl said, sitting up from her slouch.

"What do you want?" She demanded, hating the way her voice slurred. "I don't have money."

The man came over, crouching down and running his fingers through the blood on her face. "We don't need money, Kate. Just your voice. You see your man has been causing us a whole lot of trouble. So you and the little bundle of joy are going to help us deal with him." 

She shook her head, biting her lip. "I'm not helping you."

He grinned. "I was hoping you would say that. Don't worry, we'll convince you eventually."

She shrank back automatically, staring at the insane man.

"I found her purse. She's got the number in her address book." The girl said, boredom clear in her voice. 

The male - Dar she had called him, glanced at the girl, questioning. "Should we call him and let him have a listen?" 

"We don't know how close he is, let's wait until we've roughed her up a bit." The girl replied with a slow, dangerous smile. 

The boy gave a dramatic sigh. "Fineee. Let's just get this over with. We want Winchester, not the bitch." 

She stared at the girl, confused. She was the one in charge? But she was only a child. "What did John do to you?" 

The girl smiled slowly. "Me? Nothing. But he causes a lot of trouble for us." Her eyes went briefly black. "Oh honey, didn't Johnny boy tell you what he does for a living? We're lucky we got to you first. There's a whole line of spooks that would love to have a few pieces of you and Winchester Jr. in there. I wonder if he'll even come for you?" She pulled a knife from the back of her pants, running her fingers along the blade. "After all, the only protection is on the tiny." 

She glanced to Adam's room, she could see him, sitting wide eyed on the bed, holding something tightly in his little hands. Dean's salt line. 

Dean's salt line was keeping these people out of his room. 

She shuddered. "He won't be back for weeks." She whispered.

"We'll see about that." Dar replied, glancing to the girl. "Now?"

The girl nodded, still playing with her knife. 

She braced herself for it, but nothing could prepare her for what followed. 

***  
She was drifting in and out of consciousness when the woman placed the phone by her ear, the phone already ringing. 

"Kate?" John's voice was concerned. 

She licked her lips, trying to draw enough breath to speak. But she could barely keep her eyes open.

"Kate? What's wrong?" 

The girl kicked her lightly and she groaned in pain, John clearly heard her. 

"How many are there, Kate?" His voice was suddenly serious, clipped and flat. 

"Two." She whispered just as Adam shouted. "DEAN THEY CAN'T GO BY THE SALT! HURRY THEY'RE HURTING MOMMY!" From the bedroom. 

The woman hung up the call, giving the bedroom door an irritated look. "Tiny is paying attention." 

"Well, he's a Winchester." The man said with a shrug. 

The woman grunted. "They will be on their way now." She crouched down by her head, running the blade slowly down her arm. "I wonder how many pieces we should leave her in?"

The guy watched them. "You wanna kill her before they get here?"

"I'm thinking about it. Go see if anyone has heard us. I don't want to deal with cops." She ordered the male, running the knife over her hair. She wound a piece of it around her hand, using the knife to cut it away.

"What do you want?" She whispered.

"The world." The woman said cheerfully, tucking the hair into her pocket. "Hey tiny, going to come out and say hello?"

Adam was sitting just inside the door, lower lip jutted out. He had to have crawled there, she knew he couldn't stand with the cast. She tried to wave him back, scared that the woman might be able to grab him.

"Stop hurting my mommy." And then he lifted, of all things, a squirt gun up, pointed at the woman, and squeezed the tiny plastic trigger. 

The woman fell back with a shriek, clawing at her face with visible steam rising from her skin.

She struggled to scramble to her hands and knees, crawling towards the room. She was trying to be careful, to enter without disturbing the barrier of salt. The woman grabbed at her foot, and Adam sprayed her again, holding up the squirt-gun as a threat to the woman. "Don't break the salt, mommy." He told her seriously.

She burst into sobs, picking up her son and running her fingers through his hair, kissing his cheeks and rocking his little form in her arms.


	7. Apples

The demons tested the salt lines from time to time, pacing back and forth along the line of it. A few times she dozed, exhausted and drained beyond all belief, but they would shout if they noticed her sleeping

And the resulting adrenaline rush destroyed any benefits they sleep might have given her. 

“We could just light the place on fire, smoke her out.” Dar suggested to the woman. “Salt wouldn’t protect her from smoke.”

“Oh you do have a brain.” The woman said, bored. “It would draw attention, small town. I don’t want to deal with the cops.” 

The guy huffed. “We could take them.”

“And bring every hunter from here to Minneapolis down on our head. Not worth it, even for the Winchester brat.” The woman replied, staring at the door frame. “For a soft target, she’s got a lot of defenses.” 

She curled herself around Adam, watching them warily from the center of the room. Was there a limit on what the salt could do? How long it could last? 

“So what, we just wait for the Winchester to show up?” 

“Mhm.” The woman replied, glancing at the door. She stared at it for half a second before it exploded inward with a crash and Dean stormed the area. 

Liquid hit the man full in the face and he screamed, the woman seemed to register what was happening, but she didn’t see her move. Just heard a crash from her bedroom as Sam charged into the room, shouting something in Latin.

Dean yelled “Runner!” And she heard John swear, the squeal of tires, and the man was screaming again, black smoke exploding out of him and surrounding the room for a moment before it dispersed. 

Dean came running into the room, hoping over the line of salt. “Watch the line, Sam.”

Sam nodded, running to her bedroom door and peering inside. “Went out the window. Think dad will get her?”

Dean shrugged, dropping down next to her, hands dancing along her arm quickly, eyes peering at Adam. 

She stared at him dumbly, wordless as he probed at her injuries and ascertained the severity of them. “Hit you in the head?”

“With the door.” She responded. 

He brushed her hair back, feeling along the wound to see if her skull was cracked. “How long were you unconscious?” 

“I don’t know.” She whispered. 

“Ok.” He pulled out a flashlight, shining it into her eyes. “We’ll watch it, you probably have a concussion. Looks like they were just looking to cut.”

She nodded. “The woman- she took a bit of my hair. Adam hit her with a squirt gun and I got into the room with him.”

Dean’s serious face slipped for a second. “Good job.”

Adam smiled at him sleepily, curled close to her shoulder.

“As for the other Demon, dad’ll run her down. Pastor Jim will be here soon, and if he can’t pin her down they’ll catch her in the morning.” 

She nodded, feeling dumb and a little bit slow. “A pastor?” 

“Yeah, friend of dad’s. Don’t worry, he won’t let onto hunters he doesn’t trust where you are. Let’s get some ice for your head.” Dean reached for Adam, and after a frightened moment she let him take him, and let him help her to her feet.

“Is…is he dead?” She whispered, feeling shaky and unsure. 

Dean glanced at the man on her floor. “Yeah. Probably. If not, we’ll deal with him in a bit. He’ll be out for awhile. Sam, get a ring of salt around him just in case.”

“I sent the demon away.” Sam said, sounding outraged. 

“Just in case. I don’t want any accidents with Adam here.” Dean ordered, guiding her into her own kitchen and setting her down. 

He handed her a bag of frozen corn, and got Adam’s sippy cup and medicine down, mixing it up and handing it to his little brother. 

“You go here fast.”

Dean flashed a smile. “Yeah. It’s only about a ten hour trip normally, if you follow the speed limits.” 

She blew out a shaky breath, holding the corn to her face.

“Want aspirin?” He asked, still balancing Adam and his sippy cup in his other arm, keeping an eye to Sam while he followed his orders to salt ring the man who had very shortly before been carving pieces out of her arms. 

“Yeah.” She shifted to take the water when he handed it to her, grimacing at the taste of the pill on the back of her tongue. “So, a pastor. I thought John wasn’t religious.”

Dean snorted. “He ain’t, but he ain’t stupid either. Pastor Jim’s a good guy, a bit preachy, but a good guy. Comes with the territory, I think.” 

She nodded a bit woodenly, staring at the floor of her kitchen. “Thank you.”

He stared at her, confused. “For that?”

“The salt. Without it….we could have both been dead.”

Dean frowned for a moment, looking down at Adam, and then over at Sam, who had flopped down on the couch and was casually playing with his gameboy as though he hadn’t just kicked in a door and fought a demon. “Protecting them is my job. Protecting people like you is too.” He said quietly. 

“It makes me sad to think that’s true, Dean. Your life should be about so much more than protecting people.” She whispered, holding her cup in her hands.

“Well, those weren’t the cards I got dealt. So. This is what I do.” 

She closed her eyes, and let the happy, chirpy music of Sam’s game lull her into a state of calm. 

***

It took John an hour to get back, and he wasn't alone when he arrived. A tall, pleasant looking man followed him in, crouching down to check over the man on the floor. 

He gave Sam a little nod, and Sam returned it with a little smile before hunkering down on the couch, shoulders hunched. 

John barely looked at her, stalking up to Dean. "What the HELL were you thinking getting out of the car like that!?" 

Dean froze for half a second, then shifted Adam's sleeping form into her arms before standing up to meet his father's rage. "I was thinking you had to put the car in park, and Kate's a civvie and Adam's too little to be much good in a fight. They didn't have that time." He wasn't shouting, but he had drawn himself up to his full height, lips pressed.

"You could have gotten yourself and your brother killed! You follow orders, you wait in the goddamned car, Dean! That fucking runner got away because you couldn't follow orders."

Dean scowled. "I did exactly what you would have done, _sir_ , and if she got away it's cause you couldn't catch her. I contained the scene, I dealt with the victims." He gestured roughly to her and Adam. 

John spun on her, and she shrank back a little, holding Adam close to her body. "You are a fucking IDIOT, Dean!" 

"You're the one that brought a civie into this!" Dean snapped. "And then left her here, without even telling her to salt the doors or how to test for Demons! Hell, that's the first damned thing you taught me." 

John made a fist by his side, and the man on the floor spoke up. "John, calm down. Dean and Sam did well, they are both unharmed." He stood up, dusting a fine layer of salt from the knees of his trousers. He turned his smile on her. "You must be Kate, I'm Father Parson's, is there anyone I can call for you?"

She shook her head dumbly, still holding her son. 

John gave Dean another sharp, angry look, and stormed into Adam's room.

Dean let out a small breath, shuddering and glancing at the priest. "Is he dead?"

"No, unconscious. His spirit is sorely taxed by the invading spirit. I will take him with me to rest until he has recovered the armor of the spirit." He smiled at Dean. "You and your brother did very well in handling him." 

Dean nodded, looking down, clearly not accepting the praise. 

"I remembered the invocation." Sam said from the couch.

"Did you? Your memory is getting better by the day, Sam. You will soon have my job." The man's voice was warm and full of genuine pride, it was hard not to relax watching him deal with the boys. 

Sam grinned, putting down his game boy. "Dad's pretty mad."

"He's afraid, Sam. Never mistake the anger he shows in his fear for disdain of your talents."

Sam sighed softly. "Wish he'd say that."

"I know, Sam. You should go with your brother to get your things from the car, I doubt your father will leave here tonight. I need to speak to Kate."

Dean glanced at her, making an aborted movement to take Adam from her. "Can he come with us?"

"Perhaps. Let Kate hold him for now." 

Both boys nodded, obediently going out the door to where she knew the car must be. Leaving her alone with John's friend.

She kept her head down, feeling too tired to deal with kindness or to speak.

"Ms. Milligan?" His voice was gentle, feel crunching on the bits of broken glass strewn over her kitchen floor. 

She looked up, he was smiling at her. "I know this must be very overwhelming for you, Kate. It can be a struggle when one discovers the life they have held dear barely scratches the surface of possibility. Do you have any questions?"

She swallowed, and shook her head a little bit to clear it. "How much danger are we in?"

He crouched down, still smiling. "That depends very much on what you do, Kate. This world is a very dangerous one. But there are things we can do to mitigate that danger for both you and Adam." 

She nodded a bit. "And John?"

"I think you know more about John than I do, Kate." The man said, his voice gentle, his eyes on Adam.

She flushed. "Making a baby doesn't mean you know someone at all. He came into my hospital." 

The pastor tilted his head a little bit. "Making a baby certainly doesn't take much knowledge of a person at all. You are correct. But John's call to me indicated that the connection was rather more significant than that."

She could feel the heat in her cheeks, which had nothing to do with the throbbing injury.

"Stop grilling her, Jim. Bless the damned house." John growled from the doorway to Adam's room. "I don't need you cleaning up my messes."

The pastor gave her a look of such warmth and empathy that she almost asked him not to go. "God has a purpose for all of us, Kate. While it may be hard to see His guidance in the tragedies of our lives, He give us no more than we can carry." He touched the top of her head in a small blessing and walked away. 

John took his place a moment later, touching her cheek. "Hey."

She smiled weakly. "Hey." 

"You ok?" He looked worried.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." She responded, touching his shoulder.

He laughed, running his hand roughly through his hair. "I'd rather we did. How's the little guy?"

"Proud of himself." She smiled quietly. "He got me away from them, thanks to Dean." Praise where it was due.

John frowned a little. "How?"

"Salt lines in his room, a squirt gun full of something that burned them." She smiled down at her son. "Dean's a good boy."

John nodded, but said nothing. "We can't stay here tonight."

She sighed. "I don't know if I will ever feel safe here again."

He grimaced. "Well, we'll find you a new place." He drew her carefully into his arms, and she settled her cheek on his shoulder, letting herself be held.

There was a good man beneath all of that fear and rage. There was a good father too, she knew that.

Somehow, she had to find the right way to tell him that.

***

He made her take a bath. It would have felt more bizarre if she wasn’t so tired. Dean had come back and taken Adam, Jim was still walking around the apartment chanting in soft Latin.

There was an entire pile of jewelry for her to put on after the bath, and little bottles and lotions that were intended to keep her safe later.

“Luckily, they were aiming to cause pain, not fatally injure you.” John said quietly, after using the entire box of peroxide on her chest, arms and stomach. 

“Luckily.” She responded dryly. 

“It could have been much worse.” He touched the unmarked side of her face, stroking the skin gently. “I’m glad Dean left the protection for Adam.”

She kissed his palm. “You should tell Dean that, John. That boy aches for a word from you that tells him he’s doing the right thing.”

John looked away, picking up the clean sponge he had been gently using for doctoring her. “Have you thought about where you’ll go?”

“I thought the Pastor was cleansing the place or whatever?” She asked, sleepy. 

“He is, which will be helpful for whoever lives here next. But she got away, and who knows what else knows you live here.” He looked down. “I led them right to you, Kate.”

“What’s done is done.” She responded, finally. “I haven’t yet. I was focused on surviving the night an hour ago. And now…” She sighed. “Hotel tonight, I guess? I can pack a bag for Adam and myself, call some of my friends tomorrow?”

He chewed on his lip, saying nothing, pressing the sponge to one of the weeping wounds. “You could come with us?”

“I have a life, John. I can’t just pack it all up and leave with you.” She said gently, touching his hand. “My mother would file a missing person’s report, my work would too. People would notice.”

He sighed. “I’m just afraid there’s no way to put this back in the box, Kate. Not for you or Adam. The world knows you exist now. My world. They’re not going to forget about you.”

“Pastor Jim said there were choices to make.” She said, still stroking his hand. 

“Yeah.” John closed his eyes. “Choices.”

“I think we will all make better decisions once we’ve had a chance to rest. I’m yours for tonight, and tomorrow we’ll see.” 

He leaned, kissing her gently, lips warm and salty and a little bit chapped. “Don’t die on me.”

“I’ll do my best.” She touched his cheek. “Don’t disappear on me.”

“I won’t.” He drew and released a huge breath, touching her shoulder with the sponge. 

She smiled gently. “That’s all I can ask of you.” 

***

Every part of her ached, even after letting John doctor up the wounds on her arms and chest to the best of her ability. 

She was going to have scars, thin scars, thick scars, scars that crisscrossed each other over her skin. She was trying to make peace with it.

“Mommy apples.” Adam said quietly, pointing at the fruit over her shoulder. 

“You want apples? Should we get some for Dean and Sam?”

Adam bobbed his head, smiling brightly. 

She was surprised John had let her go into the store with Adam, but he was sitting right outside with the boys and the Pastor, and she was sure if she took too long they would come in after her. 

Hotel or not, she wanted food that didn’t come out of a vending machine. 

“Excuse me, Miss? You dropped this?” A young, polite voice said behind her. 

She turned, nervous, and accepted the cross her offered, hand going to her throat on reflex. “Oh. I didn’t even notice-the clasp. Thank you.” She said, giving him a nervous smile. 

He didn’t look like anything more than a young human, but she had been fooled once already.

He smiled. “You’re welcome, seems important. I wouldn’t want you to lose it.”

“Well, thanks again.” She repeated, turning back to her son who was watching the man intently. 

“You know, people like you astound me. No powers, no skills, no ties to higher destiny or a bigger stake in the War than any other mortal. You’re just human, just a human making a mess like humans do. You’re so inventive.” He shook his head a little bit, walking next to her and waving at her son. “So unpredictable. Tipping the scales every day.” 

She stared at him, confused. “What?”

He laughed. “It’s hard to say at this stage if it will be for better or worse. But, that’s the glory of it all, isn’t it? Nobody knows.” He spread his hands. “Do you really think you can change his path?”

She blinked slowly. “Who?”

He shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see, these things need time to breathe. So many choices yet to be made.” He bent down and made a face at Adam. “And you. Hello little guy. Hello! You keep on being you, ok? Bye bye.” 

“Wait-who.” The cross fell from her hand again, clinging against the floor, and she bent to pick it up. 

By the time she stood back up, the man was gone. 

Adam stared up at her with wide eyes, then giggled. “Funny.”

“Uh huh….” She looked around, scratching at her arm reflexively. “Let’s just hurry up and get back to your dad and brothers, ok buddy?”

Adam nodded solemnly. 

She made as quick work as she could of the rest of the shopping trip, loading up on nonperishable snacks and meals, feeling like a terrible parent with every addition to the cart. 

The clerk didn’t look at her, a single mother shopping at three in the morning was clearly not worthy of his attention, just took her money and sent her on her way without commentary. 

She took the bags and her son back out to the car, letting Dean grab them and load them into the trunk. She couldn’t shake the sense that she was being watched, and that someone else was in the otherwise empty parking lot. 

John didn’t help the unease when she got back in the car, staring at her intently. “What happened to your face?”

“What?” She lifted her hand to it automatically, feeling dense and stupid. “Are more bruises coming in?”

“No, they’re gone. Did you talk to someone?” 

She pulled down the side mirror, staring at herself. The stitches were working there way out of her skin, the bruising and swelling had faded entirely. “What happened to…” She tugged up one of her sleeves, unwrapping the bandages that John had so carefully wrapped her arms in to reveal smooth, unblemished skin. “What…? I don’t understand.”

Sam leaned forward from the backseat and poked her with a wet finger, and shrugged when both his father and Dean looked at him. “She didn’t react.”

“Goddamnit, Sam, put the lid on the holy water and get it back in your pocket.” John growled, taking her arm more gently than his tone implied he was about to. “Does it hurt?”

She shook her head, letting him run his fingers over her. “There was a man. He said some…odd things? And then he disappeared.”

John frowned, took a nail out of his pocket and making her hold it. 

“Why do you have a nail?” She asked weakly, not sure she wanted to know. It made her feel a little silly, but she took it anyway, holding it in her fist.

“Iron.” He responded without expression, curling his hand around hers while the boys watched. 

When he finally let her drop it there was no mark on her hand, save for the faint impression of it. The same results were gained by salt, and silver and a further dousing of holy water. She was feeling progressively sillier by the moment, sitting the parking lot of a grocery store while her boyfriend tested to see if she had been altered by some creature or another.

“Maybe she’s a witch. We could see if she floats?” Sam chirped helpfully from the back seat.

“No.” She responded firmly. “No. No floating, no water, no more tests. Whatever it was it has not done anything. I’m tired, Adam is asleep, I want to go to bed. This day has been entirely too long already.”

She was not entirely sure he had been joking, and she wasn’t particularly keen to find out. 

John nodded slowly, and turned the car back on. “More tests once you’ve gotten some sleep, and we’re putting a salt ring around the bed.”

“Fine. Maybe it will turn to mushrooms in the morning and I will have gained the ability to grant wishes. But no more tests tonight. I’d like to thank whoever he was, ask for his business card, and move on.” She crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at John until he put the car into drive. 

Sam was still sulking in the back seat when they rolled into the hotel parking lot. 

When she reached into her pocket later, she found the sharp paper edge of a business card she knew she hadn’t put there. The name on it was done is audacious gold leaf. There was no number, no address. Just the name “Wil E. There whenever you need me.” 

She had to smile a bit at the pun, and didn’t tell John about it. 

It wasn’t like there was any way to track the person.

She was doubly glad for them when she took off Adam’s shirt to get him into new pajamas and found that there were no marks on him either.


	8. Pie

She slept in the circle of John's arms, Adam sandwiched between them. She didn't remember dreaming, later, her sleep had been so deep. She roused a little when someone got up from the other bed and left the room, and sighed softly as John unwound from her, seeking his warmth even once he had left the bed, falling back into a light doze.

The person who had left reentered the room, and she cracked an eye to see what was going on. Dean was balancing a tray of muffins, cereal boxes, fruit, cartons of orange juice and milk, and three tall Styrofoam cups she knew must hold coffee.

He settled the tray on the dresser, picking up one of the cups of coffee and taking it to John. 

John was sitting at the table with a pile of guns, methodically cleaning them.

She closed her eyes again, adjusting herself for better comfort.

"Hey." John said, soft.

"Yes?" Dean asked, his voice wary. 

John hesitated for a moment, small clicks indicating he was still working on the guns. "Sam take down that demon yesterday? Which invocation did he use?" 

"The one Pastor Jim taught him." Dean responded.

"Oh. Neatly done." John offered. "He's getting good at that stuff, isn't he?"

Dean made a small, agreeable noise. "Sam's smart."

"Yeah." 

The conversation quieted. 

"You did alright containing the scene until we got back." John said, finally. "Thanks."

Dean was quiet. "Shouldn't have jumped out of the car, knew Sammy would follow me."

The conversation died again, John working on the guns and occasionally one of them sipping from the cups of coffee. 

"Still, he pulls his weight." John said, finally. "So do you."

Dean was very quiet, and it was only because she was listening intently that she heard the small, barely audible sigh. "Yeah." 

Adam shifted in her arms, apparently not content to lay with her and pretend to be asleep, and the moment was broken. 

She yawned, uncurling a little and tickling her son's tummy.

Adam giggled, wiggling on the bed. 

"Good morning." She whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Mornin'" Adam responded with a smile, patting her cheek.

Dean came over to the bed, almost humming with anticipation of stealing his little brother.

She cuddled Adam for a second longer, then let him go to Dean. He nuzzled into his brother's shoulder, chattering about his dreams.  
Dean's face was soft, arms tight around the little guy as he carried him back to the bed he had shared last night with Sam.  
Sam was resisting waking up, pillow pulled down over his face. 

She needed to find a clinic to get his leg checked. If the cast was no longer needed, then they needed to get it removed. She stretched in the bed, turning a soft smile to John.

He returned it slowly, then turned back to the guns.   
***  
Breakfast was stilted, Sam wouldn't look at her, Dean barely spoke to her, and John seemed to have withdrawn into an emotionless shell of the person she knew him to be. 

Adam cuddled with his brothers, chattering and filling the silence with his voice. 

Dean at least seemed to appreciate it.

"Get the car loaded up." John said finally. "I'm getting a shower. Watch your brothers." 

Dean nodded, clearly understanding that the orders were meant for him. His eyes narrowed slightly when John motioned for her to come with him.

She blinked at him for a moment, but stood up to follow him into the bathroom. "You shouldn't do things like that in front of the boys."

"I just want to talk without them watching." John replied with a small shrug, stripping off his shirt. "We're going to Jim's today, he settled the former host with some of his people. He's a good ally to have, lots of connections. Pretty sure there's some holy brotherhood of clerical exorcists."

She nodded, watching him lather up his face to shave. "So he's a friend?"

John shook his head. "Ally. Hunters are not a friendly lot."

She raised an eyebrow. "But you trust him."

John shrugged, watching her in the mirror as he shaved. "Of course. He's a priest. I even let him around the kids."

"You don't let all hunters around the boys?" The entire mess of this was too confusing for words.

"People come to hunting for different reasons, some of them are damned useful but not all together sane." 

She sighed. "Ok, so don't trust all hunters, just the ones you tell me can be trusted."

He tapped his razor on the sink. "Use your judgment. But yeah, mostly. Jim'll get some of his guys down to Windom to deal with any increase in activity, should be clear in a few months. I think he's talking to one of his guys to get him stationed here."

"I can't disappear for a few months, John." She said firmly. "I have a job. I have a life in Windom."

He looked at her in the mirror for a second, then dropped his gaze. "Take a leave of absence."

She narrowed her eyes. "I am not taking a leave of absence, nor am I running away from this, John Winchester. I have family here, friends." 

"And leaving will let you keep them, you can't have anything if you're dead, Kate." He growled, lifting water to wash his face. 

"IS that what you tell the boys every time you have to leave a place?" She retorted. "How many times have you moved them entirely? How often are they living out of a hotel room? What sort of life is that, John?"

"They're alive to have it. I've kept them alive." He snapped, turning around to loom over her.

She stood up from the wall, meeting him halfway. "Don't be an idiot. You know better than that. You don't scare me, John."

"You should damn well be scared, Kate. You have no idea what I've gotten you into."

She scowled. "I'll learn, and I'll take precautions. I'll move, even. But I'm not running."

"Don't be stubborn." He snapped.

"If you're so afraid for me, then stay with us. Keep me safe." She bargained. "Don't leave Jim to clean up your messes."

He made an aggravated noise in the back of his throat, turning away from her to turn on the shower. "Goddammit Kate."

"You damned me." She snapped back. "God has nothing to do with this, and you know it."

He gave her a wounded, aggrieved look. "I do know that. And I wish I hadn't. This isn't the life I wanted for you or Adam."

"But it was ok for Sam and Dean?" She kept her arms crossed, staring him down.

"There wasn't a choice for them. There was a choice for you, for Adam. I could have kept you safe."

"And then what? In a few years when you find the death you've been chasing, what happens to us then? Do you think we would have been safe from every hornets nest you've kicked over that wanted to find a way to hurt you? What would have happened to Sam and Dean if you'd died on one of these hunts? How long would they have been able to wait?" She felt coldly furious with him, the fire of it settled in her stomach. "No thank you, I would rather know what I'm facing. I'd rather know about those boys, have them know about me, so if you die out there they know they have somewhere to go."

John stood silent, staring at her, breath unsteady. "Kate....a couple weeks, just a few? Long enough to confuse the trail, make them think you've gone with me. A vacation."

She stared at him. "A road trip, a working road trip for you."

"Please?" He was nearly begging. 

She scowled, and jerked her head in a small nod. "Two weeks, you have me for two weeks. Teach me what you need to, teach me how to keep us safe."

He heaved a relieved sigh, reaching for her. 

A part of her wanted to deny him it, but she stepped forward and let him enclose her in his arms, press kisses to her throat, draw her under the water.

She was still selfish enough to want him, even with everything that had happened.

***

She had traveled before, short trips with her parents when she was a child, road trips during the summer when she was out of school, vacations and a thousand family events. They had driven to the west coast once and she thought it would never end. But there had been stops, then, laughter as she stood next to the world’s largest tire swing or whatever else had caught her father’s eye.

It had been fun, they had been together.

There was nothing like that in John’s car, John picked the music, and John drove. The boys were quiet in the back seat, Sam messing with his gameboy and Dean playing some silent game of pantomime with Adam to keep him from fussing. 

Adam, normally a vocal and playful child, was unnaturally silent in the back seat, watching Dean or staring out the window with eyes too big for his face.

She couldn’t even begin to guess what the past few days might have done to him. It made her sad; the most stressful thing Adam had experienced to this point had been his vaccinations. 

She had failed her son on some primal level, and it wasn’t something she could really take back.

She had dragged a book out of her bag after awhile, losing herself in the story until the car slowed and eventually stopped outside some random greasy spoon in the middle of nowhere.

“Chow, out.” John barked.

Sam pause his game and slid it into his pocket, climbing out of the car and streaching, blinking as he looked around. 

It looked like any number of truck stops along any highway. A little rundown, but survivable. She shut her book and grabbed her purse, intending to grab Adam, only to find that Dean had already unbuckled him and slid out of the car. 

At some point John had moved the car seat to the middle seat, and Sam and Dean seemed fine with the arrangement. 

Adam made a sleepy noise, burrowing into his brother’s shoulder. 

John made a motion at the boys, and both headed inside. Then he grabbed her hand, lacing their fingers together. “Alright?”

She smiled. “I’ll be glad when we stop for the night and I can have a walk around. Do you and the boys ever talk to each other? It’s so quiet.”

John shrugged. “Nothing to say. They keep themselves entertained when we drive. I keep my mind on the road. Bored?”

“Yes.” She replied simply, keeping their hands laced as they followed the boys inside.

Dean was leaning over a glass counter with Adam in his arms; Sam slumped against it without looking.

“You like pie, Dean?” She asked curiously, peering at the display.

“If Dean was dying, he would still want pie.” Sam interjected, possibly the first words she had heard him speak the entire day. He yawned, cracking his jaw. “Let’s get a booth, I’m starved.”

The food was alright, hot at least, Adam had a sampling from Sam and Dean’s plates, and a few bites from her own, though he had randomly decided that her sandwich was not nearly as interesting as Dean’s fries. 

Dean even shared his pie with the toddler, though half of it ended up smeared on his face.

John was quiet, downing an entire pot of coffee on his own without glancing up from the paper he had grabbed just inside the door. 

“How far are we going today? We’re headed South?” She asked quietly, during a lull in the silence that seemed less confrontational than others. 

“St. Louis for tonight, we’ll see what Jim says in the morning. I’m letting him decide how hot the situation gets back in Windom.” John said without looking up from the paper.

Dean frowned slightly, Sam tensed a little, clearly agitated but saying nothing 

“So if things are too active there, we keep moving?” 

John nodded without looking up. 

She sighed softly, peering at the boys. “Guess you’re stuck with us for a little bit longer, huh?”

Dean gave her half a smile, Sam stabbed a French fry with his fork.  
***

She was not sure that she was built for constant travel. John had moved them to a different hotel every night for the past five days. 

she thought they were in Kansas. They might be in Missouri. She kept zoning out as the mile markers raced past. She had lost the taste for coffee after the third day, the smell of the stuff kept turning her stomach. Dean had noticed her shift in appetite and had started bringing her tea in the morning, John hadn't commented on it.

John seemed to survive on nothing but coffee and the occasional swig of alcohol from a flask he didn't think she knew he had. 

But aside from those occasional sips, he hadn't touched a drop of alcohol in the day they'd been with her. 

"Is he normally like this?" She asked Dean, quietly, watching the door. John was pacing outside, talking quickly on the phone. 

Dean shrugged. "Don't know what you mean." 

"Quiet."

Dean glanced at his father through the window, cuddling Adam on his lap. "No. Not usually quiet. Usually he drinks more, too, when he's not on a case." 

She nodded, rubbing her calves thoughtfully. 

"I think-" Dean interrupted himself, jiggling Adam on his lap and snagging a stuffed toy from beneath the edge of the bed. "Maybe I'll take him and Sam swimming later."

She smiled quietly. "Sure. We can get some floaters for him."

"Nah, he needs to learn to swim. I'll keep an eye on him. Give you and dad some time alone." 

She raised an eyebrow at him, and Dean flushed, looking at the ground. "Not stupid." He muttered. "I'll keep Sam and Adam safe, you keep dad in a good mood. Deal?"

She laughed softly. "Deal, though I think you are assuming things."

Dean grimaced at her, all pre-teen angst. "I don't want to think about _anything_ in regards to dad with _anyone_." He insisted. "But you keep him happy. How you do that is your problem."

She laughed. "Alright, Dean. I promise I won't give you any details about how I keep your father happy." Which really tended to be curling up on the bed together with John reading over her shoulder, not whatever she was sure Dean was assuming. "Where are we heading?"

"The Roadhouse, I think. Maybe. Or Bobby's." He sounded a touch hopeful about that.

"Bobby?" She asked, curious about the name.

"Friend of dad's, Hunter. He's...sorta like an uncle to Sam and me, want him to meet Adam. He and dad don't always get along." Dean said uncertainly, glancing to where his brother was sprawled on the bed. 

"I'm slowly learning all of the names. You'll have to hang in there with me until I do." She told him quietly. 

"I know. It's alright, I don't mind, really." Dean told her. "It's easier. You can talk to him." 

"You can't?" She asked.

Dean shook his head. "He ranks me." His smile was a tentative ghost on his face. "I'm just supposed to follow orders, you know? You-he listens, some. He's happier."

She smiled. "You're a good kid, Dean."

He looked down at Adam without responding, balancing his little brother on his legs.

Adam giggled, using tiny fingers to "paint" on Dean's face. It was a weird game Dean seemed to be using to teach him letters, tracing them on his palm or his cheeks in quiet moments while they were driving. 

Dean grinned, spelling out his name on Adam's nose with a fingertip.

"Dean!" Adam declared with a giggle, then spelled something out on Dean's face.

"Adam." Dean replied, kissing his brother's cheek. 

Adam looked behind him when John opened the door, shoving his cellphone in the pocket of his jacket. 

"We all packed?" John asked, picking up the toddler. 

"All except the kids." She responded, circling her fingers against the back of her legs one last time before she stood up. "Sam?"

He looked up from his Game Boy, then grabbed his jacket, clumping to the door. 

She had really expected that Sam would have been more open to her presence than Dean was, but it seemed the reverse was holding.

John passed Adam off to Dean, who dutifully took the toddler out to the car.

"Bad news?" She asked John as she headed for the door.

"Bigger problems. I'm going to have to leave you and the boys in the next town for a few days. Think you can manage?" He asked, running hands over his face.

"Between the two of us, I think Dean and I will." She said, resting a hand against his arm. "Bad?"

"Could be worse." He gave her a slight smile. "I won't be gone long. But I'll leave you Jim's number for if anything happens."

She nodded, giving him a little peck on the lips. "Dean wants to take the boys swimming when we get to the next town. So pick a hotel that has a nice pool."

John sighed, but nodded obligingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well hello everyone! I honestly started this because of a discussion with a friend, and the plot bunny bit hard. It's entirely unbetaed, so let me know if you spot any errors. I guess I am just glad people are enjoying it!
> 
> More soon.


	9. Pizza

John leaving was entirely unremarkable. He kissed her, ruffled Adam’s hair, gave Dean a stern look and told Sam to mind.

That was it. He was gone before she even registered he was really leaving, leaving her with only the memory of a kiss and an overwhelming desire to hit him.

Maybe even a few times, if he didn’t take the reeducating as it was meant.

Dean drifted back into silence, playing games with Adam on the hotel floor that involved an old, battered checker set, a few pieces of hotel soap and she thought a half dozen colorful marbles.

She had no idea what the game was, but they both seemed to be enjoying it.

Near nightfall, Dean had gone over the preparations with both of his brothers, showing Adam the salt lines and getting Sam to pour it.

Dinner had been pizza that had frankly been so unappetizing she was glad to let the boys have her share of it. 

“We’ll need to go grocery shopping soon.” She mused aloud. 

Dean gave her a weird look. “Why?”

“What, do you really plan to eat pizza the entire time John is gone?” 

Dean glanced at Sam, who glanced at her, and offered a small shrug.

“Multivitamins. Vegetables.” She grumbled, leaning back on the bed. 

“Supreme Pizza has vegetables.” Sam defended. “See, there’s a whole pepper on this one.” 

“And a pound of grease, eliminating any nutritional value.” She objected.

Sam scowled. “It still has vegetables, you said vegetables. And cheese, cheese is like….calcium, and meat is protein, and the bread is starch. It’s a super meal.” 

She sighed at him. “It’s an occasional snack, not a meal.” 

Dean grunted. “What about burgers then?”

“One of these days I’m going to make you boys homemade pasta and bread, and you will never want to eat fast food again.” She said with another sigh.

Sam picked at his pizza, not looking at her, jaw locked. 

She frowned, trying to figure out what she had said to upset him.

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” Dean said finally, nudging Sam. “Eat your food, kid.”

***

On the third day John was gone, Sam disappeared. Dean swore a string of creative curses until he realized Adam was watching with wide eyes. 

"Where do you think he would go?" She asked calmly.

Dean paced back and forth, rubbing his face. "There's a hunter bar near here, he'd probably go there. Try to find someone to take him to Bobby, maybe? Or Pastor Jim....idiot." He scrubbed at his face.

"Ok, then we should check there first. Calm down, we'll take care of this."

Dean nodded miserably. "Should we call dad?" 

"Let's see if we can find him first. Show me where the bar is?" She picked up Adam, settling him against her shoulder. 

Dean hesitated, looking nervous for a moment. "You probably shouldn't go, Kate. Hunter bars are...well." 

"I am not letting an eleven-year-old go into a bar alone, Dean." She responded firmly. "Let's just go before he manages to get himself in trouble."

Dean looked nervous the entire way there, but grabbed her arm and drew her along with him as they got closer to the door. A lanky bouncer was leaning against the door, smoking and seeming entirely without a care in the world.

"Dean! Figured we'd be seeing you before long."

Dean smiled weakly. "Hey James, Sam's here?"

The newly identified James nodded, looking past Dean to her. "She's a little old for you, kid."

Dean flushed. "She's not-um, James, this is Kate, she's dad's..." He looked at her questioning. 

"I'm Kate." She said calmly. "I'm looking after Sam and Dean for John." 

James tipped his hat up, sweeping her up and down. "Kate. Where you hunt out of? Don't think I've seen you round here before. I know most of the faces."

Dean's hand tightened around her arm, warning.

But the silence seemed to answer the question, because James continued as though they had. "Your daddy's a fool, Dean." James said curtly. "Go on inside, get your brother and get her out of here." 

Dean grimaced. "She's a nurse."

"Don't care what she is. You're just as dense as he is, bringing her and a little guy into this."

"We didn't have a choice. There were demons after her." Dean defended. 

James took a quick step forward, lifting Adam's chin and looking directly at her son for half a second before she pulled away, regaining her personal space. "Yeah. I can see why. Your daddy's a fool, Dean. Don't you follow his example." 

Dean ducked his head, looking down at the ground. 

James opened the door. "You stay safe now, Miss." He said gently. "Don't take nothing to heart, you did nothing wrong."

She nodded a bit nervously, holding her son close.

"He's a beautiful baby." James offered as they stepped inside. 

The room was crowded, hazy with smoke and smelling of alcohol. There was a line of salt under glass just inside the door, and she stepped over it without thinking. 

A second bouncer offered them both a drink, peering at Adam with an expression that was almost gentle. "It's just water, he'll need to drink up as well."

She nodded, taking a sip and passing the cup to Adam. 

He whined about it, but obediently drank it. 

"He's a bit young." The second bouncer said quietly. "You are too." She told Dean with a teasing smile. 

Dean grimaced. "I wouldn't have brought them here if Sam hadn't taken off."

The woman held up her hand. "There's always an excuse. I know. Not particularly interested, Dean. You go get your brother and you look after her."

Dean nodded, keeping his head down as he walked to the corner of the bar where Sam was sitting with a milkshake.

"Sins of the father. Poor kid." The woman said quietly. "I'm Lucy, you met my husband outside."

She smiled a bit weakly. "I'm Kate. It's really not his fault."

Lucy gave her a little smile. "I know, Kate. I don't blame Dean, but I won't have him making excuses for his father in my bar. John's a hard man, and you won't have to go far here to find someone who will tell you how much they disapprove of how John's handling those boys." 

She nodded. "I've only been traveling with them for a little while, but I-" She blew out a little breath.

Lucy smiled at her. "Hunters are hard men to love, Kate. John's on a mission, that makes him even harder to follow. It's alright. I won't ask for you to speak ill of him. I do have one question." 

She smiled a bit weakly. "What?"

"Can I hold your baby? He's adorable." 

She laughed, and let Lucy take Adam, the woman cuddled him and pressed kisses to his cheeks. 

There were a few other hunters around them, most were looking her way, but seemed to slide their gazes away when she looked at them directly.

Dean was sitting across from Sam, talking to him quietly.

It was the sort of dingy bar that she would have loved in her college days, pool tables and beer bottles and a lot of very tough looking people. 

Another woman came drifting over, leaning over Lucy's shoulder and dangle her fingers in front of Adam's face, laughing when he reached to grab her hand. "God, he made another one. Idiot man. How soon before this one stops smiling too?" The woman asked. 

Lucy shrugged and shushed her. "Mama's still alive, maybe it'll make a difference."

"Not likely. You've met the man, he's got about as much warmth in his soul as a glacier." The woman gave her a little nod. "No offense, miss. You got a name?"

She tugged at the edge of her jacket. "Kate. I'm a nurse."

"A nurse?" Lucy asked, eyes narrowing. "Well, that's useful. You got any skill with sutures? Got a man that got bit on his last hunt that could use seeing to. Would be much obliged if you could take a look."

She glanced at Dean and Adam. "Is he here? Do you have medical supplies?"

Lucy nodded, and the woman took Adam from her arms. "I'll keep an eye on the baby Winchester, don't you worry. I'll let around that his mama's a nurse." The woman offered. "I'm Beth, you ask around and you'll see my credits good for it." 

She watched Adam nervously, looking to Dean in question, but Dean didn't look at them. 

Beth wondered over to one of the pool tables, Adam in her arms and spoke to a tall, burly man who all but melted at the sight of the toddler. 

"This way, Kate. In the back. We've got a bit of an infirmary. Don't you worry about your boy, nobody here will hurt a baby. Not a hunter's kid. We've all got families of our own, and those who us who don't anymore are even more protective of the little ones." Lucy said, taking her by her arm and leading her through a doorway.

There were several men and two women laying on narrow cots, one of the women was straining against leather straps holding her to the bed, face clammy with sweat.

The man in "need of stitches" had been nearly gutted, the wound packed with bandages and his eyes glazed, staring off into the middle distance. 

She took a deep breath, slipped out of her jacket, and moved to the sink to wash up.

***

She wasn't a doctor. She kept repeating that, and people from the bar kept coming back to have her look at this wound or that wound. One man had a broken arm that had been fairly decently splinted, but the bone was slightly out of alignment and would have healed crooked if she hadn't very carefully pushed it back into place and got him into a hard cast.

Lucy seemed to have no end of medical supplies. 

They had left her to tend to the non-walking wounded first, and then it seemed like someone had let out that there was a nurse briefly in residence and everyone had something they needed to have looked at.

None of them trusted hospitals, or none of them wanted to try to explain to a hospital that the boil had been caused by some flame breathing dog they had chased down an ally in Denver, or that the venom causing their fever was from some mystical beast nobody even believed in.

Dean had come back to check on her a few times, looking uncertain with how to deal with her sudden elevation in the eyes of the bar, but had mostly drifted back to the table with his brothers once he had assured himself that she was not being hurt by any of the people asking her to look at their injuries.

Hunting was dangerous work, and none of them complained that she didn't have the tools to knock them unconscious before she removed something from their skin, or lanced a wound, or done any number of things. They were an able lot, and most had a kind word or two for her, a few offered to pay her but it had felt entirely unethical to take payment for what she was doing. 

"Alright, alright. Anyone got anything more serious than a blister? No? Well, then Kate's taking the boys and going home." Beth barked when someone seemed on the verge of entering the backroom after her latest "patient" had left with his arm in a sling. 

Beth grimaced at her. "Not many medical folk in the hunter community. Sorry about that. They'll keep you for days if you let them."

She laughed. "I don't mind."

Beth smiled a bit oddly. "I don't think you do, and I thank you for that. Just be careful."

She nodded. "I didn't feel threatened."

Beth gave her another odd, cautious look. "Yeah, well, they wouldn't. Thank you. You need anything while you're in town, you just let us know." 

Lucy appeared at her shoulder with a sack. "I've mostly kept the boys fed, and Caleb stopped by for a bit to check in. Gave Sam a pretty stern talking to about running off on you, so I don't think that will happen again. You get yourself and them home, and like Beth said, you need anything you send Dean for James or me." 

She nodded. "Let me know if Aiden's fever spikes, I think he should be fine, but no heavy lifting for him for at least a month or he'll pop the stitches. Jen should be fine in a few days, but keep her hydrated while the venom works its way out of her venom. It was seriously a naga?"

Beth snorted. "A little one, but those things are vicious. Took it out, but she got enough of a nibble in before we did that Jen's down for the count until the venom works its way out." 

She sighed. "I'm still getting used to this."

Lucy patted her shoulder. "You did good work. We're all grateful. Beth will drive you four back to the hotel, don't want you out there walking with three kids, no matter how good those two boys think they can handle themselves." 

She smiled at Beth. "Thank you. John took the car."

Beth rolled her eyes. "John's a dummy. Come on, we'll collect the kids. Eat what Lucy packed for you." 

She nodded, watching as Beth claimed her son from Dean's lap, tweaked Sam's ear, and got the older two moving towards the door.

Sam stopped just short of her, looking down at his shoes. "I'm sorry for running off." 

She took Adam for Beth. "It all worked out in the end. Tell me if you want to go somewhere next time?"

Sam nodded, shoving his hands into his pockets and walking towards the door. 

Beth's car was a beat up pickup truck, missing the passenger side rear view mirror and with a considerable gun rack in the back of the extended cab, as well as a giant tool box strapped down in the bed of the truck.   
There were a few suspicious stains on the seats, but it started up smoothly when Beth put the key in the ignition. 

Sam and Dean clambered into the back and she held Adam in her lap during the short drive back to the hotel.

"Thanks again." Beth said, giving her a small nod as she stepped down and reclaimed the boys. 

She smiled. "Just let me know if there's anyone else."

Beth gave her another odd look. "Don't worry, they're all babies. They'll come bawling for you as soon as they get a paper cut now." 

She didn't know what to say to that, really, so she said the first thing that popped into her head. "I'll keep a bag of suckers on me, then."

Beth hooted and slapped her wheel. "Man, you do that, I'll pay for them myself. Giving them suckers for sitting down like good little boys for the doctor. Haha, you keep an eye on her, ok Dean? I like her."

Dean nodded, grimacing more than smiling. "I will. Let's get inside." 

***

Someone knocked at the door as she was giving Adam a bath. Dean answered it, but before he had a chance to say anything Sam shouted "Uncle Bobby!" and flung himself at the man at the door, who obligingly scooped him up like a sack of potatoes and flung him over his shoulders. 

"Jeez, Sammy, you're getting too heavy for this. Hey, Dean." 

She wrapped Adam in a towel, carrying out of the bathroom to meet the stranger who apparently wasn't at all a stranger to the boys.

His face lost a lot of the animation, and he sighed. "Shit. I hoped Beth was pulling my leg."

She raised an eyebrow as Adam twisted to peer at the new person. "Well, she wasn't."

The man sighed, swinging Sam to the floor. "Sorry about that, Ma'am. I'm Bobby, friend of John's. Beth gave me a call late last night tellin' me that John had left the boys somewhere again, and boy-would-I-not-believe-what else. I tend to take Beth's stories with a healthy dose of skepticism, that girl likes to talk." 

She smiled faintly. "I'm Kate."

Bobby gave her a little nod. "Pleased to meet you, Ma'am. That's Adam?"

She nodded, watching him intently for any sign that she should be worried. But he had crossed Dean's salt line without even commenting on it, and as aloof as Dean tended to be there was a definite lean to his posture that indicated he wanted to be swung around like the man was doing with Sam. 

Sam tugged impatiently on Bobby's arm. "Are we going with you? Did dad send you?" 

Bobby ruffled his hair fondly. "Not at this moment, cool your heels kid. Common, I got some stuff for you boys in the truck. Let Kate get that little brother of yours dressed so he's suited for polite company." 

Sam glanced at her, but quickly followed Bobby out into the parking lot. 

Dean followed him a bit slower, glancing back at her with a tentative look of...she wouldn't even dare to put a name to the expression. This man was family, someone these boys knew and had known since they were young. She was a stranger they were sharing a hotel room with and slowly getting used to. 

She waved him on, turning to her bag to get clean clothes. She would need to find a laundry mat soon, they were running out. 

Critically, she eyed the boy's bags and wondered what sort of negotiations she'd need to go through to get Sam to let her wash his things. Dean was probably the better person to lean on for that. Did John wash their clothes normally? She was pretty sure she had seen the shirt Sam was wearing now at least twice, and she knew they hadn't stopped for laundry unless Dean was sneaking out in the middle of the night to do it. 

Adam was watching his brothers through the half open door, not entirely enthused about getting dressed. He was at that stage where clothes were a bother and if she let him he'd bolt naked as the day he was born. 

She hoped she hadn't just let the boys walk off with someone who was going to kidnap them. "Shit, John, what did you leave me with?" She muttered under her breath.

Adam switched his gaze to her, smiling. "Love, mama." 

"Love you too, buddy. I feel like I am out of my depth though." She ruffled his hair, then helped him into his pants. 

"Don't swim deep." Adam told her solemnly. 

She laughed and kissed the top of his head. "Dean tell Sam that?"

Adam nodded. "Dean say no go deep." 

"Did you enjoy swimming with Dean?" She asked him. 

He nodded. "Dean blow, and we look under the water." He told her proudly, puffing out his cheeks. 

She chuckled, brushing his wet hair with her fingers. "Dean did, huh?"

Adam nodded again. "Big blow, then no blow so water stay out." 

"Good job, Dean's pretty smart, huh?" Probably the most trustworthy pre-teen she had even run into. 

Adam nodded quickly, grinning up at her before looking to the door, clearly wanting to join his brothers. 

"Alright, alright. Let's go." She scooped him up again, walking to the door.

Sam was sitting on the bed of Bobby's truck, swinging his legs and talking animatedly about something he immediately stopped talking about when she stepped outside. 

Dean was leaning against it, head tilted and eyes closed and looking completely relaxed for the first time since she had met him.  
So there was someone in the world who could still convince Dean to act like a child. She had a feeling she was going to like Bobby.   
Bobby let the silence hang for a few moments before stepping forward. 

"Let's go get some breakfast. Sure you boys have been surviving on Lucy's cooking and hotel food." Bobby offered, lifting Sam down from the bed of the truck. "Me and Kate have to talk a bit, then I'm all yours." 

She resettled Adam on her hip, looking at Sam. "They tell you what's been going on?"

"Told me their dad's off on a hunt again, that he left them with you and Adam. That there was some trouble up near your house." Bobby offered, herding the boys into the back of the truck. "Lock up the hotel room?"

She turned back, stepping inside to grab her purse and lock the hotel. "Did we cause any trouble going to that bar last night?"

Bobby looked surprised. "Trouble? Nah, Beth said the locals liked you. Said you patched up Aiden and he might pull through now. So don't worry about that. She was worried about the boys, we try to keep track of where John drops them off. Thought they were still with Jim, after the trouble back a few months. Guess not." He sighed. "I could strangle that man sometimes."

"That seems to be a common perspective on him." She said quietly, looking down. 

"Dean says he listens to you." Bobby said, sounding a bit hopeful. 

"Listens? I don't know. Maybe I just yell louder." She replied with an uneasy laugh, handing her son inside to Dean. "You're his brother?"

Bobby shook his head. "Just a friend. Been around the boys since they were little, Sam was still in diapers first time he brought them around." 

"Oh. He said something about a hunt, do you know what he's hunting?"

Bobby grimaced. "Let's feed the kids first, then we can talk about John's hunt." 

***  
Sam was definitely more animated with Bobby around. He had chatted about everything he could think of through breakfast, only stopping to shovel toast and bacon into his mouth.

Dean was quieter, but there was still that gentle lean. As though he was a plant and Bobby was the sun, providing him with long denied nutrients. 

Bobby, for his part, was a relaxed and easy going listener, talking with the boys on a number of topics. He teased them, he lured them into conversation whenever there was a lull, he was patient and unbothered by the occasional inanity of the conversation. 

She tuned out after awhile, letting the soft chatter watch over her. It was almost overwhelming, after so long in a void of silence. She hadn't even really noticed it until now it was broken, and there were voices again. 

John seemed to pull all the animation out of these boys. 

She sighed softly, staring into the depths of her tea, trying to make her mind focus. 

It was the isolation that was doing it, she thought. A slow muddling of things, until her world narrowed to Adam and John's boys, and nothing else. The bar had been an overwhelming jolt of activity, and Bobby was just a gradual awakening to how distant she had let herself become from life. 

John hadn't done them any favors in dropping them together, the boys didn't know her, she didn't know them. She was trying to adjust herself to accept them in the same time they were trying to decide if they even wanted to.

Bobby paid the ticket, and pressed a foam cup into her hands. "This'll travel. I saw a park driving in, it will keep the kids entertained while the two of us talk. Alright?"

She nodded, smiling at Dean.

He didn't look at her, head down. A soldier relieved of his duty, she thought. Bobby was well enough trusted to take over.

He didn't even try to grab Adam as they walked back to the truck, slumping into the back seat and closing his eyes.

Poor kid. She guessed she wasn't the only one slowly letting themselves wake up.

Bobby drove them to the park, and Dean seemed to wake up enough to realize he was meant to take Adam, and soon the boys were happily distracted with monkey bars and tire swings, running around like any other kid around them.

"So you and John, huh?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah. Met him a few years ago. I treated him, actually. After a hunt. He came through again a few months later, realized I was pregnant, and kept showing up." She looked down at the tea cup. "I didn't know about the boys."

Bobby grunted. "I didn't think you did. You don't strike me as the type. So he kept darkening your door these past two years, finding some place to leave them." 

She nodded. "I guess, yes. I can't be sure."

Bobby made a tired noise. "Man. What a mess. He's an idiot." 

She grimaced. "I get that feeling sometimes. It seemed to be helping, the time he spent with us. I thought...well." She shook her head. "I thought it was helping."

"I think it was. He was letting it go until it got to be too much, then going to hide in the little corner of normal he had carved out for himself, recharge enough to face it again. I wouldn't even be mad if he hadn't ditched the boys out in the cold while he was off cuddling his new family."  
She winced, hands tightening around the cup. "I didn't know that's what he was doing."

"I know, Kate. God, I do. John lies to people like most men breathe. But it's hard for the boys, you know? Neither of them dislike you, they just don't know you, and they don't trust anyone. John's made good soldiers about them, and now he's dumped them with you expecting them to just adapt. Sam's angry, but he can't be angry at his dad because he's John, so he's angry at you. Easier target." Bobby grimaced at her, looking at where Dean was pushing Sam and Adam on a swing. 

She watched the boys. "So what should I do? Leave?"

"Naw. That's a bad idea, if you ever want them to trust you at all. They love Adam, those boys, brothers are the other thing John has let them have. So Adam's easy. You - well, Sam don't remember Mary, and I think Dean remembers more about her dying than he does about having a mom."

"I'm not trying to replace her, you know." She whispered to the cup. 

Bobby gave her a sad look. "I know, but smart as those boys are, they're eight and twelve, not adults. Not up for dealing with explaining how they're reacting to you. John dumped this on them, dumped you on them. And expects the two halves of his life to meld seamlessly because that's what he wants them to do. Except people aren't parts, they're people. They get hurt when you bang them about, and if you make them go too fast they fall apart. You follow?"

"Mostly." She replied with a sigh. 

"What do you want to do? Go back to Windom when this is all done, accept him showing up from time to time again?" Bobby asked.

She shrugged. "That was the plan, I think. Once it's safe."

Bobby made a face. "Sweetheart, it ain't ever going to be safe for you again. You're known."

She closed her eyes. "I don't want to be a hunter. I don't want...this for Adam."

"Ok, that's a good starting point. What about support staff, like you did last night?" Bobby flopped down on a bench, watching her. 

"Patching up people from werewolf bites and getting gunshot?" She retorted dryly. "I don't know. I liked helping them."

"It's a good business, minus the werewolves. You and Adam would be pretty safe, and probably pretty well off. Not a lot of folk want to get involved enough to patch up hunters." 

She sank down next to him. "It feels wrong."

"That's cause you're used to being inside the law on things like this." Bobby shrugged. "So come at it slower. What do you want for you and John? You want a relationship? You want him to be Adam's father?" 

She frowned. "He is Adam's father."

"Blood don't matter a hill of beans, Kate, less you're trying for a blood ritual. He's their father too, and you can see what a fucked up job he's done of things." 

She looked at Sam and Dean. "He loves those boys."

"He don't know how to be a dad to them though." Bobby replied calmly, not blinking. 

"I love him." She said after a few moments of silence. "He drives me crazy, and I feel like sometimes I barely know him, but I do love him." 

"That's good. Someone damn well needs to, and it ain't going to be me." Bobby said with a little grin. 

She laughed a little. "I don't know what I'm doing."

"So, figure it out." Bobby gave her a little nudge with his elbow. "A lot of people will thank you if you can figure out how to tame John Winchester."

She snorted. "Please, I'm a nurse, not a magician." 

Bobby snort-laughed, shaking his head. “Damn. Coulda had both.” 

She rolled her eyes at him in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted more nice female hunters in the world. So have some hunter bar.
> 
> Also John left her without a Car, bad John.


	10. Salad

Dinner was out somewhere, with Bobby insisting on paying and buying both boys full, adult sized plates rather than ordering off the kid menu for them.

They both made a considerable dent in the plates, eating until they clearly could not eat another bite. 

Sam started to fall asleep before Dean had finished his second slice of pie, draped against Bobby's side. 

Bobby seemed entirely unsupervised, hand settled on Sam's head, thumb circling against the back of his skull until the light dose had turned into a drooling, gape mouthed sleep.

"He not been sleeping well?" Bobby asked Dean, concern. 

"Nightmares." Dean answered shortly, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. "Same ones."

"Damn." Bobby sighed, keeping Sam close and warm. "Jim talk to him about it at all?"

"Sam won't talk to Jim." Dean frowned at the table. "Not about that."

She watched them, sipping her tea, Adam draped against her stomach and fast asleep. "What is he having nightmares about?"

"There was a case that got at them, John dropped them with Jim and took care of it." Bobby replied, still circling his thumb against Sam's skull. "Shook both of them up." 

She looked at Dean, who kept his eyes on the table. "Was my fault, it almost killed him."

"I doubt that. Where was your dad?"

Dean shrugged rather than responding. 

"Dean, I know you take good care of Sammy, and you're a great big brother, but if anything happens to either of you it's your father's fault, not yours." She said gently. 

Dean scowled. "My job to take care of Sam, Kate. Dad's got enough on his plate. I take care of Sam."

She caught the small shake of Bobby's head and let the subject drop. "You done eating, Dean? Both the little ones are pretty well crashed." Bobby asked, taking a last swig of his coffee.

She grimaced slightly at the whiff of smell. 

"Yeah." Dean pushed his plate and cup away, looking down at Adam. 

"Let's get back to your room, I got the one right next door. We'll go rattling around the town, look at the sights or something tomorrow." Bobby offered. 

She nodded, though she could tell the statement was directed at Dean.

Bobby carefully picked up Sam, though the little boy didn't show any sign of waking up, just nuzzled into Bobby's shoulder.

She resettled Adam against her shoulder, grabbing her purse and letting Dean slide out after them. He walked between them out to the car, shoulders slightly slumped.

***  
Bobby seemed to know just what to do to animate the boys, after breakfast he had dragged them to a few museums nearby, one in an old school that Sam had laughed about.

Supposedly, it was haunted. Hunters had checked it over, and nobody had managed to find anything.

So Dean and Sam had spent a lot of the time there leaning over reports of activity and peering at supposed ghost photos and giggling about how gullible people were. 

It was amusing to see them animated, even if they were being a bit morbid at the moment.

Dean had stolen Adam about midway through the visit, and Bobby had dropped back to walk with her.

"It's weird to see them acting like children." She mused, crossing her arms.

Bobby snorted. "Yeah. John's raised them pretty strict. But there's a lot of silliness in them that doesn't get a lot of chance to get out. I try to take them to things like this whenever I get a chance."

"You're half raising them at this point. No kids of your own?" She asked.

He looked sad for a long moment. "Wasn't in the cards for me. But I like em, the boys are as good as family to me."

She had the feeling she should apologize, whatever she had glanced over was clearly painful. "They're good kids. I just wish I could give them what you do."

Bobby smiled at her. "Give em time, Sam's....well, he might seem less messed up by all of it, but they're both pretty wrecked by it. He's jealous right now."

She blinked. "Of Adam?"

Bobby scratched his chin, watching Dean set Adam in one of the little school desks while Sam slid into another. "Not exactly. At least, not in the way you're thinking probably. He likes the kid he says. He's more...Sam hates this, all this moving around, never staying in one place for very long. Cept John intends to return you and Adam to your normal lives, and so Sam's cohabiting with the enemy right now. He's got some things he needs to work out."

She watched the boys, then closed her eyes. "What about Dean?"

"Dean'll do what his dad tells him to. Take care of you, watch his brothers, fight the monsters in the dark. If John says they're moving, Dean moves. John ain't even let him have opinions of his own, so he doesn't have em. Sam though, Sam's had Dean as a buffer. If John gets mad at Sam, Dean takes the heat. So Sam doesn't accept John's word as law like Dean does." Bobby sighed. "Codependent mess. And John doesn't deal with them like kids."

"I've noticed." She said dryly. 

"Yeah, I bet you have. I've tried to talk to him, but well...John keeps John's council. Most folk have given up telling him he's doing it wrong." Bobby grimaced, looking up at the ceiling. "God knows how he's managed to stay alive this long, what with how he's driving himself."

She nodded, watching Dean write on the chalkboard for his brothers, he was doing the alphabet and chasing Adam back into his desk every time his little brother tried to come up to join him. "He's a good kid."

"No thanks to his daddy." Bobby said with a sigh. "After Mary died, Dean raised Sam. Sam was just a baby. So you bringing Adam in, to him it's just the same. New kid to look after, that's his job. Mind the kids." 

She shook her head. "I don't know how to fix that."

"Keep trying." Bobby suggested. "Keep fighting with him when he's wrong. Keep telling him how to do better. I think things would have been different if Mary had lived, so maybe you can make them different by being a partner."

"Was Mary a hunter too?"

Bobby snorted. "Retired. But yeah, she was a lot like Beth, but don't tell Dean that. He's got a crush on her." 

"Wouldn't that just make the crush worse?" She asked, laughing when Dean lifted Adam up to scribble on the chalkboard. 

"Probably, knowing Dean. He's a good mama to them, but he hasn't had much time to grow up himself. John treats him like he shouldn't need time to be a kid." Bobby sighed. "Like I said, a big mess. John's an idiot, but he's a good man at the core of it. A prickly asshole, but a good man."

She remembered the man in the store asking if she thought she could change him, and wondered again who he had meant. Dean? John? The rambling commentary of a stranger with healing powers shouldn't chase her around like this. 

But it did. 

"Do you think he will listen?"

Bobby shrugged. "Man, you know him better than I do, probably. You had a kid with him, so I hope you do. We just gotta keep trying."

A little girl walked past them, joining Sam in the desks. The two children scribbled on the slates, leaning together.

She watched them with a little smile, though she didn't see any parents for the little girl. 

Sam seemed to be enjoying interacting with her, and Dean was pretending to be a stern teacher to get them to stop passing notes. 

It was harmless fun, and the most important part of it was that they were having fun. 

"When did he tell you to expect him back?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Few days. But that was a few days ago." She shrugged. "Dean said not to worry unless its been more than a week, John said he would call."

Bobby grimaced. "Wonder what he got the whiff of?" 

She shrugged. "He didn't tell me. I have a number to get in touch with him if there's trouble."

Bobby was silent for a few moments, then scowled. "That's more than he leaves Dean with."

She blinked. "What?"

"He doesn't leave Dean with his newest number, doesn't want Dean to be overly dependent on John saving his fucking ass." Whatever Bobby had been about to say after that was interrupted by Sam, who stood up in his desk and shouted for him.

Bobby shut his mouth, going over to see what Sam wanted without another thought. 

The little girl had disappeared during the discussion. 

She was left with a restless sense of unease, with no real solid plan on how to handle it. 

***  
Beth peeled into the parking lot just after Bobby had put the truck into park. "Kate! We need you at the bar an hour ago, damn I've been looking for you for almost two hours!" She gave Bobby a jerky nod. "Hey, Bobby, boys."

She froze, glancing at Bobby. "Can you-"

He nodded. "Go on, I'll keep an eye on the boys. Beth, you keep her safe." He barked.

Beth nodded, already climbing back into the truck and motioning her for her to do the same. 

She obeyed, jumping into the cab without another thought. 

Beth was babbling something about "porcupines" and "whole gang of them." 

But she was barely hearing her, looking in the rear-view mirror as the boys clambered out of the truck. 

She wasn't sure what sort of porcupines Kansas had, the spines still embedded in the men were as wide as her thumb, with barbs all up the shaft of them that further caught in the skin. 

It took hours to figure out how to get the barbs to release, and even longer to finish picking the thick spines out of their skin, stitching up the wounds that had been caused by it. 

It wasn't something she could rush, not without shredding the skin as she forced the barbs out. There had been ten men on the hunt, and ten men now to see to. 

By the time they had finished with it, the sun was only a few hours off from rising. She choked down a mug of coffee with a grimace, trying to work the kinks out of her back and neck.

"You could sleep here tonight." Lucy offered, concerned.

She shook her head. "Thanks, but I want to check in on the boys before I crash. If Beth doesn't mind taking me back?" Not having a car was frustrating, it meant she was at the mercy of others being willing to cart her back and forth. The lack of independence was unfamiliar and galling.

"She won't. We need to sort you car situation out." Lucy nodded to her husband, who vanished. "We appreciate what you do, Kate. Looking after those boys and looking after our boys. It won't be forgotten, even if you won't let us pay with cash."

She smiled a bit. "I really don't mind, please. Let me know if there is anything else I can do for them."

Lucy nodded with a little smile. "You get some rest first. Then we'll talk." 

Beth was quiet and sleepy as they climbed back into the truck. Some of the stains were gone from the seats, and the blood had been washed from the back of it. 

She leaned against the window, half dozing and trying to flex feeling back into her fingers. 

"Thanks, Kate." Beth said quietly.

"Yeah. You're welcome." She replied sleepily. 

Beth hopped out of the truck at the hotel, coming around and opening the door for her. "Want me to get your door?"

"Yeah, that'd be fine. Hate to wake Bobby up, but I want Adam." She would sleep better with her son nearby. Stretching, she walked to the door, knocking lightly on it.

Bobby appeared a few moments later, blinking at her blearily. "Kate? Something wrong?"

She shook her head. "Just getting back, figure the boys are asleep but wanted to get Adam. Thanks for watching him."

Bobby's eyes narrowed. "...you came and got Adam hours ago."

Her entire body went cold. "I've been at the bar, Bobby. I haven't-I didn't." 

Bobby's face didn't shift; there was no humor in his eyes. "You came to get him. You talked to Sam and Dean. You walked over the salt line."

"Bobby?" Dean's voice was sleepy from inside the room.

She held out her hands in a silent appeal. "Bobby, I didn't come get Adam. Ask Beth. Call Lucy. I swear, I've been at the bar. Test me."

He did, after that. She drank salted holy water, she held cold iron until her hands were numb to it, and he wrapped a silver chain around her wrist, she barely felt it. Everything was focused on the waves of panic spiraling outwards.

She had left her son in a safe place; she had left her son with safe people. Why was this happening? How had this happened? How had someone looked like her well enough to fool Bobby? Why? Please, please, let him be safe. The prayer shook its way through her, and she found herself clutching at the medals that Jim had draped around her neck, until the faces of the saints were making an impression in her hand. 

She couldn’t cry, and it felt like her throat had closed entirely. 

Lucy was called at some point, because she and James were shortly in the room, Beth was growling at Bobby for his apparent lapse, Sam was standing next to her like a little ghost, his face pale and his eyes wide.

Dean was pacing, not speaking. 

It felt like her entire world had just fallen apart. The sound of the voices around her were just noise, she could barely hear them. Just a rushing in her ears, the thunder of her pulse and the hum of her breath. 

Beth reached out, catching her arm before her legs folded underneath her, a wave of terror overwhelming her to the point that she couldn’t breathe. 

“Shifters.” Bobby was saying. “Probably a nest of them somewhere. John taken any hunts targeting shifters lately?” 

“Not that I know of, haven’t had problems with them in years. They tend to keep a low profile. So why now?” James asked.

“Well, it knew exactly what it wanted. It must have been keeping a close eye to know when Kate would be away for long enough for it to come get Adam.” Bobby said, frowning at the map. 

Beth hummed softly, praying quietly next to her, stroking her hands and arms. “Should we call John?”

“What’s he gonna do except get pissy with everyone? Call Bill, he might have enough brain to get through John’s stupid head.” Bobby growled. 

“I’m going to be sick.” She managed to choke out, and Beth pressed an ice bucket into her arms with a soothing hum. 

She had thrown up for times before she could gather her wits back to her, and still felt shaky and nauseated as she sat at the table, staring down at the map on the table, clutching a can of cola Sam had found for her somewhere. 

"Alright so I am sending people to block the main roads out of town, I've got a couple of dogs that are good at finding scent and am getting them brought it. We're splitting the city into units, taking volunteers. But most of the people know who Kate is, so they're pretty willing." James spread his hand out over the map, making little stars on the points where he was setting up patrols. 

Bobby blinked. "They know who Kate is?"

"Our last friendly doctor got eaten by vampires about five years back. Having a nurse even for a few nights makes people want to keep that." James said dryly. "Plus, they know the boy is John's. You know how they get."

Bobby nodded. "Big city, James. What do you wager it is?"

"Shifter of some sort, has to be. It looked like her. But they're crafty, could have just run into her at the store or watched her passively. So we're loading silver on every team. The boys can go into-"

"No. We're not going into the bunker. He's our brother." Dean growled, pushing his hands down on the table.

Bobby's coffee sloshed over the rim of his cup.

"Dammit." He turned to grab napkins, mopping up the spill. "Dean, you can stick with me. We’ll leave Sam and Kate here, just in case it comes back.”

“I’m going.” She whispered.

“No, you ain’t. Beth’ll stay here with you. Shifters can pick up on the person they’re mimicking, read their thoughts and grab so they can make a convincing show of it. They become the person. If we take you with us, they’ll know we’re coming.”

Sam came to her side, touching her arm, leaning his little body into her. She slipped her arms around him, hugging him tightly, her hands trembling. 

“I’ll keep an eye on her, Bobby.” Sam said solemnly. “Be careful, Dean.” 

Dean ruffled his brother’s hair. “Don’t worry, I’ll look after them.”

“We’ll call you as soon as we find the nest and have Adam.” Bobby promised. “Beth, keep an eye on them. Ok?” 

Beth nodded, rubbing her shoulders. “They’ve hunted shifters before, you don’t worry, Kate.”

Sam touched her arm. 

“Come out, we’ll go over the plan where she can’t here.” Bobby ordered Kate. 

Her eyes burned, throat welling with a scream she couldn’t voice. 

Sam waited until the door closed, and then carefully picked up the map. “Look, Kate.”

The spill of Bobby’s coffee had made an X on the map, marking a cross street only a few miles away. It seemed entirely deliberate, except she knew none of the hunters had marked it. 

“What?” She asked, confused. 

“We need to go there.” Sam said firmly. “Quickly, while they’re distracted.” 

She stared at the boy, who had passively accepted being left behind without a blink. “You think he’s there?”

“X marks the spot, right?” Sam grinned. “Maybe your guardian angel is looking out for you again.” 

She let out a shuddering breath. “Ok.” It was a terrible idea, to go without the other hunters. But Bobby said…if they were wrong, then it would be nothing more than a short diversion. 

If they were right, if this person had taken on her own self, then maybe she could convince them to give her son back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody ever wants to call John, and Sam is the king of TERRIBLE IDEAS.
> 
> Welcome back to the Winchester Train of bad ideas.


	11. Ice

It didn’t look like the secret lair of some shape shifting demon that had stolen her child.

It was a daycare, a brightly painted, cartoon covered daycare.

There were even children playing in the yard, children who stopped what they were doing to watch her and Sam carefully. 

She pushed open the gate, looking between each of the small faces, trying to detect – something. 

Whatever it was, she didn’t find it. The children looked frightened, but they did not look like monsters. 

Sam shifted closer to her, silver chain wrapped around his fist.

She walked up to the door and knocked on it quietly. 

The little girl from the museum opened the door, staring out at her solemnly. “Hello.”

She tried to smile, but it died on her face. “Hello, again. I need to speak to your parent.”

The girl looked at Sam, and then behind her thoughtfully. “Did you come alone?”

She nodded slightly. “I just want him back, nothing else.”

The girl stared at her through the screen door, hand on the frame. “She said you would come.”

“Who did?”

“The demon. She said the baby was his son, the slayer. But you are not a killer. I would smell it.” The girl unlatched the door. “I will take you to my mother.”

“Thank you.” She whispered, following the girl inside. “Are those children outside your siblings?”

The girl nodded slightly. “Yes.”

“You know that taking a child might cause the hunters to look for you.” She told the girl quietly. 

The girl nodded again. “We know. But they look for us already.” 

“They look for you more if you take people.” Sam said, scowling.

The girl looked at him. “And we look for you more when you kill us.” 

Sam frowned at her, clearly caught off guard by the retort.

“I am not going to tell them where you are. I just want my son.” 

The girl nodded, pushing open a basement door. “Mother, the woman has come.”

And then, out of the darkness, stepped herself. 

The doppelganger had twisted up her hair different, and wore a pair of faded, torn jeans but it was still the face she saw in the mirror. “I know.” 

She took a shuddering breath, staring at the woman, clutching Sam’s shoulder with her hand. “I’m here for my son.”

The shifter tilted her head slightly, humming a quiet note of contemplation. “You came alone.”

“Yes. If you…” She shook her head. “I just want my son, I don’t care about you or your family. I just want Adam. Is he alight?”

The shifter looked down at Sam, and then to the little girl who had led them down into the basement. “He is sleeping, he had a long night. But I kept your form so he was never frightened.”

“Thank you.” She said, impulse stealing through her. “I know you didn’t have to do that. But thank you, enough has happened around him these past weeks. So saving him from that fear is appreciated.”

The woman watched her, appearing slightly confused. 

“She’s not a hunter.” The little girl said, crossing her arms and studying them. “The little boy is going to be.” 

The woman reached for the girl, trailing her fingers through her hair. “The hunters are hunting.” 

“Yes.” She said quietly. 

The woman was silent, thoughtful. 

She shivered a little bit, Sam looked up at her. “Can I see Adam?”

The woman looked to a door in the darkness of the basement, and then nodded her head slightly. 

She went to it at once, opening it and stepping inside. Her son was sleeping on the bed; blanket tucked carefully around his little form, mouth open in a tiny snore.

Relief crashed over her, and she knelt by the bed, running her fingers over his hair and kissing his forehead gently. 

Sam peeled the blanket back, pressing a little circle of silver to Adam’s hand and holding it there for half a second before tucking it back in his pocket. “It’s him, for real. Wanted to make sure they hadn’t got one of their little ones to shift into him while they took off.”

She nodded, carefully picking up her son, wrapping him in the blanket. 

“I wonder how you found us so quickly.” The woman wondered from the doorway. 

“There was an x on the map. I can’t explain it.”

The woman eyed her, thoughtful again. “The demon wants your son.”

“Why?”

“Because it hates your partner. Because it works for someone who hates him more. Because it is a demon.” The woman shrugged. “There are many reasons, pick one. It will keep hunting, calling favors and demanding compliance until it gets him.” 

She shifted Adam against her shoulder, tightening her arms around him.

The woman closed her eyes as though to block the view out. “Eventually, you will have to hunt it.”

“I’m not a hunter.” She replied, shaking her head. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” 

The little girl leaned against her mother’s side, eyeing them.

“You will.” The woman said quietly. “When they come for your son, you will find it in you to fight.” 

Sam coughed next to her. “Can we go?” 

The shifter looked at him for a moment. “Yes. You may go. You have given me something altogether more dangerous than your little brother.”

Sam frowned, looking up at her. 

“Will you leave? You and the children?” She asked.

The woman smiled and touched her daughter’s hair again. “Yes. When your hunters come, they will find nothing here.” 

She shifted Adam against her shoulder. “I don’t think I understand everything that happened tonight, or today, or whatever. But thank you for keeping him safe.”

The shifter smiled and stepped out of the doorway. 

She took Sam by the hand and walked past them, up the stairs. 

The children were gone from the yard when they walked out. 

***

Sam was quiet most of the way back, kicking rocks along the sidewalk and looking at his feet. 

It was bright outside, and Adam was a warm, heavy weight against her shoulder as they walked. 

“Why’d they go to all the trouble of taking him if they were just going to give him back?” Sam asked quietly, when they were only a little bit away from the hotel.

“She told us. Not directly. But she said the demon would call favors or force compliance until she got what she wanted.” She circled her hand against Adam’s back. “What I can’t figure out is what we gave her.”

Sam scowled. “I can’t either. But they weren’t acting like shifters. Shifters are mean brutes. Not ladies running daycare or little girls.”

She kept circling her hand against Adam’s back. “Well, everyone has to start somewhere, right? So I guess they have to be born.” 

Sam paused, looking at her from under the fringe of his hair. “What?”

She shrugged. “If you’re fighting things, you should know that. So of course there are baby shifters, of course they have families. I bet some of them just live their lives and ignore the messes the rest are making.”

Sam’s brow furrowed, lips pouting out as he tried to work his way through that. “She played with us at the school. That little girl. Then she just slipped away and was gone again. When I saw her there, I thought maybe she was trying to take Adam then. But…”

She smiled a bit. “Maybe she just wanted to play? Most of the kids there looked younger than she was.”

Sam looked down, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Stupid.”

“I don’t think so. If they’re running every time the hunters find them or get too close, then I bet she doesn’t have a lot of chances to make friends. She might be lonely.”

Sam stopped moving for a second, chewing on his lip, clearly thinking something through.

“What?” She asked.

He shrugged a little. “Guess I never thought of it like that.”

She laughed. “Well, when you meet things, I bet everyone is ready for a fight. There isn’t a lot of time to get life stories, is there?” 

Sam shook his head. “We mostly meet adult ones, and then dad kills them.”

She nodded. “You meet the ones that are causing problems. Not the ones that are just trying to stay alive.”

“Yeah.” Sam said, finally. “Yeah.” 

She reached out tentatively, ruffling his hair. “The world is full of different points of view, Sam. Some of them help, some of them hurt.”

Sam puffed up his cheeks. “I just think about, how sometimes when dad goes on a hunt, I start worrying that he won’t come back. And then….I think of that girl, and I wonder if she sat there waiting for her dad to come back one night, and he didn’t, because some hunter had found him.” He looked up at her, suddenly uncertain. 

“Yeah. Maybe.” She responded quietly. “It’s hard.”

He nodded. “We gotta stop the ones.”

She nodded. “Yeah. You do. Someone has to.”

Sam looked down. “We should get back, or Bobby will flay us and Dean will scowl.”

She smiled at him, giving his hair one last stroke. “Ok, Sam. Let’s get going.” 

***

It wasn’t, it turned out, Bobby that they needed to worry about when they got back. The Impala was back in the parking lot of the hotel, the other trucks and cars parked around it. 

She knew most of the people around the cars, though even knowing that the people here were friends didn’t really stop it from feeling like a brawl was about to explode. 

Dean was standing near his father, the skin around his eye darkening into a vivid bruise. 

Bobby and John looked like they were about to go at each other, Bobby’s face was red and sweaty.

Sam slunk behind her, scowling.

“John?”

As one, the hunters turned, John broke free of the circle and pulled her into a crushing hug against his shoulder, then held her back at arms reach, pealing the blanket off of Adam. “Where the hell did you go? What were you thinking?” 

She grimaced, but when she started to tell him about the trip, what tumbled free was a lie. “I got a call. Someone-they said I needed to come, alone. I snuck out while Sam was in the bathroom and Beth was getting gas in the truck. Sam followed me, but-“

He shook her. “Don’t ever do that! You could have been killed.” 

Adam woke with a little, startled cry. 

She broke away from John with a shove, shushing her son gently. “You need to calm down.” She told him firmly. 

“I need to calm down?! You met with a shifter, alone! You took my sons with you! What the hell were you thinking?!” 

Bobby came slowly to her side, looking down at Sam, clearly not entirely believing her story. “She was thinking she’s a mother, and she got a call about her son. You brought her into this, idiot. You left them here alone, with no support. Do you expect her to get it all through osmosis?” 

John spun on him, on the verge of throwing a punch. “You don’t talk to me! Get out of here, all of you!” 

Beth stepped forward, scowling at him. “Why, so you can take off again? Leave a woman and three babies without even a car to their name?”

“Dean had it under control before you idiots got involved.” John snapped. “What the hell were you thinking taking her to the bar – twice?!”

“I was thinking that there were injured men, and their wives and children would likely appreciate it, John.” She growled, stalking forward. “I was thinking that the kids needed me to suck it up and get involved. You were thinking about yourself. Get inside, you’re making a scene.” 

John froze, staring at her for a moment like he wasn’t sure what to do with her. 

“Bobby, test me. Test Sam and Adam too. Right here where everyone can see us.” She thrust her hand at him. “Nobody is going to have any doubts about this.”

Bobby gave her a small, alarmed look, but reached into a pocket and came up with a silver knife. “Sam, comer.” 

Sam stepped around her, keeping her between him and his father, and let Bobby make a shallow cut on his arm. She let him do the same, and then carefully picked Adam’s finger with the tip of the blade. “There. We’re not shifters, Adam is back with us. I thank you all for your help in looking for him, and apologize for the loss of sleep. Dean, go get some ice for your eye and stay with Bobby.” 

He shot her a quiet, confused look, but nodded. 

She shifted Adam to Bobby’s arms, kissing his forehead. “You be good.” She gave Sam a little push towards Bobby, nodded quickly to Beth and James, the faces she immediately recognized in the crowd, and grabbed John’s arm to drag him inside. 

John gave her a look, and adjusted his stance to make it seem less like he was being dragged. 

Someone in the back of the crowd of hunters snickered. 

*** 

“What the hell, Kate?” He snapped, shaking his arm free. 

“I could ask you the same question. What the hell was that? Giving Dean a black eye! Screaming at everyone who has been trying to clean up your fucking mess?! Those are friends out there! God knows where those boys would be without Bobby!” She responded, tugging off the jean jacket she had put on. 

“They put you in danger! They dragged you further into this, into places you in no way needed to be! Adam wouldn’t have gotten grabbed by a Shifter if they hadn’t come for you.”

She turned and gave him a furious look. “And some of your supposed friends might have died, if I hadn’t gone. Adam also wouldn’t have ever been targeted if it weren’t for you being a hunter.”

John gaped at her. “You’re blaming me for this?”

“Damn right I am.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m blaming you for everything you have and haven’t done, John. Those boys-they live off pizza and whatever they can get their hands on.”

“Dean knows how to handle himself.” John said, dismissive. “I’m not taking about Dean.” 

She laughed. “That’s funny, because I am. Dean is _twelve_ , John. Twelve is not old enough to be left in charge of anything with more impact than a yard sale.”

“He was fine until you started dragging him to the hunter bar! He knows what he’s doing!” John snapped.

“He doesn’t know anything! He’s a KID, he’s allowed not to know!” 

John stared at her. “You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t! Because you haven’t bothered to explain anything, to me or them. You tell them what they need to do, but not why, you tell Dean that he needs to look after his brothers, but damn him if he needs looking after himself! What are you even thinking, John? I have half a mind to load the boys up in the car and take them back to Windom, the demons at least follow certain rules.” 

John stepped back, frowning at her. “You can’t take them.”

“They would be safer with me, or Bobby.” She narrowed her eyes. “You haven’t been a father to them; you’ve been a drill sergeant. Dean’s a soldier in your army, not a son. Sam hides behind his brother, so he has spirit left to him. Give me one good reason not to take them and give them a chance at something normal.” 

John stared at her. 

“You want to hunt. You want to chase the monsters out of the dark. That’s brave, but it has nothing to do with them. Dean and Sam need a chance to chose this life for themselves.” 

John swallowed hard, shaking his head. “You can’t take my boys.”

“I can, and I will if you can’t give me one reason they wouldn’t be better off with me.” She kept her arms crossed, staring at him. 

“They’re my boys.” He protested. 

“That’s not a good enough reason.” She grabbed her bag off the bed, shoving her things back into it.

“What are you doing?” He grabbed her arm, pulling her back; she turned around and laid the flat of her palm sharply across his cheek with a resounding smack.

He stared at her, his eyes wide and shocked. 

She drew a breath. “That demon is looking for you; she’s looking for your boys. If you’re not going to protect them, then someone needs to.” She jerked her arm out of his grasp. “Come find us when you’re ready to talk. I have Jim’s number, and Bobby’s. I’ll contact the local hunters and get a house for the four of us.” 

“Kate.” John’s voice was a little bit shaky.

She turned to look at him.

He stared back at her for a second, and then nodded shortly. “I’ll send money.”

“That’s fine.” She responded shortly and continued packing. 

***

She had suggested they take the bus, Bobby had insisted that he drive her, and another fight had nearly exploded between John and everyone else involved before that was settled. 

Dean and Sam were silent, both very still, not raising an objection at all.

Jim had been called, and had called back only an hour later to say that he had a house in mind and it would be ready for them when they got there. 

There were no goodbyes, really, John vanished at some point when they were loading things into Bobby’s car. She didn’t see if he’d said anything to the boys, he hadn’t said goodbye to her. 

Dean had spent several moments looking around for his father, clear disappointment on his face when the man did not appear. 

But he hadn’t argued about it, hadn’t complained that they were leaving. He had held ice to his eye and held Sam’s hand, and sat as silent as a statue in the back of the truck the entire six hour drive back to Windom. 

It was a victory, she guessed, but it tasted like sour candy in her mouth, sharp and acidic and wrong.

She still felt vaguely nauseated, and her hands shook slightly with exhaustion. 

But they were going home, she was taking the boys and they were going home.

John had chosen, and so had she.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No I don't hate John, I love his stupid face, but he needs to listen to someone. The next chapter will include a minor time skip. Just a couple months. Mostly because I want Kate to deal with the boys out of the honey moon phase.


	12. Salt

The new pattern of her life was not so different from the pattern of her old life, there were just more children to juggle. 

She had gotten Sam and Dean enrolled in school with Bobby’s help, she had come to the house to find furniture and her own things stored neatly, found rooms set up for the boys, and protections set to keep them safe. 

Jim had even found time to get her a new car, and would take no protests about the fact. It fit Dean’s rangy form better, and it drove smoothly.

Jim had looked after everything, had provided her with everything she would need for herself or the boys. He had even – smart man – stocked the basement like a small clinic. 

And now she did take payment, because it made the hunters who came to see her in the early hours of the morning feel like they weren’t taking advantage of her when they brought their buddies to her. 

She worked shorter shifts at the hospital, mostly centered on the daytime hours, with friends who were more than able to look after the boys when she wasn’t there. 

It was as though she had always lived in the giant house. After four months, it was like the boys had always lived with her. She shifted, taking a deep breath of the steam from her tea, watching them play in the light dusting of snow outside. 

Adam was so bundled up she could barely see his face, Dean and Sam were flinging snowballs at each other, though both were careful to avoid hitting their younger brother.

The snow was still falling, dusting them as it did. 

It felt right, the weird nesting instincts the winter brought.

Dean lifted up his little brother, letting him pull on a branch that sent half a snow bank from the branches onto Sam, who looked less than thrilled with his new snow logged state. 

She laughed, setting down her tea and going to the kitchen, arm resting half instinctively across her belly. “Let me help with dinner, mom.”

Her mother turned to shake a spoon at her. “Not a chance. It’s Thanksgiving. Go watch those boys of yours out the window, and let me take care of you for once. Really, I can come down until the baby is born. I know Dean helps you, but…” Her mother sighed. “Have you heard from him at all?” 

She leaned against the center island. “No. I told him to come find me when he was ready to talk, he apparently isn’t ready yet. He’s been in contact with the boy’s uncle – Bobby, you met him during Dean’s first game?” 

Her mother nodded, lips pressed into a line. “I remember. Nice man. He loves those boys a lot.” Her mother might not approve of all the choices she had made – Helen was a staunch catholic, and her daughter giving birth to two children out of wedlock, and taking in her boyfriend’s two sons smacked of a liberal mindset her mother couldn’t quite wrap her head around – but she was doing her best to support her in them. 

She nodded. “That’s him; he’s been in contact with Bobby and Pastor Jim. He’s fine.” 

Her mother huffed. “’Fine’ but still not calling the boys. Honestly, Kate, there are perfectly nice, dependable men in the world. Why do you always go for the ones that are more trouble than they’re worth?”

She laughed softly. “John’s worth a lot of trouble, mom.”

“So you keep telling me. I haven’t met the man. Just seen what he leaves in his wake.” She shook the spoon at her again. “Military men are trouble, Kate.”

“That’s not what you said about dad.”

Her mother snorted. “Your father was trouble himself, Katharine, you know that.” Her mother shook her head, dramatic. “I hope your brother decides to come back for Christmas this year. I’d like to get a few pictures with the boys.” 

She nodded. “I am sure they’d love to have some pictures with their grandma.”

“Of course they would.” Her mother tutted. “Raised by wolves, really, Kate. Really. The situations you get yourself into.” She stalked away to finish the pies, still shaking her head.

She watched her go, swallowing the urge to laugh. She had invited Bobby to Thanksgiving, but he had apologetically begged off for another engagement, and then talked to Dean on the phone for two hours about something that had clearly been bothering her stepson. 

She knew it disappointed the boys, but he had promised he would be there for Christmas, and that he would pass the invitation along to John. 

But for now it would just be them, and the late November snowfall. 

And she thought, maybe, that might be alright. 

***

There were times she didn’t quite understand the things the boys had been denied, and Sam’s surprise at the fact that Thanksgiving was a thing was definitely one of those moments. 

She saw her mother’s face as she walked into the kitchen, the stern sort of disapproval that said in no uncertain terms she was not happy, but was trying not to speak ill of John in front of the boys. 

“It’s a holiday.” Dean explained half heartedly. “People eat a lot.”

Sam stared at all the food on the table. “That doesn’t sound like much of a holiday.”

Her mother put her hands on his shoulders, shaking him gently. “Are you telling me, Sam Winchester, the boy who has grown an entire foot in the past few months, who can eat an entire package of hot dogs on his own, is not hungry? Lord, save me, I think he’s been body snatched.” She gave him a playful push towards the table. “It’s a family holiday, Sammy, we’re celebrating how happy we are to have you. That’s why Kate’s friends are coming, that’s why your uncle would have come if it weren’t for the family emergency.” 

And why John should have been here, but her mother knew better than to say that. She swallowed a sigh.

Sam laughed. “Alright, alright. I’ll eat. I’m not a shifter, promise.” 

“Good boy. I worked hard on this meal.” Her mother kissed the top of his head and fluffed his hair until it stood on end. “Come on, Dean. Help me set the table.” 

Dean unfolded himself from the doorway, moving to help her mother with the plates. 

“Sammy, you keep an eye on Kate, if she tries to lift as much as a spoon you sit on her until I get in here. It’s bad for the baby.”

She sighed. “Mother, I’m four months pregnant. I am fine to lift, carry, and work.”

“In my day you would be home with nothing to do. It’s barbaric making a woman work outside the home when she’s growing a baby in her belly.” Her mother responded with a flap of her hand. “You mind the door; let those ladies you work with in. Delly is bringing that sweet potato pie she makes, and I have made her promise to save me a slice.” 

She shook her head slightly at Sam, who was staring over his shoulder with wide eyes. “She takes some getting used to.”

Sam gave her a wry, amused look. “Maybe that’s where you get it from.”

She threw a balled up napkin at him. “Keep an eye on Adam, make sure he doesn’t escape the baby jail. I’m going to obey the Fräulein and mind the door.”

Her son looked up from the game he was playing, beaming at his brother. 

Sam waved her off, flopping down into one of the chairs to keep an eye on Adam. 

The doorbell rang before she even got there, and she quickly unlatched it to pull it open.

John was standing on the doorstep, looking down at his feet. 

She stared at him for a few long moments, the cold making her breath visible. “Hello, stranger.” 

He blew out a little breath, lifting his head to look at her. “Bobby said you wanted me to come.”

She raised an eyebrow, stepping out into the chill of the night despite the brutal cold on her feet through her socks. “I wanted you to call the boys, and then I begged you to call the boys. Inviting you to Thanksgiving seemed like a last chance to get in touch.” 

“Yeah.” He looked down. “I’m sorry.”

“You should say that to Dean, he’s the one who thinks he’s been betraying you by being happy here. You missed all of his games, you know. You missed Adam’s birthday too. He’s three now, but you missing his birthday is nothing new for him.”

“Bobby showed me pictures.” He said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I didn’t want to bother them. Bobby said they were doing good.”

“You’re an idiot. I hope he told you that too.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “They would have been doing better if you had bothered to call them, John. If you had bothered to reassure them.”

“I’ve never been good at that.” He said, staring down. 

“Obviously. My mom is here, she doesn’t think much of you.”

John laughed. “Never been good at that, either.”

She shook her head. “You are an idiot.” 

“I know, Kate. I’ve earned that.”

She sighed, looking down at the driveway, Maggie was climbing out of her car, escorted by her husband and getting their little girl out of the back of the car. 

“You like making things awkward, don’t you?”

He tugged on his scarf. “Would it be Thanksgiving without someone getting yelled at?” He looked at her stomach. “I’ve given you more problems than you deserve, Kate.”

“If you are even thinking about applying that to any of the children, you’d better walk away right now.” She told him coolly. “Get your stupid face inside, and don’t push them. You left them for four months, they get to decide if they let you back in.” 

John nodded, shuffling past her with an awkward little brush of contact. 

She turned to greet her friends with a relaxed, easy smile. 

***

Sam was pretending John wasn’t there. He had talked and chatted with everyone else there, keeping up with the other kids and even a few of the adult conversations. 

She had almost expected that, Sam was finally settling into the routine here and John coming back into his life would mean…something. She wasn’t sure what that something would be. 

Would John vanish again? 

She hoped not. 

Dean seemed to alternate between hanging on his father’s every word and pretending to be completely invested in what Adam was doing with cubes of Turkey. 

His three year old brother was chattering away with one of the other children at his table, giggling and pushing food at his new friend.

It was a soft, comfortable room. She liked having it. She liked having friends and family gathered around, and John was doing his best to be charming and friendly with everyone in the room.

But it felt out of sync with the rest of her life.

She watched Dean watch his father, and wondered if she had ever been able to lose herself in these moments. She had three boys now, she had a backdoor that was more often darkened by bloody men who had faced the literal scourge of hell to get there, and she had John. Sometimes.

When he wasn’t chasing his own death, when he wasn’t avoiding her.

He looked up then, as though he had read her thoughts, and met her gaze, his friendly smile slipping a little. 

She tilted her head, sipping her water and watching him.

He made a face, pushed his chair back a little and launched back into whatever story he was telling one of the nurses from the hospital. 

“You look pensive.” Jim settled in the empty chair next to her. “Not like a woman holding a party. What weighs on you?” 

She laughed. “I worry about your growing powers of observation sometimes, Jim.”

He smiled. “I would offer a penny, but most often people simply unburden themselves to me. Has he talked to them at all yet?”

She shook her head. “He said hello, we spoke a little. I don’t think he knows what to say.”

Jim gave John a fond look. “He rarely does. Sam is avoiding him?”

“He didn’t even say hello.” She settled her hand on the slight bulge of her belly. “He had the audacity to start to apologize.”

Jim snorted. “For getting you pregnant?”

“Yes. Apologize for all of the trouble he causes me, as if the children are not-“ she trailed off, shaking her head. “He frustrates me.”

Jim smiled at her, touching the back of her hand. “He does that with a great many people. But you still love him, don’t you?”

She closed her eyes. “How much of an idiot do you think that makes me?”

“I do not think it makes you one at all. John is a hard man, you know that. A hard man to work with, a hard man to be friends with, a hard man to love. That you do is a testament to your strength of spirit.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “Though perhaps he does not deserve it, we rarely do from those who chose to love us. For we do not deserve His love, even though He offers it to us freely. But it is by His will that we are able to do anything at all, and so though we are often unable to present the world our best selves, we must give our best attempt.” 

She lifted her hand to tangle her fingers around the chain of her necklace. “I want him to be someone other than who he is.”

Jim nodded. “You want him to heal. That is not a crime, Kate.”

“I feel like it is, Jim. I want him to be the sort of father they deserve.” 

“I know, we all do.” He gave her hand a little squeeze. “Have faith, God places no more trials upon us than we can carry, Kate.” 

“You know most people become Saints because they died.” She retorted dryly. 

Jim laughed. “No. Most people become Saints because they lived, Kate. Death is an end, life is the trial. It is how we live that determines who we are.” 

She sighed, rubbing her face. “I don’t know what to do, Jim.”

“Have faith, let things happen as they should.” He touched her shoulder. “The world was not built in a single day.” 

*** 

John didn’t follow her upstairs when she took Sam and Adam to bed. 

Sam was uneasy, checking the salt lines on his window and door compulsively several times between brushing his teeth and getting into his pajamas. 

“What’s wrong?” She asked, watching as he checked the lines again.

He dropped his arms to his side, ducking his head. “Afraid something followed him again.” He muttered. 

She walked over to him, checking the lines of salt and the blessings that Jim had attached to the window, methodically checking each one. None of the little traps had been triggered, none of the blessings spent. “It looks like nothing has tested them yet tonight.” 

Sam bit his lip, checking under his pillow for the bottle of holy water and the bag of salt. “I just…it’s stupid, but that’s the first thing I thought of.”

She sat down next to him on the bed. “I don’t think it’s stupid at all. Sam, this has been your life since you were a baby. You stayed alive by remembering to check things every night.”

He nodded, twisting his hands on his lap. “I like not worrying about it.” He whispered.

She put her arm around his shoulders, and he leaned very slightly against her side. “I think when we know about the things that are out in the world, we stop being able to forget about it a little.” She gave him a little squeeze. “I don’t think you’re ever going to forget about that, Sam. But I think we learn, a little bit, to set the bad things down. To keep living our lives.”

He was looking down at his hands. “Is that what you do?”

She nodded. “For a lot of things. I’m a trauma nurse, and there’s a reason I’m in Windom and not a bigger city. There are things you see in hospitals that will make you question what little faith you have, and there are other things you see that restore your faith in everyone you see. So we can’t let the bad things control us, we can just stay aware of them, mindful that they are there, careful that we don’t disturb them. But not so careful than we can never be aware of anything else.” 

He closed his eyes. “Are we going to leave?”

“No. Neither of you are.” She kissed the top of his head, rubbing his shoulder. “We’ve got each other in the dark, the four of us. Ok?” 

Sam nodded, putting his arm loosely around her. “Five, soon.”

She smiled, settling her chin on his head. “I’ll get Jim to check the warding, if you want?”

He nodded a little bit, pressing his nose into her shoulder. “Thanksgiving is nice. We do this every year?”

She laughed. “Yep, every year. Just wait until my mother gets her hands on Easter. She will make a ham that you will not believe.” 

Sam giggled. “Food holidays seem pretty neat.” 

“They are. They’re a nice chance to get everyone together.” She stroked his hair. “You’ll get to meet my brother during Christmas, and Bobby says he’s coming.” 

Sam nodded, pulling away from her loose hold. “Sorry, bet you gotta go say goodbye to everyone, and do a huge stack of dishes.”

“Oh, I think I feel my pregnancy crippling me. I might need to leave those for you boys to handle in the morning.” She replied with a laugh, and Sam gave her a little shove. “I’ll send Jim up in a few minutes. Goodnight, Sam.” 

“Night, Kate.” He slithered under the blanket, watching her until she left the room. 

She pulled the door shut, reflexively checking the salt lines on both Adam’s and Sam’s doorways before heading back downstairs. 

Her mother had enlisted Dean for dish duty, and Jim had rolled up his sleeves and was cheerfully helping as well.

“Jim, Sam wants you to check the monster trap in his closet.” She told him airly.

Jim smiled at her. “Getting nervous again? Really, I think a good lock might do him some good.”

She spread her hands. “He’s at that age.”

Dean gave her a slim smile, shaking his head a little bit as he finished loading the dishwasher. 

“You, mister, have another hour and then you need to get to bed as well.” She wagged a finger at him. “Nobody injure themselves, I’m off duty.” 

Her mother snorted. “I can bandage a simple cut if I hurt myself, Kate. You’re so over dramatic. Did I tell you she wanted to be an actress when she was your age?” Her mother said to Dean, who blinked a few times. “Would put on my fur coat and parade around the room, telling her brother he had to take photos of her.”

She snorted. “I think I was five when I did that, mom. Besides, you’re ruining his mental image of me.” She looked around, but most of the guests had left by now. 

“He’s out on the porch. Smoking.” He mother said, disapproval clear in her voice. 

“Thanks. Thank you for helping clean up, Dean.”

He nodded, glancing nervously at the outer door. “No problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I want Dean and Kate to get closer, but I am treating this a lot like older foster kids (I am a foster parent). So there's a lot of....processing for older kids. And for Dean there's a lot of things he has to work through before he will be ready to accept Kate as something more than "This is Kate, Kate is nice I live with Kate."
> 
> Sam being younger and having no maternal presence (except Dean) has a somewhat easier time but it still takes time to build up to things. So yes. I have a lot of feelings. Hope everyone is still enjoying. The next few chapters will probably be a bit slow in the "more emotional work than physical work". Hope everyone is still enjoying.


	13. Hot Tea

John rubbed out the cigarette when she came out, waving his hand to disperse the smoke. “Bad for the baby.”

She nodded, tucking her hands into her coat and sitting on the steps. “Sure is.”

He looked off into the snowfall, staring out at the darkness. “It’s a nice place.” 

She kept her hands in her pockets, watching him. “Jim did good, finding what he knew we’d need. He’s been seeing the boys every week, talking to them. A normal councilor wouldn’t have much knowledge to help them with.” 

John nodded, ripping the cigarette butt into little shreds of paper. “Do you know what it is yet?”

“The baby? No. I want it to be a surprise. I’m due around Easter.” She had the sonogram pictures, had even given one to Bobby, but she hadn’t looked too closely at them. Boy or girl, she knew she would love the baby. She knew her boys would love the baby too. 

John nodded, licking his lips. “Yeah, Bobby said you were. Any trouble with anything testing your wards?”

“Couple of ghouls, but they were taken care of quickly. Most of the nearly local guys keep an eye on things, and Dean’s a good shot.” She dropped her arms to close over her belly. “We’re good.” 

He nodded again, leaning against the window. “You still patching up hunters?”

“Yep. Dean helps me around the clinic.” Dean liked to be helpful, and being in the clinic meant he was doing something. 

He gave her a puzzled look. “He does?”

She scowled. “Don’t think he’s smart enough for it?”

John frowned. “Ain’t what I said, Kate. I just…he’s a soldier, not a healer.”

“Medics are soldiers too, John. He’s twelve, he’s a got a lot of time to decide what he’s going to do with his life.” She shook her head. “He’s a smart, John. He does good in school, he does good with other people.” 

John was quiet, still leaning against the window, staring at her mulishly. “Sam won’t talk to me.”

She snorted. “Sam thinks you’re going to tell him to pack up what’ll fit in his backpack and get in the Impala. He’s doing what any kid would do, pretending the problem isn’t there.”

He looked down. “I was trying to do right by them.”

“Now? Or before? When you were trailing them around behind you and leaving them in random places?”

He sighed, dragging his hand through his hair. “I don’t want to fight, Kate. Bobby said they wanted to see me, so they saw me. I brought gifts for Christmas.”

“So that’s it? One night and you take off again?” She shook her head. “Now you’re going to be the ghost in their life, just showing up and vanishing again.”

John made a face. “I have to keep doing this.”

“Make time for those boys, John.” She told him firmly. “Make time for Dean’s games, and Sam’s science fairs, and Adam’s first day of school. Make time for their birthdays and holidays and let them have you as something other than a drill sergeant who does the transportation.” 

“I can’t.” He looked down. “I’ll say goodbye to Dean, but Sam doesn’t want to talk to me. So I’ll let him have that.” 

She sighed, and stood up, walking back into the house without another word. 

***

Dean didn’t say much about whatever John had taken him outside to talk about. He came back inside on the verge of tears, and had avoided any attempts to reach out to him, shutting himself in his room. 

John had left after depositing a little stack of paper wrapped gifts on the kitchen table. She had moved them to a closet to avoid looking at them.

Her mother had been livid, but she just felt sad. 

Sad for her boys, sad for herself, and even a little sad for John.

He was missing out, and he knew it, but he couldn’t make himself let go enough to rejoin the daytime world.

She was angry at him, sure, but mostly just sad. 

Sam had come downstairs for breakfast, spent a few moments staring out the front window, and had spent the rest of the day in sullen silence. Even Adam’s attempts to get his brother to play with him were met with short, irritated responses. 

Dean had been more obliging, picking his little brother up and carrying him out to play in the fresh snow. But Dean had shut down in his own way, barely picking at his food, staring off into the middle distance. 

Her mom had given her a look before bribing Sam with eating cookies to get him to help her make them. 

It wasn’t even a good band aid, but it clearly got his mind off of his father’s most recent behavior. 

It was the best she could do. 

Next week they would be back to school, tonight she had to work a shift, there was a while life to be worked through without John there. 

So they’d pick themselves back up, they’d figured out how to put the pieces back together again, and they would move on. 

She caught Dean’s eye as he was rolling Adam around on the floor, and offered a faintly smile. “Hey, Dean, what do you think about a dog?”

He blinked, and offered a cautious, tentative smile. “Like a puppy?”

“No, everyone adopts puppies. A proper, full sized dog. A Shepard or a bulldog or something. Think you could handle that?” 

He nodded a little bit. “Bobby has a dog.”

“Yeah?”

He nodded. “Bulldog, he runs a junkyard so he said she let him keep to the stereotype.”

“We can go to the shelter, see who suits us. The yard is already fenced, so no worries there. It’d let us know if people were about.”

Dean nodded again. “Dogs can pick stuff up, see things that humans can’t think. It’s a good idea. They’d know if a shifter was bothering us again. Demons, vampires, all sorts of things that can pass as humans.”

She smiled, nodding encouragingly. “It’d make you feel safer, wouldn’t it?”

Dean gave another, small nod. “Yeah.” 

Adam giggled. “Puppy? Mommy getting puppy.”

“Doggie.” Dean corrected gently, and spelled “dog” on Adam’s arm.

Adam traced the word on Dean’s arm, giggling again. “Doggie.” 

She settled more comfortably into her chair, circling her hand against her stomach, listening to Dean tell Adam about dogs with the air of someone who knew what he was talking about.

***

Her mother had a lot of doubts about the idea of a house dog; Jim had nodded and expressed immediate approval.

She hadn’t asked Bobby about it, she hadn’t asked John about it. She had just picked up the boys after school, after a great deal of planning and gathering up the needed supplies, and drove them out to the shelter.  
It wasn’t a busy day, there was snow on the ground and it was an all around unusual time of the year for anyone to be looking for a dog.

The one worker was in the midst of filling food and water bowls when the drove into the lot, disturbing the unmarked snow. 

He waved as they pulled up. “Hey, Kate. Boys. What’s up?”

“Hey, Phil. The boys and I were wanting to look at the dogs, that alright?” She asked as she stepped out of the car.

He grinned down at Adam as Dean settled him into the snow, holding his hands so they didn’t lose him in a drift. “Looking for someone to keep up with this little guy?”

Adam beamed at him, stretching his hands out. “Dean said big doggie.” 

Phil laughed. “Did he? Well if Dean’s leading this thing, he should lead the way inside. What are you looking for, Sam?” 

She smiled, falling back, watching as Phil coaxed the boys into talking to him about a dog.

Sam was looking down, hands shoved in a pocket.

“A green one!” Adam declared. “So we can find him in the snow.”

Phil chuckled. “Well, I bet you could find a green dog in the snow. Sadly, I just sold my last green dog to a rescue crew. Any other requests? Dean said big, are we talking about a horse sized dog?”

“No, hasta go on the beds. And give kisses.” Adam told him solemnly. “Too big can’t go up the stairs.” 

“What about you, Sam?” Phil was pushing his way into the doors, stomping his feet as they stepped inside. “We’ve got all sorts of dogs here, except green dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, slobbery dogs, silly dogs.”

“Soft, maybe?” Sam suggested, looking around the waiting area. 

“A soft, big dog, that gives kisses.” Phil tapped his chin. “I think I have a dog that fits that. A couple of them. Want to go meet them, boys?” He gave her a wink and a smile. 

Sam nodded quickly, Dean picked up Adam, carrying his little brother down the little aisle between the cages. 

Phil knew the dogs he had, and he was quick to lead the more likely candidates out of their kennels for the boys to meet. 

Sam was aloof at first, but eventually was getting down on the ground with them, tossing balls down the isle and peering into the kennels at the dogs that hadn’t been brought out to meet them.

Adam was knocked over three times by an over exuberant pooch, and Dean finally decided on a massive cross between a dog and a dump truck as his chosen. Maggie seemed to have a sweet personality, patiently letting Adam dangle off her neck, and lapping at Sam’s hands when he offered her a treat. 

“She’s really nice.” She commented, when Dean brought the dog over to her for approval.

“Nurse dogs.” Phil scratched Maggie’s chin. “She’ll be nice to the boys, and to you, Kate, and whoever you tell her is meant to be on the house. She and her sister were dropped off at the shelter a month or so ago. St. Bernard and pit mix, near as we can figure. Sweet personality, good temperament.”

She nodded, offering Maggie her hand. “Alright. Do you think she’ll fit in the car?”

“Yeah, she’ll be fine. Dean’ll have to ride up front. Let’s fill out some paperwork and she’s all yours.”

Dean took the leash, and the dog fell into step behind him.

A hair rising howl started up from behind them, and like a shot Sam was standing next to the cage, unfastening the lock and letting another dog out. 

“Molly.” Phil said with a little sigh as the identical dog bowled into the one they had chosen.

Sam was looking at her with wide eyes as she pushed her head into Maggie’s chest, and then into Dean’s hands, slinking down to her stomach and whimpering.

“We can’t leave her, Kate.” Sam said, sounding horrified. 

Dean turned his panicked gaze to her, and Adam decided the whole thing, flopping down on Molly’s shoulder with a little coo. 

“I guess they’re both coming home with us.” She said with a little laugh. 

***

She had set up one of the sheds as a dog house, but she doubted seeing the boys with the dogs that they’d ever sleep there. 

Maggie was following Adam around, and Molly had flopped down on the floor and was currently allowing Sam to use her as a backrest while he read. 

They looked happier than they had in weeks. 

She sipped at her tea, listening to Adam and Dean chase Maggie around the house, getting her a better idea of the lay of the land. 

Sam was reading to Molly, she thought, from what little she could overhear it sounded like Latin.

“You’re a sap.” Her mother told her fondly, sinking into the chair next to her. “Boys and dogs, huh?”

“John and I had an argument about it once. About how I wanted to give them backyards and dogs and all the trappings of a normal life. I think it will be good for them, though two was not what I had planned.” She smiled, watching Sam with the lump of a dog on the floor. 

Her mom took her hand, rubbing her knuckles. “I am proud of you, Katie girl. What you’re doing with those boys is amazing. Most people wouldn’t have the courage.” 

“I don’t think it takes courage, mom. They’re good boys.” She shook her head a little. “They just need somewhere to grow.” 

“Well, you’re giving them that.” Her mom gave her hand a squeeze. “I’m glad they have you.”

She smiled. “I’m lucky to have them, I think. When it all shakes out, I think that’s what I will remember the most.” 

Her mom didn’t know the half of what she had gotten herself involved in, but that was ok. 

She needed to look after these boys, to give them a safe place to grow up so that they could be effective hunters when they grew up, if that path was the one they wanted. She would fight John until her last breath on that if she needed.


	14. Peppermint

Night shifts were rare are her pregnancy got closer to its end, and while Cottonwood count was a smaller county, they had the biggest hospital for miles. No matter how much her fellows tried to fill in for her, it was inevitable that eventually she would end up in the hospital for the night shift. 

She checked her chart before she stepped into the room. “Heart palpitations, Mr. Luther? Let’s have listen.” 

The younger man sat up in his bed, giving her a once over. “Yes, ma’am. I’d be much obliged for your help.” 

She gave him a little smile, coming to his side to press her stethoscope to his chest. But there was nothing.

She frowned, shifting her stethoscope to try to find his pulse, and then moved her hand to his neck, seeking a pulse. 

“You won’t find one.” He said, his tone conversational, he took her hand, tracing her veins with cold fingers. “You’re not a screamer, are you?”

She took a deep breath, trying to force herself to calm down. “No. I’m not.” 

He smiled. “That’s a tragedy, but being a hunter’s mate has to give you nerves of steel.”

She swallowed, and made an aborted attempt to withdraw her hand. “What do you want?”

“I want a lot of things.” His voice was still calm, conversational. “I want hunters to stop bothering my nest, I want a few tasty virgins to defile and turn, and I want a little bit of blood sport for my children.” He pressed a kiss to her wrist, long teeth sliding from his gums to graze against her skin. “A lot of things, you see. I want that baby in your belly, because it could be the bargaining chip I need. But I won’t rip it out. I want a thousand years of darkness.” 

“That’s very nice for you.” She said, somehow able to talk through her panic. “I’m afraid I can’t help you with any of that. I’m obviously not a virgin, and my child is not due for three months. And I’m not a hunter myself.” 

“I know. But you know most of the ones in this area.” He rolled her hand between his, smiling up at her. “So, I’m sure you will pass on a message. John Winchester’s sons go to school; they are not always on your land. And I am old, patient, and entirely willing to wait until your guard drops. Should I have the youngest one for my nest, or do you think the eldest would be better suited to my lifestyle?”

She shook her head. “None of them.” 

“Then tell the hunters to leave us be. A few people, some lost hikers, that’s all we ask for. Deal, Kate?” He smirked. “I like that name, Kate. One of my favorite people is Kate.” He stood up in a fluid motion, still holding her hand tightly, preventing her from pulling away. 

“I’m happy for you.” He gave her hand a little pat in response.

“This is quickly becoming a hunter town, and while I am not opposed to moving my nest, I do not want young hunters who are trying to make a name for themselves seeking out my nest.” He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing each of her fingers. “Be a good little girl, Kate, and tell your hunter friends my message.”

She nodded, obedient, and he finally let her go.

He patted her cheek. “Give my regards to John.” 

She jerked her head in a small nod, holding her hand to her chest and watching as the man sauntered out of the room.

She stayed there, trying to collect her wits, until Delly came looking for her.

She wasn’t even sure how to explain something- a vampire? - walking into her workplace, and so she waved it off, mentioning that she had a small hot flash. “He was doing better by the time I made it in here, no more issues. I think he was just looking for a fix. I think I knew his face.”

Delly frowned at her slightly. “Ok, Kate. You tell me if you have another or if you need to sit down.” 

She smiled, and let Delly fuss, her mind still racing. Vampires were real, there was one in her work, and that one had issued a threat to take one of her boys. 

She had known that something would come to find them eventually; she just hadn’t expected them to come at her when she was at work. 

What killed vampires? They needed to drink blood, didn’t they? Was that why the guy had played with her hands?

“Kate? Kate? Earth to Kate, do you need to go home?” Delly rubbed her shoulders, pushing water into her hands. “Is tiny really bothering you that much?”

She grimaced. “Yeah, a little. I might go early, sorry Delly.” 

Delly shook her head. “We’ll take care of it, Kate. I told Shan she shouldn’t schedule you for overnights until the baby is here. I remember how you were with Adam.” Delly all but shuffled her into her coat and out the door, insisting on sitting with her until her car was warm and she was able to drive off. 

Luther was watching her from a street light near her house, a small smile on his face. 

***

Two shaken calls to Jim, and one to Bobby had not at all settled her nerves about the encounter with the vampire. They had both confirmed that it was a vampire, and Bobby had uttered an entire sentence made up of curses when she said the name of the one that had threatened her, told her to lock the doors and check the boys, and had abruptly hung up the phone. 

Jim had promised to be there as soon as he could, and Anne had accepted her dismissal as a babysitter. 

Could vampires cross salt lines? Would any of their protections even hold against vampires? 

Maggie looked up at her from Dean’s bed the second time she passed back, eyes catching the light of the hall. 

Molly didn’t stir; Sam snuggled into the middle of her furry mass. 

She picked up Adam from his bed, putting him in bed with Dean, and resumed pacing, looking out into the backyard to see if anything had disturbed the snow since she’d gotten home. 

The baby turned in her stomach, twisting to press against her spine. 

She rubbed at her belly, trying to settle her nerves. “I’m being stupid.” She whispered. 

“About what?” Dean’s sleepy voice asked from the doorway, he had a blanket draped around his shoulders, and only one sock still on his foot.

“Sorry, did I wake you up when I took Adam in there?” 

He shook his head, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulders. “Left Maggie with him, wassmatter?” He yawned, shaking his head to clear it. “You’re home early? Someone get hurt?”

Not yet, she almost answered. “Someone came into the ER tonight. I’m waiting for Jim to get here.”

Dean blinked at her, cracked his jaw in another yawn. “Demon? Shifter? Ghouls again?”

“Vampires.”

Dean blinked, and clearly had nothing to say in response. “Huh.”

“Weren’t expecting that one?” She smiled a bit in spite of her nerves. 

“Naw. Dad said they were extinct.” He flopped down into a chair. “What’d we do to get a vampire on our tail?”

She sat down across from him, rubbing her arms. “I don’t know. What does anyone do to end up in this situation?”

Dean twisted his mouth into a little, wry smile. “Have a baby with a hunter? I guess. I don’t even know how to kill a vampire. Maybe a bath of holy water? Did he hurt you?”

She shook her head. “Just wanted me to tell the hunters to back off. Charming, really. Strong, fast, liked his threats.”

Dean snorted. “Most of em like to run their mouths. Can’t ever tell if that means they’re overconfident or just confident. Jim on his way?”

She nodded. “I think I woke Bobby up, too.” 

Dean nodded, playing with the fringe on his blanket. “Think dad will come?” 

She sighed. “I wish I knew what your father would do, Dean.” 

Dean kept his eyes down. “Yeah, me too.” 

She reached out and took his hand, giving it a little squeeze. “I’m glad you’re on my side, even if he doesn’t. Ok?”

He nodded, giving her a weak smile. “We’ll figure it out, us and Jim and Bobby.”

She nodded. “I wouldn’t bet against us.” 

“Me neither, most of the locals would do what they could too.” He took a deep, shaky breath. “When’s Jim coming?”

“It’s not that far to Blue Earth, when I talked to him he made it sound like he was leaving right away.” She sat back, wrapping her arms around her belly. “Maybe another half an hour?”

Dean nodded. “I’ll get a pot of coffee started then.” He gave her belly a look. “If tiny will put up with it?”

“Morning sickness is gone, we’re safely in the third trimester now.” She patted her stomach. “No more scent triggers, thank god.” 

Dean gave her another little smile, and went into the kitchen to get coffee started. 

She let her smile fade, rubbing slow circles against her stomach, watching the back door. 

***

 

Her dining room looked like Lucy's bar. 

She started another pot of coffee, washing out a few mugs for any newcomers. There was a steady stream of them, coming in and out. 

"Bit overwhelming, isn't it?" Bobby asked quietly. 

"A bit, but the boys are having fun." She laughed a little. "Tell the truth, most of them have been here before. Just not all at once." 

He nodded, leaning against the counter next to her. "You alright?"

"I've been better." She looked down at the mugs.

"Bill's in town." He observed. "Saw him at the hospital earlier."

She furrowed her brow. "A bit far from the roadhouse."

"Yeah." Bobby kept his arms crossed. "He's been hunting a bit further afield, now that Jo's a bit older and Ellen's in a safe place." 

He was trying to tell her something without telling her something, she finished drying the mugs out, watching the gathering in the reflection of the window."Who's he hunting with?"

Bobby sighed. 

She scowled. "You think he's in town and not bothering to come by?"

"I think it fits his most recent pattern. The baby'll be here in a month or two. He missed Dean's birthday already, he missed Christmas. But if you're in danger, he shows up."

She glanced over her shoulder, watching Dean snag a few empty plates from the table and bring them into the kitchen. "Don't tell him." 

Bobby nodded, falling silent as Dean put the dishes in the sink.

"We eaten out of house and home yet?" She asked him with a smile.

"Nah, most of them are bringing their own coffee cake. I told Jim we'd need more coffee soon." He slouched against the counter, watching his brother's interact with the men at the table. "They think they've got a pretty good chance. Also, it's beheading."

She snorted. "You asked someone?"

He nodded. "They don't attack in the daytime, holy stuff doesn't work, but if you can get their heads off you got them. They'll heal from most other things."

Bobby laughed. "Coulda told you that, Dean. John didn't?"

Dean shook his head. "Said they were extinct and that I was stupid for asking when I did." He shrugged a bit. "I like to know how to kill something that might be after my family." 

Bobby nodded. "Got an axe? Something with a good edge?"

Dean shook his head. "Gonna see if one of the guys has one I can have. They're fast, too, Kate, and stronger than a normal human. Jim says we have sun lamps at the doors, but they can jump pretty high too." 

"So avoiding a fight is probably our better bet, at least if they come here?" She asked. 

Dean nodded slightly, looking down at his feet. "I just want to have a backup plan, you know?"

She nodded. "I think it's a good plan, Dean. Just don't go out alone, ok?"

He gave her a wry look. "I know. I won't." 

She gave his shoulder a squeeze. "Go see if anyone needs a refill?" 

He nodded, glancing at Bobby, and walked back into the dining area.

"If he sees Bill, he's gonna know." Bobby said quietly.

"You think Bill will come here?" She asked, just as quiet.

"Probably, he's a smart man. He'll want to know what everyone else is planning." Bobby sighed, glancing at the door as though waiting for trouble to arrive. "There's a few others that we need to worry about a bit. Some hunters are so deep into it they can't see anything else, and I'd suggest keeping a few of the bigger guys here."

"You think the hunters might be a threat?"

Bobby looked at her. "I think there's a few who might think those boys might make good bait, and they won't care if they survive the experience."

She stared at him, looking at the dining room. "Who?"

"None of the ones that are here now, but Jim gave a general call flagged Vampire. Those that are focused on hunting them to nothing won't care about the collateral." He blew out a deep, uncertain breath. "Just keep your eyes open, ok? Look to Jim or me if someone you don't know shows up."

She nodded, and turned back to scrubbing the dishes.

***

The men who had been in and out during the day came back in full force as night got closer. She caught sight of Bill Harvelle in the middle of it, chatting with a few of the guys.  
From what Bobby has said, he was typically a bit of a lone wolf. But over the past few months, he and John had been a pretty solid team. It was odd for both of them, and neither had been willing to offer an explanation as to what they were up to.

Dean knew, she could tell from the way he had tensed up when Bill had entered the house, and the way he had turned to bury his hands in Maggie’s scruff, leaning into the dog. 

She couldn’t tell if Sam knew or not, the boy seemed oblivious to Bill’s entrance and any greater meaning to it, he was currently beating Bobby soundly on some Nintendo game. Some racing thing he and Dean had been over the moon about.

She watched as he circled the room, talking to the men and getting the lay of the land, sipping her tea and surveying the room from her corner. She wagered he would eventually make his way to her, so trying to chase him around would only make her tired. 

“So, you’re Kate.” He said, leveling her with his most charming smile as he wandered over. 

She gave him a long, thoughtful look. “And you must be Bill.” She replied after a moment, settling back. “Where is he?”

Bill’s smile slipped for a fraction of a second. “Who?”

She gave him the look she most often leveled the first year med students with. “Don’t bullshit me, Bill. Even if Bobby didn’t tell me that you’d been running with John, I know he’s not going to stay out of town when he thinks we might be in danger, I also know he’s not man enough to come talk to me himself. So where is he? Please tell me you at least have a secure camp and he’s not trying to talk to them himself.”

Bill snorted. “John doesn’t much like Vampires, so no, he’s not trying to talk to them, and yes our camp is pretty safe.” 

“Good, at least he won’t get his fool self killed.” She leaned back, letting him get a good look at her. “So if I had to guess, you’re here to report back on our condition and get the lay of the current plan?”

“That about rounds it out.” Bill said, no longer smiling. 

“Good, glad we’re on the same page. So Bobby can get you caught up on the plan, the vampire wanted to talk and wanted exactly what’s happening right now to not happen. We’re all fine here, and John doesn’t need to concern himself with us.” 

Bill nodded. “Understood, I will pass it along. How’s the baby?”

She patted her stomach. “Still pregnant. No early warning signs of a demonic pregnancy, not even ready to go on maternity leave yet.” 

Bill gave another small nod. “Thanks for the information, that will settle his nerves some.”

“Tell him if he wants to come up to the house, the boys would like to see him.” She told him, narrowing her eyes. “But I doubt he will.”

Bill snorted. “I’ll pass it along.” 

She leaned forward, picking up her teacup, and after a moment Bill wondered way again. 

***

 

She woke, mind drowsy with the drugs they had given her during her labor, and stared for a moment to her left, not really looking at anything, not really seeing anything.

John was standing over Adam's crib, holding her newborn son in his arms. An unfamiliar man stood next to him, studying the infant as well. "What do you think, my lord? Will he suffice?"

John adjusted his hold on the infant, studying the baby with critical eyes. "If the other proves unworthy, then yes. Yes, he will suffice. You have done well, Zachariah."

She furrowed her brow, confused. "John?"

The unfamiliar man turned to her, sighing softly. "I apologize, the woman appears to be awake."

John walked to her bedside, their son cradled in his arm, sleeping serenely. "Hello, Katherine." He smiled gently. "Fear not, you will not be harmed. Nor will your son or this man."

She drew black, reflexive. "Who are you?"

The man - Zachariah- made a faintly offended noise, but John waved him away with a dismissive flick of his wrist. "Katherine, I must ask something very important of you."

"What have you done with John? Who are? Give me my son." She tried to sit up, and found that she couldn't. Her body was stuck against the bed. 

The man smiled, using John's face for an expression that didn't fit it. "Declare your son for Michael."

What she wanted to say was "no", but what came out was a wooden, calm repetition. "I declare my son under the protection of the Archangel Michael, beloved of our Father. " She drew a breath, struggling to shout at him, to withdraw the promise. But further words came from her lips, remembered from her Catholic school days.

"St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly hosts, by the power of God, thrust into hell Satan, and all the evil spirits, who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen." It was her voice, echoing back in her ears like a thunderclap, but they were not her words. She fought them, struggled against the pressure holding her down, but it was useless. 

He smiled, patting her gently, and placed her son next to her on the bed. "I accept your prayers, and promise to watch offer this most precious life." He stroked her cheek. "Sleep now, Katherine, forget what you have seen."

She tried to struggle, tried to fight, but doing so only made the sleep fall heavier upon her. 

She woke from the dream with a cry, a shouted "NO" that caused Dean to charge into the room, his eyes wide with panic and a gun in his hand.

"Kate? Kate?" He swept the room, quickly checking the windows, double checking the salt lines while she sobbed on the bed. 

She couldn't control the sobs; they shook through her, making her belly heave with every gasping breath she managed to draw. 

Dean sat the gun down, seizing her hands in his and making soothing, uncertain noises in the back of his throat.

One of the hunters appeared in the doorway, concern darkening his features. "Nightmare?"

Dean nodded, distracted for a moment, but giving her hands another solid squeeze. 

"Shit. Sorry, Kate. Get her calmed down, kid. I'll send Jim up."

Dean nodded, patting her shoulder awkward. "Shhh, it's alright. Nothing's here, we're all safe. Shhh." 

"Don't." She whimpered. "Don't, Dean, just don't."

He gave her a confused look, clearly not understanding. 

She didn't feel like she was making any sense either, but she had to say the words. "Don't let them make you give them what they want, Dean."

He looked around, confused. "Who?"

"Promise me, Dean. Don't let them make you give them what they want, you or Sammy or Adam. Just don't." The words were raspy, and strangled, and didn't feel like her own. They came from some other place, some other person; someone who knew something that drove them. 

He shook his head a little. "Ok, I promise." 

The panic that had seized her eased, she folded over her stomach with renewed sobbing, arms tight around her belly. 

Dean kept awkwardly patting her shoulder, circling his hand cautiously against her back, brushing tentative fingers through her hair until the odd grief had faded.

She wiped at her face, and he handed her a tissue. "Sorry for falling apart."

"I think most people fall apart a lot sooner than this." He gave her a tentative smile. "Dad tossed a lot at you all at once. Who's gonna try and get us?"

She shook her head. "I don't remember. Just that I woke up thinking they couldn't have you. None of my boys." She gave his hand a squeeze. 

He stared at her for a moment, then smiled a little bit and gave her a small hug. "Thanks, Kate." 

She pressed a kiss to his forehead. "You're you, Dean. Ok? Nobody gets to use you. You get to decide who you are and what that person is going to do. Nobody else."

He nodded a bit. "Ok. That sounds like a pretty awful nightmare." 

She rubbed her face. "I just remember thinking your father's face was all wrong."

"Something else wearing him?" Dean asked, curious.

She shook her head. "It's already fading. I remember praying, and I remember not being able to move, and your father's face was wrong." 

"I have nightmares like that sometimes. About demons taking Sammy or Dad, or you or Adam, and then I gotta put you down." He took her hand gently. "I don't think- I won't let anything use me, Kate. Or Adam or Sammy, or you, or the baby."

"And I promise the same. I won't let anything take you or Sammy, or Adam or Winchester number four." She patted her belly. "No matter what happens, you kids are going to be safe." 

He hugged her then, silent, pressing his face into her shoulder.

She held him, closing her eyes tightly and sending a silent prayer to whoever might be listening.

Not her boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did it ever strike anyone else as odd that Michael had a spare vessel or two knocking around, but anyone Sam even so much as got his sexy groove thing on dropped dead?
> 
> Me too. For someone who swears to be on the up and up, Michael was a sneaky fucker. 
> 
> Also I am enjoying getting to play with John's hunting bros. They're largely fun characters who were brought into canon to die.


	15. Stew

Nobody seemed surprised by the lack of vampires the first night. In fact, most seemed almost gleeful about it.

She got the boys ready for school on auto pilot, leaving Adam in Bobby's care so that she could drive them to the building. 

"Kate?" Sam said, just as they pulled up to the building. 

"Hm?" She peered at him in the rear view mirror; Sam's face was thoughtful, gaze on the snowy expanse of Windom outside his window.

"Dad's in town, isn't he?"

Dean grimaced, hand tightening on his seat belt.

"Probably, Sam." She responded. "I don't know if he'll come by."

Sam nodded, playing idly with the lock on his door. "Ok." 

"Remember, stay inside and only go with Bobby or me."

He flashed her a little smile, grabbed his backpack and slipped out of the car, meeting up with a few of his friends and running inside. 

She waited until he had made it into the school, and then put the car in drive again, pulling away from the door to Sam's school. "You going to be ok?" She asked Dean, quiet. "You can stay home today if you need to."

Dean shook his head. "I'd just be pacing and irritating everyone. School gives me something to think about. Something else, I guess." He gave her his best, tired smile. 

"It's not always going to be like this, you know?" She told him quietly. 

He looked down at his hands. "It's always been like this, Kate. Always something else hunting us cause Dad's a hunter. I don't think that's ever going to stop, even if he." His voice broke a little, lower lip trembling for a second before he soldiered on. "Even if he dies, it's always going to be like this. Everything he's done, all the things he's killed, when there's no way to get at him, they'll come at us."

She sighed, staring ahead. "If all we do is worry about the future, Dean, we'll forget to live." She glanced at her step son, at the way he was holding himself, and offered a hand.

After a moment, he took it.

"You have seen more than most people will in their entire lives, Dean. You've been so brave, braver than I think you should have had to be."

He looked away, staring out the window.

Brave little soldier, she thought. Brave, kind, strong little soldier. He didn't know how to be anything else. 

"Sometimes I think about it, him dying. How I'm supposed to handle that, what I'm supposed to do. How I tell Sam." Dean said quietly. "We've buried hunters before. People that were his friends. And I think "Am I supposed to do that?" when it's dad." His voice was a little choked. "Am I supposed to call Bobby? Or am I just supposed to burn him?"

She squeezed his hand tightly, but didn't interrupt him.

"I think about it even when we're with you. I think about his face going wrong and his eyes going black. I think about him being out there, turned into something, and I'm supposed to be there to put him down. That's my job." A tear escaped the tightly held control, and he rubbed it from his face with his other hand, roughly leaving a red mark beneath his eye. "And I think "I don't want him to come back" at the same time I am praying that he does, because I know this can't go on forever, and he needs me, and I can't...I can't have this."

She stopped the car by the side of the road, turning to face him. 

Dean was staring straight ahead, his face twisted into a mask of misery. "I want it for Sammy, for Adam, for the baby. I want them to have you, and this. I want them to never have to be afraid of what's in the dark, cause they know someone's going to take care of it. They know I'm out there, taking care of it so they don't have to." 

He looked at her, then, eyes full of tears. "But I don't wanna go." 

She leaned across the gear shift, wrapping her arms around him, holding him tightly in her arms. 

His tightly held control broke a little, then, she felt the dampness on her shoulder as her little soldier cried. But he didn't sob, he didn't make a spectacle out of it. 

She rubbed his back, holding him tightly in her arms until he was done. 

There wasn't really anything she could say to take his pain away, and she could have cursed John to hell a thousand times for putting Dean in this position.

He was thirteen, and not ready for anything that John had piled on his shoulders. 

He pulled away at last, mopping his face and his nose with the back of his jacket sleeve. 

"Gross." She said, reflexive. "Use a tissue for your nose, you don't need snot on your sleeve."

He laughed, a little, but took the tissue when she offered it. "Is my makeup running?"

She snorted, taking his face in her hands and looking it over critically with exaggerated seriousness. "I think your mascara might be a lost cause, buddy. But your have naturally lovely eyelashes, so you should be fine." 

He ducked his head and she let him go. "Thanks, Kate."

"Hey, I cried on your last night. So we're square, ok?" She patted his shoulder. "We're a team, Dean. You can fall apart on me any time. Everyone gets to, like you said. Surprised it hasn't hit you sooner than this, with all your dad has thrown at you."

He gave her a confused look for a moment, and then tentatively smiled. "Thanks."

"John's not the ultimate authority on anything, ok, Dean? You've got me, and Bobby, and Jim and Caleb, and grandma. Lots of people pulling for you and willing to help you shoulder things. You don't have to go this alone, that's your dad's mistake."

He nodded, shredding the tissue with his fingers. "I just feel like I'm betraying him."

"Well, you're not." She said, firm. "He's an adult, and he's making his choice. So you do you in the best way you can, you be a big brother to Sammy and Adam, you do good at school. There are lots of people proud of you, mister." 

He gave her a little, weak smile. "You're proud of me?"

"Only when you remember that laundry goes in the basket." She teased. 

The smile brightened a little bit. "You don't even remember that all of the time." 

"That's because I can't always see the floor." She patted her stomach with exaggerated care. "Trust me; the house will be much cleaner when I can put this ten pound weight in a crib." 

Dean laughed, shaking his head a little bit. "You're weird, Kate."

"Well, I wouldn't fit very well in this family if I weren't, would I?" She pointed out dryly. 

Dean snickered, looking at his lap. "No, guess not. I'm going to be late."

She glanced at the clock. "Yeah, you are. I'll sign you in."

He nodded, tossing the shredded remains of the wet tissue in the trash bag.

"And I mean it, ok? If you need me or Bobby to come get you or if the nerves get too bad, you just call. I'll come get you and Sammy both." 

He nodded, grimacing. "Thanks, Kate." 

***  
She pulled into the drive, turned off the car and just sat for a few moments, head bowed. 

Going back inside meant facing the hunters and whatever would come for them next, but right here in this moment she had a few moments to herself, isolated and drawn internally.

"Please keep them safe." She whispered, head still bowed. "Please just keep them safe. Whoever is listening, just keep my boys safe." She rubbed her stomach, feeling the faint flutters of movement beneath her hand, but she could think of nothing else to request. As long as her children were safe, there was nothing else in the world she wanted. Everything else seemed so small, petty and narrow. All she wanted was them to be safe and free.

She let the words linger in the car for a few moments, and then quietly whispered "Amen" before she reached for the door, picking up her purse. 

One of the hunters had shoveled the drive way, and a path around the house. It was a cold, grey morning in a series of grey, cold days. She scanned the cars, checking for anything new. The Impala was parked at the end of the row. She sighed softly, pulling her purse closer to her body and climbing the stairs. 

It figured. 

But while what she had been expecting was not what she wanted, it also wasn't what she got. John was leaning against the kitchen table, Bill, Jim and Caleb sitting behind him. Bobby was a bit further back, holding Adam, his face set into a scowl.

And someone she didn't know looked like he was about to attack John. "Look, it wants the woman, so lets let it think it has her! We get in, we save her, vampire bonfire! It's our best bet of luring them out of hiding!" 

She came to a stop behind Bobby, raising her eyebrow in question. Bobby shook his head slightly, and made a small motion of his hand for her to stay where she was and stay quiet.

"That's not an acceptable risk. You're not risking Kate or my boys on your mad hunt. They want to be left alone in return for leaving what's mine alone, and I'm inclined to let them." John's face was set into a scowl, hand resting on his sidearm. 

Caleb shifted slightly, giving her a little nod. 

The unfamiliar man gestured wildly at her. "Come on, you can't take the word of a pregnant civie and a vamp. You know how they are, Winchester." 

"I know how they are. And I know they'll draw back and wait for you to finish throwing your tantrum, and then they'll kill who they said they kill. Hunt them another day." John responded. "Out, Gordon. Don't you come darkening my door again."

The man laughed. "You don't even live here, Winchester. Your woman kicked you out." He smirked at her. "What do you say, Kate, want to deal with this problem for good? Or wait for it to snatch one of the boys."

Slowly, she walked to John's side, resting her hand on his elbow. "I'm inclined to trust John's judgment when it comes to hunts. I don't know your face, or anything about you. So there's not a lot of trust here." 

John gave her a little nod, covering her fingers briefly and giving them a squeeze. "You heard the lady. Access denied. If I catch you around these parts again I'll put a bullet between your eyes soon as look at you, got it?"

Gordon laughed again, looking at Adam. She tensed, narrowing her eyes. 

"Easy, mama." Bill murmured behind her. 

"We're not bait." She said firmly. 

"He won't use you in a controlled way." Gordon told her. "That doesn't mean you aren't. You and everyone here." He turned and stomped out the door, leaving the room quiet for several beats. 

"You shoot him if he comes around here again, if he's dying hurry him along." John told her seriously. 

She watched the man rip open the door of his pickup and jump inside. "Understood. Is he crazy?"

"Yeah." Bill said with a small snort behind her. "Pretty damn crazy, yeah." 

She kept her hand on John's arm. "So crazy people and vampires will get you out of exile."

John grimaced at her. "Can Bobby keep an eye on Adam so we can talk privately?"

She blew out a little sigh, glancing to Bobby with a questioning tilt of her head. 

Bobby shrugged. "Hell, I don't care. He's easy enough to look after. You kids go chat about whatever." 

She rolled her eyes with a little shake of her head. "We're barely younger than you are, Singer. Thanks."

He shrugged, giving the door another long look. "You gonna follow him out of town, Caleb? Don't trust him when the boys are at that school."

Caleb pushed up, going for his jacket. "Coming, Jim?"

"Sure." Jim gave her a smile, and followed the man out the door.

"Well, now we're well and properly diminished. Adam'll help me keep Bill in line." Bobby offered. 

John nodded slightly, taking her hand in his and leading her upstairs. "I sent most of the men away."

"I figured. There were a lot less cars outside." She settled her other arm around her stomach, settling on the bed while John closed the door. "Sam doesn't think you'll come around."

He sat in a chair, not on the bed next to her. "Gordon is crazy, and he doesn't respect most of the normal curtsies most do on hunts. Couldn't leave you to face him alone." John said quietly, looking at the floor.

"So is this how it's going to be?" She asked him quietly, watching him. "You show up when we're in trouble, our knight in well worn denim, and vanish into the sunset as soon as that's cleared up?"

"I don't know, Kate. I've never been good at this stuff." He lifted his hands up to rub his face. "I can't....I can't give up the hunt, anymore than Bill can for Ellen and Jo. This is what I gotta do."

She sighed softly. "You think we're any safer because you don't bunk here, John?"

He shrugged. "Dean's a good shot. Jim's close, Bobby too. There's worse places you could be."

"There's a lot worse places, like Dean wondering if today he's going to have to find you and put you down because you got turned by some critter. Sometimes not knowing is worse than patching you up, John." She shook her head. "Those boys need you."

He scuffed the toe of his boot against the floor. "I miss them. I miss you."

"Then come home. Even if you're still hunting, Bill goes home. He sees his family." She told him, firm. "Give them something better, give them a father who's around for them." 

"I don't know how to be that, Kate." He said quietly, dropping his hand to his side.

"Anything is better than not trying at all." She shook her head at him. "You haven't been Dean's father since he was four years old, John. You know that. You've let Dean be mother and father both to Sam. So start trying, come home. Chase the hunt, that's fine. Find it, purge you conscious about what killed Mary, and have something to live with afterwards."

He finally lifted his head, looking at her. "I don't think I'm going to survive this." His voice was tired. "Maybe I'll get it, maybe I won't, but I...don't think there will be anything after it except death."

She studied him, silent, mulling that over. "Well, there's two choices then. Either you can accept that it might be a consequence, and live your life in the best way possible. Or you can accept it and run towards it as the only possible outcome."

He stared at her. "That's it?"

"Everyone dies, John." She told him solemnly. "Eventually, we're all going to die. I want those boys to remember me as someone who was there when they needed me, someone who helped them when they needed help, and let them try. What do you want them to remember you as?"

He walked slowly to her, sinking to his knees by the bed, and lay his head on her knees.

She touched the top of his head, then stroked her hand gently over the back of his neck. It was silent for a long while after that.

***

She left John at the house to pick up the boys. She honestly wasn't sure, even after they had spent hours talking, if he would be there when she got back.

John was the prime example of a flight risk. 

Even on her most generous days, it was frustrating. She wasn't feeling particularly generous today. 

Dean was waiting next to Sam when she pulled up, pulling the back door open so his brother could scramble inside before climbing in the front. 

"Your dad stopped by." She told Dean without ceremony. "I don't know if he'll still be there when we get back."

Dean frowned, glancing at Sam in the mirror, but nodded and buckled his seat belt. 

Sam was as silent as a ghost in the back of the car, not speaking the entire ride home. It was unusual for Sam, he loved school, he loved talking about whatever unit they were working on at school.

The Impala was still in the driveway when she pulled in. She stopped the car, but didn't turn it off, looking up at the house and giving the boys a few moments to gather themselves. 

Sam barely waited for the car to stop before he reached for his door handle, which meant Dean was a second behind him. She sighed, turned off the car, and walked inside just in time to hear Sam's door slam with a thunderous crash, and Molly start to howl.

The door opened, Molly stopped, and the door slammed again once the dog was safely inside.

John was sitting at the table, cards in his hands, looking at the staircase with an obviously floored expression on his face. Dean was frozen in the doorway, shoulders tensed and breathing slightly erratic. 

"That dog howls like a freaking hellhound." John finally said.

"She does that when Sam shuts her out, makes her hard to ignore." She offered, putting her hand on Dean's back and rubbing a gentle circle there.

John looked to Dean. "You wanna go talk to him? I ain't here to cause trouble."

Dean swallowed beneath her touch, she felt the movement, and jerked his head in a shaky nod. "I'll go get him."

"You go talk to Sam, John." She interrupted, firm. "Dean needs to do his homework. IF Sam wants to talk with you, Sam'll do so." She kept her hand on Dean's shoulder, guiding him towards the kitchen. Maggie joined them, whining and nuzzling her head under Dean's hand until he rubbed her ears. 

John stared at her, face confused. 

Bill coughed and lay his cards down. "Damn, it's getting late. I said I'd call Ellen. Mind if I use your phone, Kate?"

She shook her head and pointed to the counter. "There's a wireless in there, grab it and find yourself a corner. Tell Ellen I said hello." She pushed Dean gently into one of the chairs by the kitchen counter, and started getting things down for dinner. "Got a pie in the oven, Dean. Stew tonight."

He managed a weak smile, hauling school books out of his backpack. "Ice cream?"

"Bobby'll get some when he goes to the store. We ate the last of it with the whole army here." She offered, watching John over his shoulder without stopping what she was doing. "Think Sam'll approve?"

"Sam likes food." Dean responded, flopping open his math book. "Pre-Alg again."

"Yuck. What are we working on?" She settled into helping him with his math, working on dinner around him, carrying on an easy dialogue with the kid as she did so.

John stared at them, still standing by the table, completely flummoxed by now. 

"Sam'll calm down more the longer you leave him." She offered, finally, and John gave an uneasy nod, sinking back down into the chair. "That doesn't mean you can leave him till dinner, but you got some time before he starts to wonder if anyone's coming after him."

Dean stiffened a little, biting his lower lip, shoulders tight and fingers white around the pencil. But she saw him breathe and force himself to relax, letting her act as a buffer between him and John's order. 

"Ok. What should I say?" John asked, uncertain.

She shrugged. "Ask if he has homework." She tapped Dean's book when his attention seemed to be drifting, and he refocused on it. "Talk to the kid. He's not a baby. He's got a lot of thoughts and feelings about things." 

"Right." John said slowly, clearly not convinced.

"He likes talking about school." She offered, turning to stir the stew pot. 

"OK?" John responded, looking around for Bill. 

"Bill can't save you, his kid is three. He can give you a lot of pointers on how to field Adam's chatter." She informed him calmly. 

John grimaced, rubbing her face. "Why can't Dean talk to him? Get him calmed down?"

She pointed the spoon at him. "You are Sam's father, and Dean's been doing most of the work since Sam was a baby. So grow up. Dean has algebra homework, and you made this mess."   
"I-" John cut himself off, furrowing his brow again. "Right. I'll go talk to him."

She watched him climb the stairs, and counted the steps between the top of the stairs and Sam’s doorway. 

It opened, there was a brief pause, and then the door slammed again. 

She dropped her head to look at Dean, who looked torn between laughter and tear.

“Think Molly will bite him?” She asked, thoughtful.

“That’s really not going to get them talking at all.” Dean replied with a little grimace, tilting his head to listen.

The door slammed again. 

“This could take awhile.” She said with a sigh.

“Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's not over yet. 
> 
> They are so damaged all of them


	16. Bread

She couldn't call it peace, but they were able to sit down at the dinner table together and eat a meal. 

Sam refused to look at his father, Dean seemed to be caught between the desire to settle tempers and his orders to not interfere, and John was clearly at a loss for what to do. 

Adam was seemingly oblivious, chatting with his father about the game he had played with Maggie and Molly while his brothers were at school around his dinner. "And then me and Molly trapped the demon in the bathroom, and Uncle Bobby made it go away." Adam declared at the end of his story.

Bobby looked amused, letting the child chatter on and buttering bread. 

John smiled a bit, trying to focus on Adam and not on how irritated Sam clearly was. "Yeah? Pretty good hunt then, wasn't it?"

Adam nodded. "Then we took the lady to the hospital so mommy could make her better." 

Bobby shot her a look, checking her opinion of the story. 

She shrugged slightly, the game of "hunter" was one Dean had taught his little brother, and knowing a few little things about how to handle the supernatural were not things he shouldn't know. 

Bill was grinning, watching Adam with a look of fond, relaxed intrigue. She thought Jo was around the same age as her little boy, she was sure Bill was missing his own kid. He had talked to Ellen for almost an hour earlier. 

Caleb opened the back door, stomping to knock the snow off his shoes. "Hope you saved some dinner for us, Kate."

"I did, there's bread and stew in the kitchen. Help yourselves." She told them, picking at her own soup. 

Dean started to get up, but Caleb waved him down. "Eat your supper, Dean. Jim and I can serve ourselves."

"Did you follow him out of the county?" John asked, leaning back in his chair to look at the two men.

"Nearly out of the state, he could circle around and come back. But." Caleb shrugged. "I've let my contacts know to keep an eye out for him, we'll keep an eye on the boys until we're sure the Vampire nest has picked a new target. Any kills?"

"Just one, but I think it was a young vamp. Up near Butterfield. Might be part of the nest, but." John shrugged, glancing at Jim. "Anything from your people?"

Jim sighed, spooning stew into a bowl and sprinkling a coarse grating of salt on top of it. "He's old. At least a few centuries. Smart, too. I think if we keep it clear that we're protecting Kate but not hunting him, he'll move on. How long that takes, I'm not sure. It sits poorly, letting a vampire move on."

John shrugged. "I don't want to get him fixated on Kate and the boys. Not with the baby almost here."

"I know." Jim sat down, nodding to Caleb. "And we don't want Gordon focused on the boys or Kate as valid bait. He's dangerous, perhaps more dangerous than the vampires. Or at least more dangerous to Kate and the boys."

John sighed. "He's human, that means he can be put down, but there's also not a lot we can do to block him out. Easier when our targets have to obey salt lines." 

"Easier, sure. But there are always going to be hunters who take the mission too far." Jim shook his head a little. "we can not know his heart, but we must take precautions to protect the innocent."

Caleb leaned back in his chair. "Should we set traps around the house?"

"Not with a three year old in the house." She said, firm. "I'm not risking Adam or one of the dogs setting off one of your protections."

Caleb grimaced. "Kids make protections hard. Sam's old enough, but Adam's not. We can set a lock down room, maybe?"

John nodded, looking at her. "Set up something with a line out, food, water, for you and the boys that once it's locked it can only be undone from the inside?"

"What if he sets the house on fire?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Shit. I hate dealing with humans." Caleb grumbled. "Monsters are simpler."

"Is he really that dangerous?" She asked, nervous.

"He's more than dangerous, he's committed to his cause." John said, rubbing his face and glancing over the boys. "You get those sometimes, he started out with someone hunting with him, went too crazy for the man and split to do his own thing. He's focused on the vampires, humans are just collateral damage."

She closed her eyes, and blew out a small sigh. 

John reached out and took her hand, tracing his fingers over the back of her wrist.

"I know you don't like running, Kate, but what do you think about visiting Ellen and Joanna until the baby is born?" Bill asked, voice gentle. 

She shook her head. "I'm not taking my troubles to your doorstep, Bill."

John sighed softly. "She's right. Gordon's crazy enough to follow her. The vamps too. We'd just put Ellen and Joanna in danger." 

"So we hold this position." Caleb said, shrugging. "I've held worse positions. Kate's a decent cook and the house is warm."

She gave him a wry look. "Thanks, Caleb." 

He grinned at her, taking a bite of his bread. "Least I'm honest."

***  
"That dog hates me." John informed her quietly, placing her tea on the table in front of her before taking a seat himself. 

She laughed, watching the boys. "Which one?"

"The one glued to Sam's shadow. Nearly took a chunk out of me earlier." John shook his head. “I was just trying to talk to him.” 

Dean had curled up on the couch with his younger brothers, Sam tucked on one side, Adam on the other, and they were reading quietly together.

Well, Sam and Dean were reading, she was pretty sure Adam had fallen asleep already, curled against his brother.

Maggie was lying on the floor; head on her paws, watching them intently, Molly was taking up the rest of the couch next to Sam, who was using her head for a book rest.

"She is Sam's dog, you were upsetting him." She shrugged and gave him a little smile. "Maggie's the one you need to worry about; she's planning your demise."

John looked over at the dog, who chose that moment to lift her head and fix him with a stare. "...Where the heck did you find those brutes?"

"Pound. Sam and Dean adore them. Adam too, and they get along with me alright. I think they know I buy the dog food."

Maggie wagged her tail once, still watching John.

She laughed softly. "Neither of them are as scary as they like to pretend, but they will protect the boys."

John nodded, still engaged in a staring contest with Maggie. "They sleep with the boys?"

She nodded quietly, lifting her tea to blow on the surface. "Maggie and Dean usually patrol the perimeter before they go to bed; Molly goes to bed when Sam does."

John nodded, breaking eye contact with Maggie, and reaching for her hand. "We'll bunk downstairs."

She nodded quietly. "I figured you would." She laced their fingers together, thoughtful. "I get up around six, to get the boys ready for school. With as cold as it has been, I've been leaving Adam with Bobby."

He nodded, playing his fingers over the palm of her hand thoughtfully. "Got it." 

"You'll learn the routine." She said quietly. 

He nodded again. "A different one. But I'll get it down. I could take them to school in the morning?"

She looked at the boys for a moment, and then shook her head. "No, I'll take them. It's better not to interrupt the routine."

John nodded, ducking his head a little. "Alright." 

She gave his hand a little squeeze. 

"Just be careful, Kate. Ok? I don't want any of you hurt."

***  
She thanked whatever power was watching over them every day, thanked them even on the days Sam locked himself in the bathroom and John looked ready to throw a punch.

Mostly because he didn't, and the locked door moments seemed to last a little bit shorter every time.

Small, fragile victories, but they were her victories and she guarded them jealously, even when things were not perfect and moods went sour. They were still on high alert; Caleb was talking about relocating his business they had spent so long waiting for something to happen.

Bobby had needed to make several trips back to his own home; Bill to his, and Jim went to his parish weekly, soothing those who looked to him for guidance. But the wary energy had not decreased. It seemed to grow with every day nothing went wrong. It had been two weeks, and Gordon hadn’t shown his face around any of the local places, and there had been no further threats from the vampires. 

The activity around Windom had dropped to an unnatural low, a quiet that seemed to make even the normal folk a little nervous. 

She was trying to keep it, to hold it close like the promise of spring, and warmth. Just a little bit longer, just a few weeks more and her baby would be here, and then maybe things could find a new normal. 

She just wanted it to be over.

"Sam, don't forget your homework." She called up the stairs. 

He swore, already halfway down them, and ran back up to his room.

"Will you be ok with Adam alone? I can take him with us." She turned to look at John, who was holding his sleepy son. 

"Nah, we'll be fine. I'll get breakfast started." He grinned down at Adam. "we can eat when you get home, right bud?"

Adam nodded, offering a little yawn and grinding his hand against his eyes. "Mak' fast for mama."

John jiggled him. "You sure you're going to be ok driving them? Can you see the pedals?" 

She picked up her purse. "Did you just call me fat? Besides, you drive with your feet."

He snorted. "No, visibly pregnant. At this rate dean is going to end up delivering his sibling on the side of the road."

She rolled her eyes. "I'll have you know I am a trained medics professional, it I feel any labor pains I will drive myself to the hospital."

"I just think it would be safer for me to drive them."

She gave him a kiss on his cheek. "We will be fine. I'll be back in an hour, watch Adam."

He sighed, and kissed her. "I have spent nine years worrying."

"So relax and enjoy your son." She teased, pulling away when Sam made an "EW" noise behind her. "Oh get in the car, I heard about you flirting with Martha."

"He's my dad, that's gross." Sam complained as he headed for the door. 

She tossed John an amused look over her shoulder as she followed.

Sam traced lines in the frost on the window as he headed for the back door, sliding inside with a jaw cracking yawn of his own. 

Dean was already in the car, sitting against the window and reading something for his book report. 

She didn't interrupt him as she backed the car down the drive, heading to school.

"You going in today?" Dean asked.

"Nope, officially on leave until your sibling joins us. It’s dangerous with me this pregnant." She grinned at him. "But we'll be open if any idiot tangles with the wrong end of a wendigo or something."

"Is there a right end of a wendigo?" Sam asked curiously.

"I'd pick the end without teeth." She responded with a laugh. "But that's me. What kills those?"

If Sam knew or if it would end up being a Jim question, she didn't find out. Something hit the car, the seat belt bit into her shoulder, and she lost consciousness.


	17. Oatmeal

She woke with a stab of pain in her abdomen and the taste of blood in her mouth, because she had opened it reflexively to gasp. 

Her hands were chained above her head, there was blood around her, on her, thick and coagulated, her clothes had been stripped away. "Dean? Sam?" She choked out, trying to get the taste of blood out of her mouth. 

There was a ripple of movement in the darkness, a male voice chuckled and a man strode forward. "The boys have their parts to play, we did not take them." He knelt down in front of her, reaching out to rub her belly. "You, on the other hand, darling Kate, are just an extra on the stage."

She drew back away from him, as much as the chains on her wrists would allow, which wasn't much. "Who are you?" 

He chuckled a little bit, still stroking her stomach. "You are not my usual target." 

She shifted back from him, closing her hands on the chains around her wrists, tugging on them a little. "What do you want from me?"

"You? Nothing. You are useful to other forces, Michael is using you to stack the deck." He wagged his finger in her face. "Naughty girl."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

He laughed, rocking of his haunches. "He has three now, three potential vessels. We would rather not have him with a fourth. Now, if I were to snap your neck now before your child is born, he would not be able to use her. But..." He smirked. "That would be too easy, wouldn't it?"

She drew a shuddering breath as another contraction struck her. "What are you going to do?"

"A little bit of blood and he will be unable to use her." He ran his hand over her belly, pushing against it. "Not long now." 

"I need my hands." She snapped, trying to turn her body so he couldn't touch her. 

He laughed. "No, I am not foolish enough to release you." He stood, stalking back into the darkness. 

She watched him go, trying to breathe, trying to adjust herself enough to get comfortable. "God, help us...." She whispered. "Please..." 

Someone screamed beyond her in the darkness, in another room of this place, wherever it was. Another voice joined the first screamer, and a smell of sulfur filled the air. 

She tried to block her ears for it, dragging against the chains. 

Light throbbed through the cracks in the wall, the smell increased, giving light to the area surrounding her for brief, flashes of moments. There were hooks hanging from the ceiling, swinging lazily in the air. Old blood stained the floor.

Another ripple of a contraction struck her, she whimpered, biting down hard on her lip to try to keep the screams from escaping. "Help us, please." She whimpered, when the pain had passed.

But the only thing that answered her was another scream, and another throb of light in the darkness. 

She shivered, praying quietly between contractions that grew closer and closer together, begging for any assistance of anything that might be listening. 

But nothing and no one came.

***

He came regularly to watch her struggle, just close enough that she could see him, watch him leering at her. 

She had decided that she hated him very quickly, but the loathing that was growing in her heart the longer the labor lasted surprised her. 

"It's ironic, isn't it?" He asked, watching her as she panted and strained against the contractions.

"Go to hell." She snarled.

"I've been, nice place." He responded, laughing at her. "But I do think it is ironic. John Winchester and second born children. I'll get the even ones, heaven can keep the odds."

"You are not taking her." At some point she had accepted the gendering, but it didn't matter. Boy or girl, this baby was her child, they did not belong to whoever this creature was.

"I think he has a definite type. Well, the blond hair, of course. Pretty blue eyes. But it's the defiance I think he enjoys the most. He likes to be ruled by a woman. I've met Mary, she has quite the mouth on her too. But you were not raised as a hunter as she was, so you lack some of that edge." 

She grunted in response, trying to turn her focus inwards, hoping nothing went wrong because she doubted the creature would stir himself to help her if the baby was born with the cord around her neck. 

She still didn't understand why this was happening, or what had taken her.

"I wonder what she would think?" He circled her, studying her. "Another family for John, and death for her. He's even given you those boys of hers. Quite an interesting choice, really. To raise them away from the hunt. Not what we intended."

She gritted her teeth, trying to keep him in her line of sight, curling her upper lip back. "You just love the sound of your own voice, don't you? Do you often kidnap people to have a captive audience?"

He snorted. "I am considering the future of that, it is quite nice." He caught one of the hooks with his hand and pushed it, making it swing gently in the air. "We could hurry this process along." 

She felt the growl bubble in her throat, bearing down on the next contraction. "I hope he guts you."

She had no idea who the "he" was, but it sounded pleasant to snarl. John, perhaps. She would take anyone.

He laughed at her, shaking his finger again. "Naughty girl." 

She ignored him, straining to work with her own body, praying with every fiber of her being that her baby was alright, that this unpleasant birth would do her no harm.

The creature pacing around her fell silent, but she could hear his feet as he circled her, the silence in the other room.

Whatever he had done, it had ended. Whatever he had been using it for, it was over.

The last push was a relief, and the loud, outraged cries of her child as she entered the world was a blessing in itself. 

She was panting like a dog, trying to hunch herself over in a position that she could protect the baby from view, even as it pulled her arms uncomfortably back behind her, sending new waves of pain through her body. She crooned, or tried to, skimming her eyes quickly over the baby-a girl, he had been right, a beautiful baby girl. Her arms waved, her mouth open as she wailed. Breathing, red faced and angry. Ten fingers, ten toes. 

The floor was cold beneath her legs, and she worried about the baby taking a chill, but it was all she really had time to think of as the man stalked over, cutting the cord with a knife and moving to pick her daughter up. She lunged forward, biting down on his hand as hard as she could, and he swore, the knife clattering to the ground, and punched her hard in the face.

The bloom of pain was nothing compared to what she had already survived today, and so she ignored it, lunging again to try to defend the baby. 

"So aggressive, maybe you do have an edge. Very well, keep her." He picked up the knife, slashing his own palm open along the bite mark and letting the blood drip into her daughter's open, wailing mouth. 

She could do nothing but watch, bound and helpless to do anything more than snarl. 

"There we are, done." He smiled at her, yellow eyes gleaming in the darkness. "Tell John that I said "hello" if he finds you both before you freeze to death." 

She growled at him, unable to find anything more than that to say. 

He stood and vanished again into the darkness, though this time she felt that he had really gone. 

"Bastard." She hissed, ignoring the pain to try to shift her legs forward, to get the baby off the floor.

***

Somehow, she managed to doze, her daughter resting on her knees, pressed against her chest to wrap her in as much body heat as she could. The darkness pressed close around them, impossible to escape.

The cold bit at her, but the pain of it had long ago faded into pinpricks as she lost feeling in her hands.

She woke to the jangle of chains, and immediately bent to conceal the baby. 

"Relax, I'm a fried." The voice, male, was gentle. She didn't trust it, but the shackles were removed one after another, and a blanket was wrapped around her shoulders. 

A light flicked on in the darkness, she squinted, blinked by it, and turned her head slightly to the side, trying to get her numb hands to cooperate to enable her to lift her daughter. "Who?" 

"Just a friend." The voice repeated, and the pain abruptly vanished, feeling returned with a sharpness to her hands.

She hissed a little bit, but picked up her daughter, checking her over blindly. "Did you heal her?"

"I healed her first, she's fine. We'll get you somewhere that you can get her cleaned up." The voice offered, reassuring. 

She still couldn't see him, the light was just as concealing as darkness. She tried to squint at him, and he the flashlight so that she could see him in the dimmer glow. "I met you before."

He grinned. "Nice to be remembered." 

"You healed me at the supermarket. Who are you?"

He darted the flashlight around the space, still covered in gore and blood. "A friend, like I said. I'll answer you three questions once we're out of here. But right now I have one of my own. Can you stand?"

She wrapped the bulk of the blanket around the baby, who was sleeping in her arms and apparently oblivious to the danger. She wouldn't trust the stranger until she could check her over for herself, but her chest rose and fell with reassuring regularity. "I think so." She tested her legs, and found them a bit stiff but able to hold her weight. 

He grimaced, and produced another blanket from somewhere, draping it around her shoulders. "For modesty."

She gave him a wary look, but nodded. "Thanks."

He wiggled his fingers at her. "Let's go somewhere nicer than here." 

She felt like she had only blinked, but they were abruptly standing in the middle of a nice hotel room. 

"Shower is through there, there are clothes and diapers. I'll hang around." He made a shooing motion at her.

"Can I at least have a name to call you?" She asked, still wary and unsure.

"Eh. Call me Steve." He said, grinning, and waved at the bathroom.

The baby whimpered in her arms, she gave the stranger a look, but walked into the bathroom, locking the door pointedly behind her even if she felt like it wouldn't do any good.

She checked the baby over, from head to toe, and then dropped the bloody blankets to the floor and stepped into the shower, letting the water wash away the worst of blood, scrubbing them both over carefully with the white hotel provided wash clothes.

There seemed to be a never ending supply of them, she noted, as well as soap and towels. IT was suspicious, but she was too tired to really care about it at the moment. It was allowing them to get clean.

As promised, there were clothes for both of them, and a neat stack of diapers on the counter next to them. She dressed her daughter, first, feeling like a character in a play who had stage directions to perform. 

The jeans he had provided for her were a little snug, and the shirt was a little lower cut than she would have preferred, but the bra and underwear fit fine. Which was creepy. 

What exactly had rescued her and what did she owe it now? 

She sat down on the toilet when the baby girl started to fuss - her baby girl, as weirdly distant as she felt at the moment, and half undressed again to nurse her. "Hey, sweetie." She whispered, stroking her hair. Blonde, like Adam's had been when he was born.

The baby looked up at her as she nursed, clearly more focused on the action than anything she had to say. 

She kept talking to her, slowly letting the coiled knot of panic in her belly relax. She looked fine. She looked healthy and fine and perfect. Whatever the creature had done to her had clearly not harmed her.

She stayed in the bathroom for probably longer than the stranger had meant, only noticing when she finally stood up to leave that the bloody blankets and wash cloths had vanished.

He was sitting on the bed when she left the room, and looked up with an innocent smile on his face. "All better?"

"Who are you?" She asked, holding her baby close. "What do you want from us?"

His smile remained. "Well, I'm just a good Samaritan. Saw you in a bit of a jam, thought I would extend my hand to help you." 

She shook her head. "You said you would give me answers, not more deflections."

He held up his hand. "I promised you three answers, so you shouldn't waste them." He waggled the fingers. "I'll hold to that."

She chewed on her lip, suddenly uncertain how far she wanted to question him. What if he turned on them?

He sighed, clearly reading something in her face that made him unhappy. "I don't eat women or children, I'm a Trickster, and you are a rather upstanding citizen. I won't hurt you, and once I'm satisfied that you'll be safe there, I'll return you to your home." He held up his hand. "Scouts honor."

She kept chewing on her lip, rocking her baby in her arms. "Why?"

"That's loaded and over simplified. Why did I save you? Because you were in trouble and I like you." He shrugged. "Pretty simple, really. Everything that goes bump in the night is not as hostile as your dearly beloved would have you believe." 

She nodded slowly, holding her baby close. "Thank you, then."

"Well, I had to wait until gloomy left. There are some things we lower order monsters just don't mess with, and demons with the keys to hell are one of them." 

"He was a demon, then..." She shook her head a little. 

The man smiled quietly. "What are you going to name her?"

She laughed, it was such a normal question after what might be the worst day of her life. It felt absurd. "Wow. Do you have any suggestions?"

He brightened like she had handed him the keys to the candy store. "Just one! Gabriella." 

She blinked at him. "You've given this a lot of thought..." She hesitated, remembering something he'd said earlier. "So if I let you name her, what do we get out of it?"

He practically glowed with pride. "I knew I liked you. Me as their personal protector, all four of your children. Think of me as a guardian angel." 

She considered. "I'm not promising you my first born if I agree to that, am I?"

He chuckled. "Nah, but if you get up to seven we can talk. I always liked seventh sons. They tend to be trouble, in the fun way." He wiggled his fingers at her again, and winked. "What do you think?"

"I think we'll stick with Gabriella." She replied with a small sigh, and than settled down next to him on the bed. She left distance between them, but was trying not to show how nervous she still was. "Do you know what he was doing?"

He peered at Gabriella, tilting his head and wrinkling his nose. "Oh, bringing someone back from the dead."

Somewhere between "you can do that" and "why", the question slipped out. "who?"

He waggled his fingers in front of Gabby's eyes. "Oh, that's confidential. I'm afraid us monsters can't reveal all of our secrets."

She gave him a slightly frustrated look. "Are they dangerous?"

"Everyone is dangerous, Kate. You should know that by now." He teased. "You should get some rest." 

"That's it?" She whispered. 

He shrugged. "What more do you want? Get some sleep, eat some food, relax in the comfort of me casa. Then I'll take you home."

She eyed him, unnerved and still riding the nerves of the entire day. "I'm not allowed to say "no", am I?"

He gave her a dramatic, wounded look. "Well you could, but it wouldn't be very polite, would it?"

She closed her eyes. "Are my boys ok?"

"Worried, but fine. No more than a few scrapes and bruises." He told her with a little laugh. "Sleep, eat, relax. The bed is the most comfortable one I could find on such short notice." He patted it, and then vanished. 

She stared at the spot where he had been, giving a little shiver and peering down at her daughter. "Your guardian angel is weird."

Gabby watched her intently in return. 

She sighed, kissing her forehead, wishing she had some method of contacting John. Though she wasn’t sure how “I’ve been kidnapped by someone who has my underwear size” would go over. 

Safe? Safer? Something. She was too tired to think. 

***

As odd as the situation was, she did sleep. She made the best makeshift cradle she could for her daughter with a dresser drawer, where she could not roll and she was close enough to be heard if she cried. 

But then she slept, deep and dreamless. She had expected nightmares, but there was nothing. She just slept, a deep, restful sleep that dragged her down deeper and deeper.

When she woke, she felt well rested, the muscles that and knotted with tension had relaxed and eased. Her daughter had slept through the night, which she knew was unusual, but she woke at the touch of her fingers, and nursed hungrily, and she she decided it might just be the magic of wherever they were and the trickster who had rescued and/or captured them. 

She paced the room, exploring it while her newborn nursed, peering into the closet and out the windows. There were fountains outside, but she was high up and the sun outside was bright. She had a sense that it was warmer outside than it had been in Windom, but she couldn't really guess where she had been taken. 

When she came back into the room, there was a meal laid out on the table, and fresh clothes on the end of the bed.

There was no sign of her host.

She frowned at the clothes. "The enchanted castle bit isn't really that reassuring, Steve." She said, finally. 

He appeared, lounging at the table. "Isn't that every little girl's fantasy?"

She moved to the table, sitting down in the other chair. "Not mine. I'd rather see what is moving around me."

"Not a big believer in the holy spirit, then?" He crackled, spreading honey on toast and eating it in two bites. 

"Nothing has really seemed inclined to help me or my family." She eyed him. "It's sad, I've seen proof of evil, but." She shook her head. "You're the only supernatural creature who has moved to help me."

He spread honey over another piece of toast, hmmming to himself. "Well, you know, free will and all. Do you want things saving you?" 

She looked down at Gabby. "I guess it would be nice for there to see to be a balance. Of good and bad."

He gestured to the table with his knife. "Eat, Kate. This is too much theology before coffee." 

She frowned at him, but obediently picked up a spoon, only leveling him with another glare when the bowl of oatmeal skittered over to her side of the table. "That is not the least bit cute."

"It's adorable. Wins over the ladies every time. One I lured this woman in France into believing I was under a horrible curse, all I needed were some minor illusions and some dancing cutlery." He grinned at her, taking another bite of his horribly sweetened toast. 

"Well, I'm taken." She told him, gesturing downward to Gabby. 

"Does he rescue you with white horses?" He asked, licking honey from his fingers. 

She gave him a look, taking a deliberate bite of oatmeal. "I have not seen a single horse." 

"Oh if you want a pony show, we need a change of setting." He responded. 

"I don't want a pony show; I just want to go home." She said, trying to firm her voice, but it shook a little. 

He shook a finger at her. "There you are, being ungrateful again. Eat your breakfast, Kate. You need to keep up strength."

She eyed the figs suspiciously. "Are you going to put me into an enchanted sleep after I do?"

He wagged his fingers in the air. "Maybe. Depends on how willing you are to do what Dr. Steve tells you."

She sighed, and resumed eating one handed, trying not to level this strange creature with more dirty looks. They would not help her get out of this situation. "Am I your prisoner?"

He gave her a surprised look, tilting his head a little bit to the side. "No. A guest. What you think I'm going to wander into a wasp nest of angry hunters looking for something to sting? My name is not Icarus, and I am not flying anywhere near that bonfire. No thank you, once they've calmed down out of their "shoot everything, determine alignment afterwards" state they're currently in, I'll take you and little baby Gabby back to your anxious men folk." 

She closed her eyes. "How do you expect me to trust you?"

He shrugged, staring at her. "Do you really have a choice?"

She didn't, and they both knew it. 

The conversation went a little bit quiet after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GABRIEL IS ANNOYING AS HELL, getting him to give even a yes/no answer is impossible. However he is quite hilarious. 
> 
> I hope everyone is enjoying!


	18. Powdered Sugar

She slept, she ate, she bathed, she nursed her daughter. 

The door opened into a hallway but any door she opened led back into her room, the TV worked, the phone didn't. 

These were all things she had learned. 

It was always daylight when she was awake, there was always food, and most often 'Steve' would show up to eat with her whenever she ate. 

She didn't trust him, but a part of her was starting to relax around him. 

He was sharp, and he would debate with her easily on a number of topics, he would coo over the baby, but never ask to hold her. 

She wondered, sometimes, if he came into the room while she was sleeping to cuddle her baby, but her attempts of hording salt were met with nothing but frustration. 

He had even left an "IOU" in place of her salt packets. 

Frustrating, but aside from being present whenever she so much as stirred, he had done nothing but make sure she had what she needed. 

"How long has it been?" She asked him, picking at the remains of her breakfast on her plate. 

"Oh, around a month." He was eating more of the sickening honey toast, dipping it in a pile of powdered sugar and fruit until she was sure that he would rot his teeth around her head.

"And you can't take me back yet?" She frowned at him, shifting Gabby against her shoulder. 

"We still need to wait." He licked the sugar from his fingers, tossing his head. 

"Gabby needs her vaccinations."

"She won't catch anything here." He waved his hand. "It's entirely safe."

"She still needs them, we're not going to live in your hotel room forever." She hoped. The idea of it still made her nervous.

"She'll get them." He shrugged. "Relax, Kate. It's a nice place to be."

"That's easy for you to say when you control the loop of this place." She grumbled. 

"I know. But I'm keeping you safe." He grinned at her. "Watch some pay per view. You have every channel imaginable and a few I made up just for you." 

She sighed and shook her head. "I just want to go home, Steve."

"Ask me again tomorrow." He told her airily, standing up to walk to her door. 

"Why is it always breakfast?" She asked, curious. 

"It's an important meal." He responded.

"But it's never night, here. It's always morning. Why?" It had been bothering her, during her periods of awareness. Something she couldn't pin down. It shouldn't be possible for it to always be day when she woke up, it shouldn't be possible to keep her asleep. None of this should be possible at all. She didn't know how to explain it. 

He shrugged again, casual. "I like the day better."

She shook her head. "So you're hiding?"

He gave her a briefly puzzled look, then shrugged. "Everyone is hiding from something. Me, I like to stay closer to the happier times. Night is so dark and gloomy."

She looked out the window. "That's not how life works, you know? Sometimes, the night has to come. We have to take risks to protect what we love. We can't just hide in the daylight."

He was quiet, hand on the door, face turned towards her. 

She turned back towards him. "I really need to go home, Steve. I need to take care of my family, I need to help." 

He gave her a weak smile. "It's alright, Kate. You will soon." 

She shook her head. "If you just put me on a bus, I can make my own way home."

"Ask me again tomorrow." He repeated, and stepped out of the door. 

***

She woke slowly, feeling heavy, and shifted to stretch out beneath the blanket without opening her eyes. The sheets felt odd beneath her hands, rougher and heavier than the ones she had grown used to.

She blinked her eyes open slowly, staring up at the tan ceiling without comprehending where she was for a moment, hand against the heavy quilt weighing her down.

She wasn't in the hotel. That took a moment to register. She jerked upright, looking around the room for her daughter. "Gabby?!"

But the room was empty except for her. She threw the blankets off herself, nearly slipping on the floor as she scrambled out of the room and into the nursery, throwing open the door.

Gabby was asleep in the crib that John had put together, hands drawn up to her face, wrapped in a lace blanket.

She let her trembling hand brush against the baby's cheek, trying to slow the explosion of panic that had surged through her when she'd woken up without her.

"Ok." She whispered, brushing fingers against her cheek again. "We're here."

Heavy footfalls sounded behind her, and the door was carefully pushed open where it had bounced back. John stared at her for a moment, and then slowly lowered the gun he had been holding. "Kate?"

She felt weak at the knees. "It's me." She whispered.

He stepped forward slowly, touching her shoulder, and then carefully lowering the shotgun to rest against the crib. He pulled her into his arms, holding her so tightly for a moment that it hurt. "God, Kate..."

"It's me." She repeated, tears filling her eyes. "It's me. John. Are the boys ok? Where are they?"

"They're ok." He whispered, hands running over her shoulders, touching her hands, touching her face. "They're-they're at school right now. Bobby's on his way to pick them up, he has Adam."

The tears that had been filling her eyes spilled over, and she choked on a sob, kissing him until she couldn't breathe.

"Why are you crying?" He asked, wiping the tears away.

She gasped for breath, clutching at him. "I thought you would go. I thought you would go and take them and I'm so happy that you didn't. I'm so happy you stayed, I'm so happy you stayed with them, John." She whispered.

He drew her closer, kissing her hair and her face, holding her, running his fingers all over her. "You're here. You're here, you're alright." It became almost a chant, repeated until she could manage to quell her sobbing for long enough to indicate the crib.

"We both are, we're ok. We're fine. We're fine. I've been worried - so worried - about you, the boys."

He pulled her into his arms, and she wrapped her own around his neck, kissing his face, his lips, sloppy, nerveless kisses of relief and gratitude. He had stayed - he was here, with the boys, he had taken the boys to school. They were here. They were all still here.

He seemed just as desperate to hold her, winding fingers into her hair, holding her. "We didn't stop looking, we didn't stop. Not even for a moment, not while there was a chance. God, Kate."

"I'm here. I'm fine, we're both fine." She whispered in return, feeling dumb and like there weren't any other words she could use. All the time with nobody to talk to but Steve, and this was all that she could say.

She was home, she was home, finally.

He sank to the floor with her, just holding her tightly in his arms, rocking her slowly back and forth. “Where were you? What happened?” 

She curled her arms around him, adjusting to the new position. “A demon had me first, and then something else. I don’t know where I was either side, it might have been a slaughter house? And the hotel might not even be in our reality?” She nuzzled into his shoulder. “It was always morning, every meal was breakfast. It was very strange. I named her Gabriella.”

John nodded, rubbing her back and listening. “What was the thing that had you the second time?”

She thought about the answer for a little while. “A lunatic, he said his name was Steve.” 

“Steve?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t name him. He kept me in a hotel and eats way too much sugar. Like piles of syrup and sugar on his plate, it was nauseating.” 

He snorted. “That…is strange. And he took you from the Demon?”

She nodded. “I never caught his name, but he had yellow eyes.”

John stiffened a little bit beneath her, running his hands over her again. “You’re alright?”

She closed her eyes, nodding again. “We’re both fine. How long has it been?”

John’s hand brushed down her back, tangling in her hair again. “Almost six weeks. It’s…April.”

She took a deep, uncertain breath. “Ok. I can handle that.” 

“Can you?” He kissed the top of her head. 

“I think so. Give me a minute.” She balled up her hand in his shirt. 

“Take as long as you need.” He whispered. 

***

She heard the door open downstairs, and was on her feet before John could protest, bolting for the stairs. 

Sam came in, head turned over his shoulder as he talked with Dean about something to do with one of his teams at school.

Dean was holding Adam over his shoulder, arm around his waist as his little brother giggled. He stopped dead in the doorway when he saw her, eyes going wide and face going white.

Sam turned around to see what he was looking at, and for just a moment everyone was still.

She drew a shuddering breath, staring at the boys, and whatever spell had caught them released. Sam ran forward, and she braced herself against the bottom of the stairs, hand on the rail.

He stopped just short of her, closing the last step with almost exaggerated care, arms closing slowly and carefully around her waist until he seemed sure that she was really there, as though he was afraid she might vanish if he held her too hard. His hands closed at the back of her shirt, and then he clutched her, burying his face in her stomach with a sound too close to a sob for an eight year old to ever admit to it.

She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him hard. “Sammy.” She whispered, hiding her face in his hair with a little sob of her own, and extended her other arm to Dean. 

He approached her more slowly, blinking quickly as though to blot out any evidence of tears that wanted to well in his eyes.

Adam squealed at the top of his lungs, leaning to bridge the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her neck and dragging Dean forward with his legs. “MOMMY!!!!!” 

She wrapped her arm around them both, holding all three of her boys within the shelter of her arms, new tears rolling down her cheeks. 

Dean hid his face against her shoulder, Adam clutched at her, Sam was an immovable, powerful weight around her chest. 

“My boys. Oh god, my boys, I was so worried.” She whispered, when she felt like she could speak again without sobbing, kissing Adam’s cheek and the top of Dean’s head, carding her fingers through Sam’s messy mop. “My boys.”

“We thought you were gone.” Sam told her, miserable, still hiding against her stomach. 

“Couldn’t keep me away. Nothing could.” She told him, clutching them all to her, not ready to let go. “I thought about you every day. I thought about you every moment.” 

Dean shuddered, still wordless, face hidden from view.

Adam pressed messy kisses to her cheeks. “Don’t cry mommy, I’ll make it better.” 

She rubbed her cheek against his, closing her eyes. “Mommy is crying because the happy is too big inside her, baby boy. Because she missed you all so much.”

Adam kept kissing her cheeks, but looked behind her. “Daddy!” 

“Hey guys.” His voice was soft as he came downstairs, and when she turned around she could see him holding Gabby tentatively in his arms. “Kate’s not the only one who came home.”

Dean untangled himself a little from her to peer over the shoulder. “The baby?”

“Gabriella. I’ve been calling her “Gabby” for the past few weeks.” She told Dean, rubbing his shoulder. 

Sam gasped against her stomach. “A sister?” 

“Yep.” She laughed as Dean attempted to pull away, only to find himself connected to her via Adam’s death grip on her neck. 

She shifted to take Adam fully so that Dean could investigate his little sister, holding the younger two boys tight. 

Sam turned his face a little bit to peer at the baby, but made no effort to relax his death grip on her. 

She felt like she should maybe thank Steve, for giving her back to this, even if he had been the reason for her being gone for so long in the first place. 

But right now, she felt more blessed than she could explain just to have them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done with this. Weeeeee. So I started this about two weeks ago, mostly on a "My friend and I were talking about Sam and Dean's childhood (and Adam's) and how Kate must not have known about them" and me going "well, what would have happened if she did"
> 
> And then I NANOed? Or something? Thank you all for sticking with it, and I hope you enjoy the epilogue.


	19. Sulfur and Cake

***ONE MONTH LATER****

 

John had figured out how to turn on the video camera and was stalking her around the kitchen as she worked on Sam’s birthday cake.

“I’m going to put frosting on the lens.” She threatened, extending one of her hands. 

He laughed and retreated. “Come on, we can embarrass him with this when he’s nineteen.” 

“Look, he’s already got plenty of girlfriend’s that will be here. Let’s just make the cake and be done with it, no need for a documentary. Don’t you have a car to fix?” She made a shooing motion, shaking her head at him.

“I fixed the car, and what’s not fixed we need parts for and Dean wants to come into town with me. And he won’t leave until Sammy has been properly birthday partied.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “John Winchester, if you stay under my feet until this is done, I’m locking you in the shed and denying you cake.”

He laughed, pulling her in for a kiss. 

“Now you’ve got frosting on your face.” She told him with a laugh as she pulled away, dabbing his nose with her finger. 

He took it in his mouth, entirely unrepentant. “Mhm, Butter cream.”

“Ok, ew. I told you to stop doing that.” Sam said loudly from the table. “You’re tainting my cake.” 

She laughed and twisted away from John. “Blame him; I’m an innocent in the line of fire.”

John made a pretend outraged noise, wrapping his arms around her waist, apron and all and pressing kisses down her neck until she squirmed out of his arms. 

“Set the table you great lug, or we’re never eating and you will have to explain to all of your friends that you made me burn the cake.” She shook her head at him, laughing and going to the oven to get the cake out. 

“Such a tyrant.” John complained to the camera behind him, turning to face the table. “Here’s the birthday boy.”

“Get that out of my face.” Sam grumped. 

“Cheerful as ever, Sammy.” John laughed. “Someone is creeping closer to teenager by the moment. Over here we have the bigger sibling and the two smaller siblings, who are mostly showing up because they’ve been promised cake. Pretty sure Adam told Gabby what cake was.” 

Dean snorted, balancing his baby sister against his shoulder. “She can’t have cake yet, dad.”

“I knew that.” John said, wandering through the house with his camera. 

Sam shot her a look. “Is he really going to record the entire day?”

She laughed and dabbed his nose with a newly cleaned finger. “Well, he’s here.”

Sam grimaced. “Can we chase him away? My friends are coming.”

She tousled his hair. “He’s trying. Let’s encourage him ok?”

Sam grimaced, but nodded agreeably and grabbed a pile of plates from the counter, carrying them into the dining room. “When’s Uncle Bobby coming?”  
“He said he’d be here about two.” She told him. “About a half hour before your friends are showing up.” 

Sam grinned up at her. “And Uncle Caleb is coming? And Jim and Bill?” 

“They’re all coming too, pretty much everyone you know. I think most of them are bringing gifts.” It was nice, restful. After everything that had happened to focus on just this one thing, a nice, happy moment of celebrating. “I think a few things came in the mail too, if you want to go check.” 

Sam nodded, ditching the plates on the table to run outside, she watched him go, smiling, and turned back to the cake. 

***

It wasn’t the grandest birthday in the history of birthdays, but Sam seemed to think it was. The people that were there were mostly family, and about six of Sam’s close friends from school. Her brother had made it, and her mother, all of the uncles had made it and had brought a gift for all four of the kids. 

There had been a plain wrapped on in the midst of all of it, one she knew had to come from Steve, even though there was nothing on it to indicate that it was. It was just a feeling, really. She had let him open it and watched him play with it and set it down with the rest of the pile of things he needed to take upstairs. 

Sam was glowing, everything about him clearly thrilled with all that was happening around him. He hadn’t stopped smiling since everyone had gotten there. Adam was running between the people he recognized and the people he didn’t, chirping cheerful hellos and giggling when people tried to grab him. 

Dean looked a little overwhelmed for a moment as Sam was stacking things, and she wandered over to lean on him a little. “What’s wrong?”

“Just…thought there’s no way he can fit all of that in a bag.” Dean said quietly, looking down. 

She smiled, giving his shoulder a squeeze. “He won’t have to.”

Dean gave her a tentative smile. “Still trying to wrap my head around that, you know?” He shifted Gabby in his arms, looking down at her. “Used to be, everything important in my life fit in the back of the Impala. Now…now we don’t even all fit. Adam would have to sit on someone lap so Gabby could have the car seat.” 

“Yeah, John’s been complaining about me asking for a van.” She smiled at him, gentle. “It’ll take some getting used to, won’t it?”

He nodded, taking a deep breath. “I’m trying.”

“That’s all I’ll ever ask of you, Dean. Promise. Think you can help Sam with the ice cream?” She nudged him gently with her elbow. “I think he’ll try to carry the cake and ice cream all by himself if you don’t.”

He nodded, giving her another little smile. “Thanks, Kate.” He moved to help his brother, sister still in her arms. 

Ellen walked over to him, and after a little bit of fussing managed to steal the new baby away with a laugh, retreating to the little knot of female hunters in the corner with her. Lucy, Beth and Ellen seemed to be having a grand time – mostly, from what she could follow, at the expense of the men, who were less than thrilled to be the butt of all of their jokes. 

The hunters kept the hunting stuff to a dull roar, aware of the kids and civies in the next rooms and willing to leave it at the door for a few hours. She was pleased with them for that, she knew most of them had trouble leaving it behind them. But they were managing, and she was proud of them. Even John seemed to be maintaining his focus on that silly video camera of his, and every intention moment he had obviously zoomed in on Sam’s face to catch him making a silly face. 

Sam was a ball of energy until around eight o’clock, running around to everyone who would pay him half a mind to show off one of the gifts they’d seen him unwrap just a few hours earlier. He finally fell asleep before everyone had left, sitting up and messing around with one of his new board games. 

Dean had laughed, and had gone to move him to the bed, but John had beaten him to it. 

It was a weird moment, she knew, for everyone involved. But John carried him upstairs and tucked him into bed, and then came back down.

He only had two beers, even though most of his hunting buddies were there and they got to talking about their most recent hunts. She was proud of him for that. 

For the most part, she just felt content. Enough had happened that she felt like they had earned these moments. These peaceful, relaxed moments of sleeping children in a house full of people they loved and trusted. Of Dean sitting on the ground next to his father, listening to veteran hunters talk about what sort of life he could expect to have with the choice of that still laid out before him. 

She nudged Caleb off the bench so that she could sit next to John, letting him drape an arm around her shoulder, listening to the night sounds and the low rumble of their fish tales. She had no doubt they were all exaggerating the danger they had faced for dramatic effect. 

It felt safe, truly safe, like nothing could touch them. 

She wanted more of that feeling, craved more of it even. Her boys, her little girl, her partner. Her family all gathered together where she could almost feel them pushed up close. 

“Kate?” John said quietly.

“Hm?”

“Ellen asked you a question.” He prompted gently. 

“Sorry, I was gathering…something. I didn’t hear it?” She smiled at the other woman, tucked close to John, warm and comfortable. 

Ellen laughed, and responded that it hadn’t been important, and the conversation left her behind again. But she didn’t mind. She was where she wanted and needed to be. 

***ONE YEAR LATER, LA***  
"There you are darlin', just hit it center mass and knock it into the hole." Jeremy said in her ear, punctuating it with a hand on her ass and a lingering squeeze, just in case she had missed which hole he was rally thinking of.

She was going to enjoy breaking the pool cue on his face and stealing his wallet when the newbie hunters she had been following for two days finally made their move on the demon they had been stalking. She really, genuinely was. He was a total sleezeball, and the forthcoming mugging couldn’t happen to a more deserving pile of sentient slime. 

She missed the shot on purpose, giggling. "Oopsie!" 

He patted her ass. “It’s ok, honey. I’ll set it back up for you and you can try again. No big deal.”   
She swallowed the desire to just punch the prick right then, pretences be damned, watching as he went to grab the ball. The bartender didn't know how to mix drinks worth shit, the girly cocktail Jeremy had insisted on ordering for her tasted like grenadine and alcohol, she knew it was intended to get her drunk.

With as smooth as he'd been with the bartender about it, he had probably used this tactic a thousand times. He definitely deserved the beating she planned on giving him when she was done with this ruse. She was damned well looking forward to it. She could shatter his nose, she thought, maybe break his dick. 

He'd think twice before grabbing another ass, and that thought was enough to put a real smile on her face. She needed a fight, she ached for it, and if this was the place for her to find it after the shit her last year had been, then she would.

She used the distraction to glance over at her targets, two young kids. Teens. Too young to be hunting, in her personal opinion, though she had been hunting at sixteen. They were obviously watching the woman they had followed into the bar, and they had obviously been noticed by the woman as she chatted idly with her male companion. But they also clearly didn’t notice that they had been noticed.

Amateurs. God save armatures from themselves, cause nobody else would. If she hadn’t spotted them sulking around, they probably would have died the moment they made their move. Hell, if the demon bitch was as smart as she seemed, they might not have even gotten a chance to make their move before she lured them into a trap and had their livers for dinner or shoved a few of her friends into their meatsacks. 

Someone bumped into her, and Jeremy came back to defend his turf. She let him bicker with the other player, lazily drifting her gaze around the bar; acting more drunk from the two sips she had made herself drink than she really was. Baby hunters and seedy bars. It just figured, the two went together like toddlers and rocket launchers. Probably a bad idea, and likely to get a lot more people hurt. 

She had left this life, and she wasn't pleased to be back in it. But it was what she knew, and those idiots were going to get killed if someone didn't step in. She couldn’t let anymore little boys die because of demons. 

The woman stood up, taking her male partner by the hand and heading for the door. The normies around them wouldn't see anything but what the demons wanted to see, but she knew.

She knew all too well.

Her daddy had taught her how to spot a demon from a long way away, and spending six delightful months as the occupant of one dickhead's basement had taught her even better.

The two hunters scrambled to their feet, not at all subtle as they went to give chase, and she moved, breaking the pool cue over Jeremy's face and knocking him right into their paths.

"HEY!" One of them said, and the female demon turned, glancing between them.

"I said NOT to grab my ass!" She snarled, and kicked Jeremy as hard as she could in the ribs and dumping the sugary drink on his prone form.

Idiot that he was, he still bore the stupefied look she'd landed him with. She swore a few more times for good measure, grabbing his wallet from his pocket and riffling through it, taking a random card and ripping it into little bits of paper. "Don't fucking call me, you fucking prick!"

She palmed the cash, quite the wad of it, and his credit card, before dropping it on his chest and storming out of the bar.

One of the demon's laughed behind her, but she ignored him.

Time to get into position, she shoved the cash into her pocket, fishing out the cell phone and making a show of dialing and then talking angrily into the receiver. It was all in the delivery, she knew that. She had known that. 

The demons walked right past her, and she casually used a small can of spray paint to enclose them in her devil's trap. She had set everything up before hand, knowing exactly how she was going to play the scene. She had even scattered loose dirt and leaves over it, until it looked like nothing more than graffiti on the ground. Nothing more. 

The woman realized it first, scowling and turning to face her. "Who are you?"

"Nobody you need to worry about." She responded with a smile, glad that hair dye and a pair of glasses concealed her identity for now. She didn’t want to deal with Azazel yet, but she also wasn’t content with sidelining herself. The demon had killed her boys, and he was going to pay for that.  
The male demon tested her trap, snarling at her. “Hunter witch, I bet she’s with those two from the bar.” 

She said nothing. They were helpless, now. She smirked, tucking the spray-paint back in the loop she had pulled it from, taking her time. Letting them realize for a moment that she had them. Letting them know that _she_ had them. She wanted them to feel helpless and trapped, just like her boys had. She stared reciting the incantation, allowing them time to realize what she was doing, keeping her voice level and slow. She would send them back to hell where they belonged, and nothing would save them from it.

The two hosts dropped to the ground just as the two baby hunters showed up.

It put on quite the show, she knew, she turned slowly towards them, giving them a once over. Both were young, teenagers, new boots and new belts. They clearly didn’t know what they were doing with the guns both were holding. Pathetic. The demons would have eaten them alive. 

"What-who." The short one asked, looking confused. "Who are you? Hey we were hunting them!"

She fished through the male demon's pocket, tucking his cash and a gun into her own pockets, and grabbed the cell and cash off the woman. "Yeah, badly. I just saved your life. Say thank you."

"You did not! We woulda had them! We had salt." The taller one declared, clearly not at all impressed by her current activity. “What are you doing? Robbing them?” 

“Checking for any occult things, robbing them. Gotta keep my tank filled somehow, and it helps the police settle on a reason for it.” She finished processing, checked their pulses, made sure they were still among the living. 

"What was your plan with two of them? Would you have begged for mommy before they gutted you? Or could you have kept it inside?" She asked, glancing at the bar. "You don't even look old enough to drive. Why you hunting?"

The older one made a face. "We're both over 18."

She gave them a doubtful look. "Sure, the pimples really sell it. Surprised you didn't get carded in that shithole."

"Chester-" The taller one started. 

She snorted. "Chester? Really? Your name is Chester? And you want to be a hunter?"

The shorter one was red in the face now, shifting awkwardly. "Ches. My name's Ches."

She settled on her haunches. "Ok, Chester. Eugene. You got a mama?"

The both nodded, though the taller one muttered that his name wasn't Eugene. "Ok. Go home to her, before someone sends you there in a box or you vanish off the face of the earth. Some friendly advice." She stood up, turning away from them. 

"Wait! Who are you?"

She blew out a little sigh. "Mary. Mary Campbell. So take my advice, and do as you're told. You've still got a life to lose, most of us aren't that lucky."

The boys both stared at her, neither of them seemed to have anything to say. She shook her head, turning away and leaving the scene.   
They weren't her boys, she knew that. Nothing could bring her boys back. They were gone. But she could prevent some other mother from hearing about it second hand, she could send the baby hunters who thought they were going to banish all the evil in the world and rest on their laurels back before there wasn't a back to go back to it.

Hopeless cause, she knew her dad would tell her.

Hopeless, stupid cause, she had better things to worry about than the thankless task of saving idiots.

But she needed something to live for, and cheating at poker might pay the bills, but it didn't fill a soul. She needed a purpose now that she had come back, and if saving idiots was the thing that called for her, well. It was better than a lot of other things she was sure she could be doing. She knew that list included whatever nebulous task that Azazel had in mind for her to do. 

God, she needed a beer, and a shower to wash the greasy hand prints off of her soul. Probably in that order. Jeremy had been kind enough to give her what she needed for a few weeks, and a hotel. Hotels were a luxury she couldn’t always afford, but she tried to keep them in the realm of possibility. 

The truck she was running was a battered Ford pickup with a camper shell on the back. Completely indistinguishable from any other battered pickup in the lot, she checked the locks, tapped her ward, undid the booby trap and then slipped inside, locking the door behind her.

Then she let herself breathe, just for a moment, to let go on the tension even an easy hunt put in her, to let her needle refocus. The truck was home, as much as anything was. With blankets in the back camper cab, and everything she had gathered for her hunt, with pictures she had retrieved from the drop she hadn't told John about that she had glued to the dashboard. 

"Happy birthday." She whispered, touching one of them. "Happy birthday, sweetheart. I miss you." Her little boy would be ten today, Dean would be fourteen. Neither of them would ever grow up now, but she marked their births with a little bit of saving people in their honor. It was all she could do. She knew that. She had to let them go. It was hard to do, harder than anything else she had ever done in her life. But her little boys were dead, and the life that she had tried to start with John was over. There was nothing else to do.

She kept telling herself that, and she figured eventually, maybe once she had gutted Azazel, she could finally believe it. 

She closed her eyes, and took a long, careful breath, sealing everything she was feeling behind the iron wall she had built in her mind.

She started the truck, and pulled out of the lot as the police were pulling in.

She had nowhere in particular to be, but she wanted to be gone. She’d find some truck stop later, curl up in the back of her truck and rest for a little while. Until the nightmares woke her and she had to move on again.

That was a hunter’s life. The only life she had left to her now. 

And she knew exactly who was to blame for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot of fun for me to write. It was sort of a test. I am not sure what I was testing, but I tested it and this was the result. An unbetaed mess, for the most part! But I hope you all enjoyed it. 50K in twelve days. 
> 
> If someone ever wants to beta it, I'd be happy to have you. 
> 
> And yes, I will probably continue this because there are a lot of things unresolved. Not the least of which is Mary. Though I am not sure if Kate will stay the POV character? I am still figuring it out.


End file.
